I Want This
by TrueGirl3
Summary: This is a Jackson/April story! I love this couple and I love all the angsty drama that is surrounding them right now! Set after 9x16 when Jackson's mother gives him the hospital. Mature in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! This is my first Grey's fanfic. I got really inspired by this couple. This is after 9x16 where Jackson is given Seattle Grace. The eventual pairing will be April and Jackson. Please let me know your thoughts because I won't invest the time to continue if I don't get interest! Thanks for reading.**

Jackson

Jackson sat in an on call room after the big announcement that his mother had bought him the hospital that had become his home over the years. He stared ahead of himself not really focusing on anything but the million of thoughts that came with the new, huge responsibility.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to make sense of the major changes that just took place. His mother had no idea what she had done. In a sense, it was a relief because Seattle Grace Mercy West was saved. It would remain open and they would be able to run the hospital the way this hospital needed to be run. A hospital that didn't stifle it's medical staff, but empowered and encouraged them to push the boundaries of medicine.

Jackson could see all that for Seattle Grace Mercy West and all the physicians here. He knew the doctors here would make this hospital a hospital that would not only be nationally recognized, but internationally recognized as well.

Jackson rubbed his hands over his face as he considered his next moves. He needed...he needed...well he needed to speak with his mother and Weber. He needed to know what he would be responsible for. Would this mean limiting his surgical hours? Definitely.

Jackson got up and paced the room and as he turned, something caught his eye. A flash of red hair. April. Her back was to him as she slept on the top bunk in the on call room and he hadn't even noticed. She had slept soundly as he had a mini-nervous breakdown about all the change.

Jackson thought about all that April and him had been through over the years. Mercy West intern years, then the merger, then Reid and Charles, then every drama this place had to offer including them having sex and having a pregnancy scare. She had been there for him and he had been there for her through everything.

Their friendship hadn't always been a strong one, but Jackson realized that it was the friends that showed up when you needed them most that were your best friends. April was his best friend. And now he needed to tell her everything that happened. He needed her.

He walked towards the bunk bed and was reaching up to shake her awake when he froze. He looked to the pair of arms that she was wrapped in, his mind reeling. One was slung low on her hip and the other was acting as her pillow, her red hair grazing against his forearm. Matt? She was already this comfortable with this Matt guy already? Was she _having sex _with him?

Jackson snapped himself out of the shocked stupor he found himself in and quickly gathered his things and headed for the door. He eased it open quietly and then with a final glance at the slumbering couple, he closed the door and walked down the hall towards Administration, his new future at this hospital.

April

"Kepner!"

April jerked awake and tried to orient herself as Matt also sat up quickly. She smiled softly at Matt and then looked to the source of their abrupt wake up call.

Alex stood in the on call room doorway and looked pissed, "I been paging and paging you! There is a trauma coming in involving a 9 year old, so get the hell up."

Alex stalked out of the room and April fumbled for her pager to see if she had indeed missed the pages. She located it and tapped the buttons to find that the battery had died. "Shoot, I gotta go," she said, stretching and smoothing out her scrubs. Matt smiled tiredly and rubbed his face as he tried to wake up. His hair was mussed and he was adorably disheveled.

April hopped off the bunk, followed by Matt who reached for her as she knotted her hair on top of her head in a long ponytail. "Thanks for the nap," he said, his voice gruff.

April smiled and linked her arms behind his neck and pulled him down for a kiss and then said, "That might have been one of the best dates ever."

"I think so too. By any man's standards it was an awesome date. It was cheap and I got you right into bed," Matt said, then the goofy smile fell off his face as what he said processed. "I...Oh God, I didn't mean...I just meant-"

April burst out laughing and kissed him and said, "Oh you are so awkward, it's funny." She laughed and he leaned forward and captured her lips in an embarrassed kiss that quickly became heated. April panted against his lips as Matt tightened his grip on her waist.

"KEPNER!"

Alex hollered through the door and April jumped and said, "Now I really gotta go!"

Matt chuckled and pushed her towards the door as she shrugged her white coat on and smoothed her ponytail. He kissed the crown of her head and walked down the corridor without another word and through the trauma center doors.

As Matt disappeared through the doors, a gurney was being brought through with a screaming child that Alex had to have been talking about. She clicked into her trauma mode and immediately threw on an emergency trauma gown and gloves. She began calling out orders to the support staff.

The child had massive burns on his body and Kepner called out for plastics to be paged. Moments later Jackson strode through the door and looked to the child on the table. Kepner called out the symptoms that were apparent to her as she began reading vitals on the monitors.

Jackson, assessing the burns on the small child, began calling out a plan of action with Karev and they were off, saving a life.

Two hours later, Kepner walked out of the OR and headed down to the coffee cart. She had actually had a date with Matt to go to lunch, but she had been on call the night before and had such a crazy night that she was exhausted by the time the date had come around. Matt had been super understanding and actually brought her lunch and then ended up falling asleep next to her in the on call room. It had been really sweet and April thought about how he had made her laugh. He was so nice. And dorky. And funny. She took her coffee and was sailing down the hall past administration when someone called out for her.

She spun around and Jackson was striding toward her. It had been an awkward few weeks and on top of that, April had been really hurt by Jackson. When she found out she wasn't pregnant, it had been a relief because even though she knew she could raise a child, didn't mean she wanted it to happen like it almost happened.

She tried explaining that to Jackson, but he shut her down and then did a one eighty and told her he wanted it to end between them. It had hurt. She wanted more with Jackson, but obviously he wanted sex and only told her he would be with her if she was pregnant.

When Jackson had told her about him and Stephanie, she felt like she had been slapped in the face. It had only been a few days, for God's sake. A few days since he said he would marry her, get a big house, and have kids. As she cried in an abandoned on call room, she thought her friendship with him was over.

For the next two weeks, she felt alone, and focused on her work. Meredith, Cristina, Alex...they all were her friends, but it was almost as if they tolerated her because of Jackson. So she focused on trauma. And then she met Matt.

He was a breath of fresh air. And she needed that. It had been too clicky for far too long in this hospital. Everybody had slept with one another at some point and it was feeling incestuous in the four walls of this hospital. She and Matt were different though.

Snapping back to the present April responded, "Hey Jackson," slowing her pace so he could catch up. She needed to get down to the reopened trauma center. "I would stop and chat, but the first day back has been crazy."

Jackson nodded and said, "I can see that. I just wanted to say good work on that last case."

She smiled, "Uh thanks. You too."

April looked out of her peripheral vision and he was keeping pace with her and she asked, "Heading down to trauma?"

Jackson looked at her as they neared the elevators and said, "Yeah, Stephanie paged me for a consult."

April nodded as they boarded the elevator and rode down. The awkward silence was almost unbearable and she begged the elevator to go faster.

"So...you and Matt still going out?" he asked.

April looked at him, not believing he would bring that up. That was supposed to cut the tension? Really Jackson?

"Yep," she responded vaguely. It was none of his business.

"Good, good. Steph and I are, well it's going good for us too," he said.

"Good," she responded, not understanding what was going on. Was he trying to go back to before they had sex and talked about things? Not gonna happen.

Silence followed and April pressed the button on the floor she needed once more to encourage it to hurry. Was the elevator broken?

"I just wondered because, you know, the conversation we had about...you know, sex with Matt and how you were going to break it to him that you were a once again virgin...again," he blurted out and April then realized he was digging for information.

The door dinged open and she walked out without another word to him. What the hell was his problem? Whatever it was, she didn't have time for it.

**So? Continue? Please review or PM me to let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the feedback and thanks for reading. Please let me know what you all think about this chapter! **

**Enjoy (and does anybody know if GA is new this week? I miss it)!**

I Want This

Chapter Two

Jackson

Jackson watched April get off the elevator, shooting him a look over her shoulder that showed that she was weirded out by their conversation and maybe even a little bit angry. He had totally made up Stephanie paging him for the trauma unit as an excuse to walk with her and quickly pressed the button on the elevator to go back up to plastics.

Jackson closed his eyes and slammed the rail in the elevator in frustration. He growled low in his throat and murmured, "Stupid."

The door pinged open and Stephanie stood at the nurses' station. Jackson exhaled in frustration and strode towards the station with one goal in mind. Get the charts he needed and begin rounding. Alone.

Stephanie spotted him and a huge smile broke across her face. She sidled up to him, rubbing her body into his side and said, "Hey, I got your patients charts ready for you. Ready to round?"

Jackson took the charts from her hands and said, "Actually I heard Bailey could use people in General and I told her I could spare you for today."

Her face fell and Jackson immediately felt like a mega dick. He shot her an apologetic smile and said, "Sorry."

She recovered quickly and said, "No problem. Lunch later?"

He looked at the pile of charts in his hands and said, "Sure, if I can get through all my patients I will see you down there."

Stephanie smiled and then left, walking towards the stairs.

Jackson grabbed his charts and then strode into his first room. Breast augmentation.

"Good afternoon, shall we get started?" he asked, sitting on the rolling stool and clicking his pen to start taking notes.

Two hours later he had been through four consultations and two surgeries. His pager sounded and it was to an on call room. Damn. He had missed lunch with Stephanie. He checked his watch and decided he had some time to meet her.

He made his way toward the on call room, taking the stairs when he heard someone laughing. He closed his eyes as he recognized the melodic laughter belonging to April Kepner. He stood still and quieted his breathing. She was on the phone.

"I don't know if taking off is a good idea. The trauma unit just opened back up. And I have got the boards to study for..." she said, debating.

_Take off where?_ Jackson wondered.

"That's true...well maybe I can talk to Hunt and tell him I need some time...Okay. You too. Bye." _You too? What 'you too?' _he wondered.

Jackson heard her walking up a few steps and then open a door, which slammed closed behind her. He held onto the railing and focused on where he needed to be, which was an on call room with his semi-serious intern girlfriend.

He ran up the rest of the stairs and walked with purpose to the on call room. When he walked in Stephanie was half dressed but she was jerking the rest of her clothes on. She was pissed.

"Hey, whoa, where are you going?" he asked, walking toward her.

"What is going on?" she asked, her voice accusatory.

"I came as soon as I could," he said defensively.

"And you blew me off for lunch today, and when I went to find Bailey she said she had no idea what I was talking about when I said you sent me down to her to help. She had three interns! Are you trying to end this?" she asked, her hands on her hips.

Stephanie seemed pissed, but her eyes were brimming with tears. "Wha-no. I am not trying to end this. It has just been a crazy week trying to step into this new role that my mother pushed on me and I am just trying to adjust. Please be patient with me while I figure out how to balance all this?" he asked softly, circling her waist with his arms.

She looked into his eyes for a minute before she wiped her eyes under her glasses and sniffled. "Okay. Sorry, I just didn't know if it was me or something else."

"It's not you, it's...everything else," he said in a reassuring tone.

She gave him a small smile which he returned with a suggestive smirk and asked, "Do you still have time?"

She shook her head and said, "Now Bailey really does need me, so I have to go."

He sighed in frustration and she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips softly before pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her nose and wiggling out of his hold on her. She moved to the door and looked at him once more before she left the on call room.

Jackson sat on the bottom bunk and rubbed his face. His pager then sounded and this time it was for an extension he didn't recognize. He picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"Jackson, baby, guess where I am?" his mother purred.

Jackson rolled his eyes and asked, "Where?"

"Your new executive office. The question is, where are you, baby? You need to be here to go over paperwork," she scolded. He told her he would be there in a few minutes then got up and walked out of the on call room.

April

April sat down in the cafeteria with Meredith, Cristina and Alex.

She began eating her salad and zoned in on their conversation

"At least it's Jackson and not some other yuppie idiot from the Harper Avery Foundation who will come and change the place. This way we can tell Jackson what we want and bada-bing bada-boom, it's done," Alex said as he took a bite out of his sandwich.

Meredith and Cristina nodded and April wondered what the hell they were talking about. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"You didn't hear?" Meredith asked.

"Hear what?" she asked, now frustrated. Obviously she didn't know.

"You know we bought the hospital, right?" Cristina asked sarcastically.

"Yeah," she said, "What does that have to do with the Harper Avery Foundation?"

"The Harper Avery Foundation stepped in to finance the rest of the buy when we couldn't find it ourselves. As a result they have a controlling interest and have appointed a representation to the board that has 51% say in what goes on around here. And that is Jackson," Meredith said, taking a big bite out of an apple at the end of her spiel.

April's mouth dropped and Cristina said, "His momma bought him a hospital to play doctor in."

April was still reeling from the news and couldn't figure out how to even respond. She looked down at her salad and closed her mouth as she digested that little tidbit of information.

How could Jackson not have even mentioned this to her? Did she really mean so little to him now? That she had to hear about this..._monumental_ life event through the grapevine? April shook her head as if to clear it and tried to make sense.

She needed to accept that things were different with Jackson now. He didn't need her. They weren't as close as she thought. They might not even be friends. It sure seemed that way. The realization was so painful and April fought tears as she sat at the table. She reminded herself that Cristina was here. And Alex. Meredith was nice, but the other two would eviscerate her for crying.

She inhaled deeply and then exhaled and then dug into her salad, focusing on it as the other three continued to verbally spar with each other. The minute she was done with her food she stood and said, "I gotta get back to it."

They all waved to her as she left, knowing they were going to be talking about her the second that she was out of earshot. She didn't even care. April got rid of her lunch tray and spotted the tall figure of Hunt.

"Dr. Hunt!" she called out. He was like a sign.

He spun and waited for her to come to him and said, "I need to talk to you about taking some time off."

He gave her a confused look and said, "Kepner, this really isn't a good time for that, especially since trauma is just getting back up on its feet."

"I know, but...but I need this. I need to study for my boards and-" she stammered out and something in her eyes must have expressed the desperation she felt because he held up his hands and responded, "Of course, I am sorry, you are right. I didn't even think about that. Fill out the time request form and I will make sure it's approved."

She smiled in appreciation and said, "Thanks Dr. Hunt."

He smiled encouragingly and touched her shoulder in a show of support and walked past her towards the Administration offices.

April did need this break with Matt. And she needed to get out of this hospital and away from Jackson. She needed a breather.

April gave herself a small pep talk and suddenly a code alarm sounded and she took off running to where she was needed.

**So I am going to continue my pleas for feedback so I can gauge whether or not I should continue...let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading everybody and happy hump day!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everybody! Happy Friday! Please read and review. Thanks for reading and enjoy.**

I Want This 

Chapter 3

April

April smiled as she walked into the hospital. She made her way to the attendings lounge, sipping her coffee and thinking about her date with Matt last night. He had done research about where they could take their time away. He said she could choose and she did.

On their first date Matt had said that his family had a cabin on a Saddle Mountain Lake, three hours away outside of Audrey, WA. It was close enough to civilization, but provided the quiet they would need for it to be truly relaxing. Matt was surprised by her choice, but he called his family and told them they would be using it.

Once their plans were made, they finished dinner and made out like teens. April set her coffee mug down on the table and grabbed her inter-office mail out of her box and headed over towards her cubby. She grabbed her scrubs as she leafed through her mail.

She spotted a manilla envelope with Jackson's messy scrawl on it and opened it.

She perused the very official letter detailing the reasons her time request had been denied...signed Dr. Jackson Avery, MD.

April looked at the letter in disbelief and saw red. She fumed at the letter and Alex walked in and asked, "Who pissed in your Cheerios?"

April looked at Alex in disbelief and replied, "Jackson. Jackson pissed in my fucking Cheerios." Alex smirked as April stormed past him and out of the lounge and towards Administration.

She stopped one of the secretaries and asked where Avery's office was and she pointed her in the right direction. His new office was right next door to Owen's office.

His door was open and he was sitting at his desk and immersed in some paperwork.

"Heya boss, mind telling me in person why my time request was denied even though I provided coverage for the trauma unit with verbal _and _written confirmation from attendings willing to cover my absence?" she spat, flinging the manilla envelope and paperwork down on top of the pile he was working on.

"Kepner," he began, but she cut him off.

"What the hell, Jackson?" she seethed. "There is no reason that my time shouldn't be approved. Before all the other boards, time was granted to the residents so they could study."

"So you'll be studying, huh?" Jackson said, his professional facade gone replaced with sarcastic disbelief and...anger? He was pissed. His eyes flashed with anger.

April only looked at him in shock, her mouth hanging open and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What's this really about, Jackson?" she said, her voice shaking with frustration and rage. Yes, rage.

Jackson stood and leaned forward, placing his hands on his desk. "This isn't anything more than me, yes, _your new boss_, telling you I can't spare you right now. So resubmit for time off at another time. Thanks you, Dr. Kepner."

He sat down and grabbed her paperwork and handed it back to her. She snatched it out of his hand, completely pissed and stormed out of her office.

April made her way to trauma and spotted Owen walking out of one of the conference rooms with Cristina. She walked up to him and waved the paperwork in his face and said, "Thanks Hunt for making sure I got the time off. Jackson just denied-"

"Kepner, I no longer work here, so take it up with someone else," Owen barked.

April stuttered, "Wh-What?" as Owen strode down the corridor away from April and Cristina.

"He told Jackson he quit this morning," Cristina murmured, her worried gaze focused on Owen's retreating figure. April looked to Owen and then back to Cristina. "That is ridiculous. He can't just quit."

Cristina only looked at her for a moment and then walked off, leaving April completely confused. April chewed on her bottom lip when her phone rang. Matt. "Hey," she answered.

She walked over to a nurses station and leaned against it as she looked back towards Administration. "Hey babe, wanna do lunch? I can eat there with you or bring you something," Matt suggested.

She focused back on her conversation and said, "Uh, yeah, lunch would be great. Page me when you get here."

She hung up with him and then made her way back to Jackson's office. She peeked in and saw Jackson leaning on his desk, holding his head. It was only now that April saw how stressed he was. His shoulders were unbelievably tense and it looked like he was jittery from all the coffee he must be drinking to keep his energy up.

She hadn't noticed anything about his face ten minutes ago except that he was pissed at her. April knocked lightly on the door and walked in. Jackson looked up and then sighed in frustration and exhaustion. He was exhausted. His had dark circles under his glowing green eyes, but they weren't glowing today. They was no sparkle in them which disturbed April more than she would like to admit.

"Hey Jackson," she said softly, "I just, um, wanted to apologize for storming in here like that. I have just...been having one of those weeks and I took it out on you. Sorry."

He looked at her and then nodded and said, "I have been having one of those weeks too."

She nodded and walked to sit on one of the chairs in front of his desk and said, "I bet. How are you handling all this?" as she gestured around the room.

He leaned back in his chair and rested his head so that his gaze was focused on the ceiling. "It's...a nightmare. This isn't why I became a doctor."

April remained silent because she didn't know what to say. Usually she felt this need to fill the air with chatter to make it less uncomfortable, but she knew there wasn't anything she could say that Jackson wanted to hear.

She looked around the office, which smelled of fresh paint. There was new artwork hanging of the Seattle skyline at different times of day and a HArper Avery Foundation crest as well. She looked behind his desk and saw his medical school diploma along with a few other awards.

"Nice digs," she commented after a while. She focused back on Jackson and was startled to see that his eyes were studying her, for how long she didn't know.

"Thanks, it's all my mother's doing," he said drolly.

April smiled and said, "I like the navy walls. It's very calming and goes well with the pictures...the couch doesn't really go though."

Jackson smiled at her and then leaned down and picked something up.

A huge jumble of different upholstery fabrics, "I am supposed to choose one by the end of the day to have the couch reupholstered."

April smiled and said, "Gotta love your mother."

Jackson only smiled, rolled his eyes, and shook his head.

April stood and said, "Again, I am sorry for barging in and bothering you. I know that this seems unmanageable now, but you can do this. And you will make this hospital better. It won't be easy, but just remember, that you can do it, Jackson. Adn you will be so great. I know it." She gave him a small smile and then walked to the door.

"April," he called after her as she began walking through the door.

She turned and raised an eyebrow in question and he said, "Go on your vacation. I will approve the time off."

She paused and said, "Jackson, that wasn't the reason I came in here."

He nodded and said, "I know."

They were silent and she turned to head out of the office once more, but he once again stopped her.

"And April," he said, waiting for her to respond, "Thanks."

She nodded and gave him a final smile before shutting the door behind her and walking back towards trauma.

Jackson

Jackson watched April walked down the walkway from his office and sighed. He needed that. He needed her to tell him he could do it. Jackson realized he needed April's support,

He went over their conversation and thought about how good a person April was. He had found a true friend. She had gotten past her issues with Jackson and provided him comfort when he least deserved it. He had rejected her time request to be a dick. He had no real reason to do so.

Jackson looked down at the finance reports in front of him and sighed in frustration. He was going to need somebody to help him through all this.

There was another knock on the door and Catherine came in and said, "Hi, baby, how is your first day? Your office is looking much better."

"Yeah, it's great, thanks, hey I'm, uh, having trouble getting through all these finance reports," he said gesturing to all the paperwork around him.

"Baby it's gonna take time, but you will get it," she cooed, giving Jackson a charming smile. "So what am wondering is how you are dealing with all this tension. Tell me little miss Stephanie has been taking good care of you..." her eyebrow raised suggestively.

Jackson rolled his eyes and said, "Why do you have to ask such weird questions? I am not talking about my sex life with you, how many times do I have to say this?"

Catherine smiled and said, "Baby I just worry and sex is the best way to deal with.._stress_. Trust me," she said knowingly and Jackson thought if he could find die right now he would. He didn't need to hear that Richard Weber was helping his mother deal with her stress.

Jackson only shook his head and said, "Unless you are here to advise me on how to read numbers only an accountant could understand or teach me about laws and policies, I can't make time for you today."

"Not even lunch?" she asked, looking truly disappointed.

Jackson sighed and then thought about his other lunch options. Who was pissed at him? Everyone. Everyone hated him right now thinking he was a Harper Avery Foundation puppet.

"Sure, lunch would be good. Come around whenever you are ready," Jackson said.

Catherine broke out in a delighted smile and said, "Good. I will see you then, sweetheart." She pecked his cheek and then swept out of the room.

Jackson sat back at his desk and set aside the contracts, policies, and financial reports and grabbed a pad of yellow paper. He closed his eyes and thought about why he was here. Why he was in this situation.

Mark. His mentor, his teacher, his friend. Lexie. Intelligent, kind, and one of the most beautiful people inside and out. He thought of all that was lost with their deaths. Loss to himself and his colleagues. Loss to the medical field. Loss to their family. Jackson knew that this was his family. And this was their first step together as a family without them.

And it was a hard step. But at least it was within the right direction. Jackson closed his eyes and a small smile fell on his lips. It was now he understood. He understood his purpose in this mess.

He grabbed his pen and wrote down what he knew would be make this journey easier. What would make them all remember what they wanted to accomplish with this hospital.

He looked down at the yellow pad and smiled. "Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital'. It fitted and Jackson knew now everything would be okay.

He looked to the to the trash and began throwing out all the Pegasus paraphernalia that littered his office. He then began going over the other two items he would make sure he wanted to bring to the other board members. Meredith, Derek, Cristina, Torres, Robbins. And he worked so that he could tell them the way he would do it.

Before he knew it, his mother had returned and said, "Ready baby?"

He nodded and stood and grabbed his wallet and pager from the desk along with his keys.

"You look in a better mood," she noted as they walked to the cafeteria.

"That's because I have a plan," he said confidently.

Catherine smiled, clearly proud and said, "Well, good."

Jackson walked through the line, deciding on a soup and salad. "First thing I should do is get better food up in here," he murmured to his mother, who chuckled.

His mother also decided on a salad and as they sat Jackson caught sight of April, laughing with Matt as they looked for a table to sit and eat. Jackson averted hsi gaze, but Catherine had spotted what he had been looking at and called out, "April, honey!"

"Mom," Jackson hissed out of the corner of his mouth, but the damage was done.

April made her way over to Catherine and said, "Hi Dr. Avery, Jackson."

"April, honey, how about you and that tall glass of water over there come and join us for lunch?" Catherine suggested.

April looked hesitant and Jackson helped her out by saying, "Mom, they want to be alone."

"Nonsense, I haven't caught up with April in so long. I insist," she said in an authoritative voice.

April swallowed, then smiled and said, "Uh sure, let me go ask Matt."

She set her tray down and then walked to Matt who listened to her momentarily and then nodded and walked over with a timid smile on his face.

"Dr. Avery, this is Matt," April said, sitting down, touching his elbow to encourage him to sit.

Jackson realized he was glaring at Matt and schooled his features as his mother introduced herself.

"So how long have you been dating? You make an adorable couple," Catherine said.

"A few weeks now," Matt replied, smiling fondly at April.

"Oh it's those first few weeks when you are getting to know each other that are the best," Catherine said mischievously as she winked at April.

April blushed and gave a nervous cough. "Mother," Jackson said in a warning tone.

"What?" Catherine asked innocently.

Matt coughed and April said, "We are actually taking some time off together to get away. I am hoping to get some studying in for the boards."

Catherine laughed and said, "Oh yeah, you _hit _those books, April."

"Mother," Jackson said through clenched teeth.

"Oh hush, I am just teasing, baby. April knows I mean no harm," she said.

April only blushed and ate her lunch and even Matt was looking a little embaressed.

Jackson began eating his food as his mother began getting information on where they were going, how long they would be gone, and what the specifics were.

A secluded cabin in the woods, near the lake. Such a romantic setting.

Jackson chewed on his salad and tried to focus on anything but the happy couple in front of him, but he couldn't. It hurt too much.

Kepner's pager went off and and practically lept to her feet. She looked at ther pager and said, "Major trauma coming in. I am gonna have to get going. Nice chatting Dr. Avery and Jackson."

Matt stood too and said "Nice to meet you," before trailing after April.

Jackson focused bakc on his food and glanced to his mother who was watching him, something brewing behind her eyes.

"What?" he asked.

"How long?" she asked.

"How long what?" he asked, a nervous flutter in his stomach.

"Don't you play dumb with me. I didn't raise stupid children and I don't like when they pretend otherwise. How long have you liked April Kepner?" she asked.

Jackson remained silent and held her gaze. "Jackson?"

"I don't like April Kepner," he said, the words were practically painful to get out.

Catherine held his gaze and her eyes filled with...pity. "You..." she began, but she couldn't even finish her sentence.

"I love her," he said, the truth beautiful to his ears. Nothing had ever been more true to him. He loved her.

**So I watched the last episode and incorporated it into this story...maybe that's what I'll continue to do...we'll see how it goes. What do you all think? Please make my day and review this chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone! Hope you are having a good week so far! I wanted to post something, so even though I know it's short, I wanted to give you guys something. I will be posting soon with a longer chapter. So please make sure to hit review after you enjoy this mini-chapter! I need all the encouragement I can get!**

I Want This

Chapter 4

Jackson

"You love...Kepner? Since when?" his mother said, in shock and disbelief, her eyes looking for April, who had long ago left with Matt, her current boyfriend.

Jackson remained silent.

"How long?" his mother asked, her tone more stern.

"I don't know. It's been...complicated with us since San Francisco," he said, rubbing his forehead, a tension headache beginning to surface. Why did he tell his mother again?

"_San Francisco?_" Catherine hissed out in disbelief.

Jackson only nodded. If he gave her anymore details they would spread like wildfire through this hospital and April would kill him. So would Stephanie for that matter.

"Don't think I don't see you avoiding elaborating on that, but what I want to know is why you are with Stephanie when you are in love with April?" she asked.

"Mom...I can't even get into this right now," he said, taking another bite of his salad.

"Oh yes you can and you are going to baby, because let your mother tell you something. You may be in love with her, but your next moves need be _very _delicate. There are a couple big issues with this scenario, baby, and the biggest one is April being a virgin," she said, raising her eyebrow.

"Mom!" Jackson grit out angrily.

"Well, it's true baby," she said, "That is a big deal, especially if it's with a woman who has saved herself, like April. The man she gives it to will probably be the man she will want to commit to. So tread lightly, sweetheart," she said. Jackson only swallowed and looked down at his tray, not able to look his mother in her all-seeing, all-knowing eyes. "

"The second thing you need to consider is that it looks like April is happy right now, and while I am not saying she wouldn't be happy with you, you don't want to ruin anything for her if you aren't _absolutely _sure," she said, her expression serious.

Jackson stared down into his soup bowl pondering his mother's words. She was right, and it wasn't as if he hadn't thought about all this before. April wasn't a casual dating kind of girl. Look at her and Matt. He could already tell she was semi-committed to him even though they had only been going out for a short period of time. Hell, they were already going away together.

If Jackson was going to tell April how he felt, he better be damn sure he was ready to commit. What if he committed and she said she wasn't sleeping with him until they were married...could he even _do _that? If he told her he loved her and she said she needed him to wait for marriage, he would be a total douche for backing out of a relationship with her because of her beliefs on premarital sex. But sex was a _big _deal...for both of them.

Not long ago, he told April he was nowhere near ready to be somebody's husband, and that was true. And as unfair as it was, Jackson couldn't help wondering if Matt _was _ready? Ready to make April his wife? The thought caused Jackson's breath to actually catch as he stirred his lukewarm soup.

"See, this is what has got me worried about this whole mess," Catherine said, waving her fork around his face. "My advice is to take your time before you make any big decisions."

Jackson nodded and said, "I am definitely not rushing into this."

"Good," she said.

They ate in silence for the rest of their lunch, digesting the revelations that had come out of their meal. As they got rid of their trays and walked out of the cafeteria, Catherine said, "Good luck, baby. And remember, take your _time_."

He nodded and kissed her cheek before turning and walking towards his office once more.

April

April washed her hands in the bathroom and was checking her hair and makeup in the mirror when she heard a distinct sniffle coming from one of the stalls.

She turned curiously and then bent over and looked for a pair of shoes. She spotted some sneakers and asked, "Hey, are you alright in there?"

The sniffles stopped momentarily and a shaky voice said, "Yeah, I uhh, I'm fine."

There was a flush and Stephanie emerged from the stall, her eyes puffy and red from crying.

"What's the matter?" she asked gently.

"No...no, it's nothing," she said, waving her hand dismissively in the air.

April gave her a concerned look and said, "Well, okay, but you can talk to me you know? If you need to."

Stephanie gave her a weak smile and nodded and April turned and walked towards the door to give her some privacy.

"It's Jackson," she called out to April just as she was about to walk out of the door.

April closed the door and turned around. She really didn't want to get in the middle of all this. She was just getting back on solid ground with Jackson. They were far from being okay again, but they were going to get there. But Stephanie was an intern. And more importantly, a scared woman.

She looked at Stephanie and shrugged her shoulders. Stephanie looked down at her shoes and then choked out another sob.

"Oh God," April said, "You're..you're not pregnant..." she trailed off, her world spinning.

"No! God no!" Stephanie said, "He just...he just seems so...preoccupied all the time="

"Oh for God's sake," April said, exhaling deeply, "Are you _kidding _me?" she shrieked out, "He has a hospital to run. Literally, the _entire _hospital. He is responsible for every penny spent, every employee from the Jerry the housekeeper to the chief of surgery. The reason he seems preoccupied, is because _he is_ preoccupied. Get it together," she said, rolling her eyes and walking out.

April exhaled and walked towards the medical library and on her way she passed the executive board offices and conference rooms. Meredith, Derek, Cristina, Robbins and Torres were sitting at the table and Jackson was standing at the head of it, hiding something.

The rest of the doctors were smiling, some even teary eyed at Jackson's words and April continued on, smiling at the knowledge that Jackson was beginning to gain confidence in his new role and now proving his capabilities to the rest of the board. He would be fine.

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone! Thanks for the reviews and messages! I like the support! Did anyone see the new Grey's yet? I did and had to post this today. I also wanted to say they better bring April and Jackson back or I am going to be seriously pissed. There is so much **_**there **_**left unresolved!**

**Anyway, please enjoy! And then review!**

I Want This

Chapter 5

Jackson

Jackson walked out of the conference room chuckling with one of the members of the Harper Avery foundation. It had been a good meeting. His mother brought up the rear of the group and she gave him a proud smile.

"You make your mother proud, baby," she whispered as she eyed the rest of the board who were chattering about the hospital. Jackson nodded and said, "Thank you."

"You charmed them," she said, elaborating. "You were eloquent. Knowledgeable. Your grandfather would be proud. And _that _is saying something."

Jackson smiled and rolled his eyes. "How are you doing with everything else?" she asked, giving him a meaningful look.

Jackson sighed and said, "I thought you agreed not to bring this up again."

His mother leveled him with a look and he conceded and replied, "She's, uh, she's gone. She left for her vacation."

Catherine looked at him and nodded and said, "So you...changed your mind."

Jackson shook his head and then said, "I just haven't made it up yet."

She nodded and kissed his cheek. "I am going to lunch with some of those stiffs. Have a good day, baby."

She walked down the hall and linked arms with one of the men who had fallen back to wait for her. She laughed up at him, dazzling him with her smile. Jackson knew she was where he got his charm from.

Jackson walked back to his office and closed the door behind him. He leaned against it for a second and closed his eyes. He loosened his tie and spotted the scrubs he had asked an intern to bring up before his meeting.

A knock sounded right behind his ear and he jumped at the sound.

He opened his door and Torres stood there. "Hey Jackson, how was the foundation meeting?"

"Good, you need something?" he asked, walking towards the scrubs and scooping them off his desk.

"Kepner, I need to get in touch with her, but her cell is off. I figure you know how to get in touch with her," she said, walking toward the chairs in front of his desk and sitting down.

"Well, you figure wrong. If she isn't answering on her cell, I have no way to get ahold of her. She is on vacation though, so it should wait until she gets back," Jackson said.

"Okay, well, that's not gonna work for me Jackson," Torres said, "What about Matt? You have a way to get in touch with him?"

He shook his head and looked at her.

"You are acting...weird. Do you even care what this is about? I thought you were her friend," she said, incredulous.

"I am," Jackson said.

Torres only looked at him with confusion and even a little concern. She then walked to the door and before she left she said, "If you hear from her, tell her to get in touch with me."

He nodded, but she was already gone.

Jackson closed his eyes and sank to his chair, rubbing his temples. He had also tried to get in touch with April, but had the same result Torres had. He hadn't even know why he called, he just...he didn't know.

Jackson took off his tie and pulled the blinds so he could change into his scrubs. The door knocked again as he was stepping into his pants and he rolled his eyes. He couldn't get a fucking minute.

The door opened and he warned, "Hey!"

"It's just me," Stephanie said, smiling at him as she closed the door.

"Hey," he said, tying his scrub pants. "What's up?" he said, grabbing for his shirt.

"I was wondering if I was going to see you today, and then I thought, why wonder? I escaped Medusa and ran over here, a determined woman. Do you have some time?" she asked suggestively, "We could..."

"Stephanie," he said, opening the blinds once more and turning back to her.

She looked at him in curiosity and then back to the blinds. "You're busy?"

"No, well, yes, very busy, but I did want to talk to you today. Wanna go grab some lunch after I do this consult?" he asked.

Stephanie smiled and nodded and he gave her a small smile, even though he felt like a complete dick.

She walked up to him and pecked his cheek and he forced himself not to look behind him to see if any of the board members lingered. The truth was that the foundation's attorney, the hospital's attorney and his mother had approached him. They had advised him that he limit his "dalliances" (their word not his) within the hospital to the absolute minimum. It opened him and the hospital up to lawsuits for sexual harassment. They advised eliminating improper conduct at all costs. It was funny coming from his mother, but the lawyer had been dead serious. Jackson was in an upper level position of power and he could be liable if someone said he had abused that power in _any _way, even if it wasn't true.

Jackson had been thinking it over and while he liked Stephanie, he wanted to end whatever it was that they were doing because it wasn't worth the risks. He couldn't put anything or anyone above the hospital that he was trying to build. It would have to be a lot more serious a relationship for him to consider putting it all on the line. And Stephanie and he were fooling around.

He walked down to plastics and smiled. He was in his zone. He got to be a doctor now and for the rest of the day.

April

April chewed her lip as she watched Matt get out of the lake. He had taken his morning swim and the moment when he climbed out of the water...let's just say it was her favorite part of everyday here. She couldn't help the low moan that escaped out of her mouth as she watched the water glisten on his chest. She shook her head and focused back on her books and note cards.

April was in a very dark place. Metaphorically speaking. She was in a beautiful place actually, the sun streaming through the trees, the last spring breeze blowing through her hair. She meant that she was...well, horny as hell. That's what she had meant by being in a dark place.

She liked that Matt was so honest about waiting and wanting to take it slow. She thought that going away was his way of saying 'let's speed things up', but no such luck. Hiking, relaxing, swimming, fishing. They were having a blast. But not in the bedroom where April really wanted to have a blast.

April scolded herself, trying to remind herself of all the Christian values that had been implanted in her since she was an adolescent girl. She closed her eyes and thought 'Pure thoughts' over and over, but when she opened her eyes she found Matt walking right up to her and leaning down to kiss her. She smiled and inhaled at his closeness and asked, "How was your swim?"

"Good. Refreshing," he said, smiling as he toweled his hair. His arm and chest muscles danced as he did so and April thought she might start to literally drool.

"How is the studying?" he asked, sitting in the Adirondack chair opposite hers.

"Oh, well, I am gonna fail, give up medicine and then go back to Ohio, a failure to my family, friends, and the medical community in general," she said, giving a humorous laugh as she gently closed her book.

Matt chuckled then stood and said, "You, April Kepner, have never been and will never be a failure. You are smart, determined, and one of the most focused women I know. You will pass and you will be an amazing trauma surgeon. I know it," he said, kissing the top of her head.

She smiled up at him and asked, "Really?"

"Really. Now I am going to go make us some breakfast. You study and I will bring it back to you," he said grabbing his towel and going inside.

April watched him go, the back every bit as good as the front, and fanned herself off. She closed her mouth and swallowed as she tried to regain her composure.

"Study," she mumbled to herself.

April opened her book and began to immerse herself in medical jargon and practice exams when Matt reappeared holding a bowl of oatmeal just how she liked it, and his cell phone. She looked at the phone in confusion as she took it from him and he whispered, "Dr. Callie Torres."

She was even more mystified and put the cell to her ear and said, "Callie?"

"April! Thank God. I have been trying to track you down all day, but your phone is dead. I actually had to stalk trauma for Matt's paramedic partner, who isn't the most forthcoming paramedic, let me tell you" Callie said.

"Callie, I um, am not at the hospital. I am still away," she said, looking over her shoulder for Matt. He must be in the shower. Wet. Naked. With soap...

"I know, you need to get your ass back here though," Callie said, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"What? No way, why? Matt and I are supposed to be up here for a few more days," April said, not mentioning that she wanted to stay so she could try to seduce her pure, perfect, virginal boyfriend to have sex with her. Bad April, bad.

"Look Kepner, you need to get back here because I am guessing that you wanna pass your boards and how are you going to pass? Me. That's how. I have a system and it is a fail proof system. You could show up drunk and in sweatpants and pass _with my system_, just get back here," she barked in the phone.

April closed her eyes and exhaled and said, "Fine."

"Good, and be grateful. I don't do this for just anybody," she said before she hung up.

April ended the call and looked at the photo on Matt's screen. It was of them, smiling at the camera. April smiled and leaned her head back against the back of the chair and thought, _Matt is worth the wait, pray for patience_. She did and she knew it was going to be better. She was going to be better. Because Matt was better for her.

Jackson

Jackson walked in the hospital, avoiding the confused glances his way. Apparently word was already getting around. He had just took Stephanie to lunch and broken it off with her. And she hadn't taken it well. She had cried. He hated it when they cried. It made him feel awful. And it was worse because of the weird power dynamic because they worked with each other and Jackson was the superior. Now the ultimate superior.

Jackson walked to his office and Miranda Bailey was there, "I gotta talk to you about something, Jackson."

Jackson held up his hand and said, "Bailey, I _need _a surgery and I am already not having the best day."

"But this proposal-" she began, waving her folder around.

"Proposal? Put it on my desk and I will look at it when I am an administrator of this hospital again. Right now I am a doctor. Not administrator," he said, grabbing his scrubs and giving Bailey a significant look, telling her he was going to change.

She gave out a frustrated sigh and left, slamming the door behind her and Jackson wasted no time in pulling on his scrubs. He left the office and locked his door before walking down to trauma. He immediately scanned for April and then he remembered that she was gone. With Matt.

He looked to the board to see what they had, but the trauma unit was quiet. He really needed something. It had been a bad day so far and he needed something good to happen. He began walking around the nurse's desk when he ran into something.

April.

"Jackson," she said, breathless, "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

Jackson could help the smile that spread across his face as he looked her over and then he remembered she had apologized. "No, um, no worries. Shouldn't you be in a cabin?" he fumbled out.

_In a cabin_...? What the hell was wrong with him?

April chuckled and said, "Yeah, um, we were, but-"

"KEPNER!" Callie hollered, "Let's go."

April nodded and said, "See you later," bouncing off after Callie.

Jackson looked after them and wondered what she was doing here and with Callie? He watched her hair, her perfect, flowy shampoo commercial hair, move through the trauma unit and then just like that it was gone.

"Avery, we have an incoming motorcycle accident with lacerations..." but Jackson was still staring at where he had last seen April. He hadn't realized that his bad mood had been connected to her absence, but seeing her just now and his day was better...yeah it had been about April.

He looked to the nurse, who was waiting for orders, and said, "Right, let's go." He grabbed the clipboard and strode towards the doors as the ambulance pulled up, a big smile on his face.

April

April and Callie had been at it for days. Callie Torres was relentless and persistent. April had never been so tired. But then again, she felt so ready, so prepared she felt like she knew the material so well she may as well have invented the medical procedures she was talking about. She could give these answers in her sleep. Callie was right about her method. If Callie wanted to market this method, she would make millions.

Callie had asked Derek for his airstream trailer in the woods and they had been cooped up there for three days. Why had April left the beautiful lake house again? Instead she was here with Callie while she wore her down until all that was left of April Kepner was medical knowledge.

"Then I would monitor and pending further complications I would-" April said in a monotone voice, but was cut off by Callie.

"Yahdah, yahdah, yahdah discharge patient if no complications...April, you have this. You won't fail," Callie said, sighing and lying on her back, closing her eyes.

"What if I do though?" April asked after a few moments of exhausted silence.

Callie looked at her and asked, "Are you doubting my system?"

April said, "No! God, no! My head is so full I feel like I could run a hospital on my own. I just...my problem isn't that I am dumb. I felt okay last time, but then..."

"You slept with Jackson," Callie said softly.

April only nodded and Callie sat up and looked at her. "April. What you need to learn isn't in books. You need to learn that you are an incredible surgeon and an incredible person. When you go in there, all you need to think about is that. Your whole career is depending on you doing that. No pressure," she said, smirking and placing a hand over April's in a show of comfort.

April teared up and Callie said, "You know what Kepner? You need a friend. I need a friend that isn't my wife. We are friends. So we aren't leaving this airstream until we bond and I want you to tell me whatever might bother you while you are in your boards."

April sighed and said, "I slept with Jackson. And it...changed my life...in so many ways. Mostly good, but some bad. Really bad."

April blinked back her tears and Callie remained silent as she listened. "I told Matt I was a virgin," she said, pausing as Callie's face took her news in, "Because Matt...Matt's a virgin. And now, I don't know if God is real, because _how _could he put Matt in my path _after _I gave Jackson my virginity at the boards. Why would he do that? I have been thinking about it. A lot. And...I can't figure it out. God works in mysterious ways...maybe he doesn't work at all because he doesn't exist. And I am so tired, Callie, of trying to figure it out."

Callie was silent and April wiped a stray tear away. Callie smiled and said, "I believe in God. And I believe he works in mysterious ways. But April, this is no mystery here. God put Matt in your path to get you back_ on your path_. You strayed from the road when it came to Avery. He was your temptation. And who could deny that? His eyes alone...but April, there is redemption and then salvation. Matt is proof of that."

April smiled and gave a choked sob as what Callie said sunk in. Callie stood and wrapped her arms around April and said, "You need to tell him, April. Before the boards. Because the guilt will only become a heavier burden to bear and it will be the only thing you can think of. So tell him," Callie said, pulling away.

April looked down at her hands and nodded. She knew it was right. She just wondered if Matt would break it off with her.

"If he breaks up with you...everything will still be fine. Because you are a trauma surgeon at one of the leading hospitals in the country," Callie said with a smile.

April smiled and hugged Callie again and whispered, "Thank you, Callie."

"You're welcome, now let's get out of here so I can shower. And see my wife and baby," she said standing.

April smiled and stood, stretching. She was ready for her boards, which was in a week. She said, "I am going to go home, sleep, and then call Matt."

"Good," Callie said, walking out of the trailer with April behind her.

Jackson

Jackson paced nervously in his office. He had a big meeting and all he could think about was the fact that April was returning to the hospital today. He was going to talk to her today. He needed to. And not even about him still having feelings for her. But just in general. She had been gone two weeks and he had missed her. Like, bouncing off the walls, no able to focus on anything other than the fact that he missed his best friend.

He had so much to tell her and the first was that while she was gone he had revamped her trauma unit and even invested in a lodox, a cutting edge scan that would drastically change the efficiency of the trauma unit. And while he wanted the best for their hospital, he had April in mind the entire time. She was the future of Grey Sloan Trauma Unit.

"They're in the conference room when you are ready, Dr. Avery," his secretary Shelly said.

He nodded and said, "I will be there in a second. Did you schedule my afternoons with surgeries?" he asked.

"Bailey and Torres made sure to get your name on the board," she said, giving him a smile.

"Thanks, Shelly," he called after her as she left the office. He gathered his information on the new and improved trauma unit and headed for the office.

April

"April! Honey!"

April turned and looked for the source of whoever was calling for her and froze when she saw it was Catherine Avery. April had been determined to stay away from Jackson, and by extension, his mother until the boards were over so she could maintain her focus.

"Morning Dr. Avery. I am kinda in a rush. Was there something you needed?" she asked politely.

"Honey, I want to hear all about your trip with that yummy paramedic. Lunch?" she asked hopefully and April said, "I actually planned on having lunch with Matt."

"Oh honey, you need to reschedule. He has already had you to himself for two weeks," his mother said, a smile tugging at her lips. April stood there, not knowing how to respond. She felt the pressure and she needed it to go away.

"Sure, umm, yeah. I guess I can do that. Do you want to meet in the cafeteria?" she asked.

"Absolutely not, after I went there I decided I can't stomach the food. I will take you somewhere, my treat. I will meet you here," she said, clearly excited over her victory.

April nodded and said, "I will see you then." Catherine walked off and April looked for her phone and texted Matt that she had to cancel. He texted back immediately saying he understood and he would see her tonight at Joe's.

She put her phone back in her pocket and walked towards the attending's lounge to get changed. She had just finished getting dressed when Owen walked in and said, "Good, you're here. I want to show you something. How was your trip?"

"It was amazing. And then Callie kidnapped me and took me to the woods and forced fed me medical procedure and techniques until I became delirious with exhaustion, dehydration, and starvation. And until I smelled pretty terrible," she admitted with a smile.

Owen gave her an odd look that told her he didn't know how to respond to her joke and she chuckled and asked, "What do you want to show me?" she asked as they rounded the corner into the trauma unit. But it wasn't the trauma unit...it was the end of the rainbow. It was magical trauma unit.

"Oh...my.." she trailed off as she looked around the high tech trauma unit. Wasn't the hospital still kinda broke?

"All this isn't even the best part," Hunt said excitedly, dragging April, who was in a stupor, towards a room to the side of the shiny patient stations. He clicked on the light and April's mouth dropped.

"Is that..." she began.

"A Lodox," Owen finished, his eyes flicking between April and the machine.

April squealed and went forward, touching the machine lovingly. It was the most expensive, cutting edge piece of technology in trauma today.

"I can't believe it! I told Jackson all about this when I read about it first being used at Mass Gen!" she said as she looked at Owen in amazement.

"Jackson and the board were the ones who decided that if they were opening us back up, they were going to do it with style. And that includes this," he said, his smile infectious.

"I feel like its Christmas morning," she said, looking over his shoulder to see if there was someone she could use it on.

Jackson

Jackson set his tray on the table and asked, "Anyone seen Kepner?"

"Yeah, she was in trauma this morning completely starry eyed and I don't think it was over her vacation either. She was in love with the new lodox machine," Alex said, popping a potato chip in his mouth.

Jackson smiled and said, "She should. I remember how excited she was when she told me about it when it first came out."

Meredith and Cristina joined them and Jackson looked behind them towards the doors to see if Kepner was trailing behind. Where was she? She usually never skipped lunch. Except if it was with Matt.

"April trying to get back in your saddle by dating you mother?" Cristina asked.

"What?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah, I ran into them as they were leaving for lunch together," Cristina said offhandedly.

_Fuck_...Jackson thought, his mind spinning. His mother could do damage. Major damage.

"When?" he asked.

"Umm, like twenty minutes ago. No way you could catch them if you are looking for a better meal. Guess you are stuck with Stroganoff day like the rest of us," she said, taking a bite of said stroganoff dish.

Jackson closed his eyes and prayed his mother didn't fuck everything up, but he didn't have much hope. She always fucked things up.

April

"So..." Catherine trailed off, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at April.

April blushed and Catherine laughed and said, "For God's sake April, did you and the paramedic get it on or what?"

April gave a dry laugh and said, "Catherine!" looking around the restaurant to see if anybody else heard.

"Oh honey, nobody cares. Except me," she said quickly.

April remained silent for a while and then whispered across the table, "Okay, I am going to tell you something, but you cannot say a word to_ anyone. Any-one!_" _Especially your son_, she wanted to add, but knew that if she did Catherine would want to know why. She was a shark and she could smell blood in the water miles away.

"I uh, got intimate with some guy a while ago, in San Francisco," April admitted, biting her bottom lip. Catherine looked like April had smacked her in the face.

"Int-intimate?" Catherine choked out, her eyes glued to April's in shock.

"Had sex," April clarified, looking around to see if anybody was listening to them. Nobody, thank God.

"Wh-who?" Catherine stuttered out, closing her eyes for a second and April said, "Just this other doctor at the boards. It isn't important, except that it messed with my head and that's why I messed up so bad."

Catherine had her hand over her chest and her other over her mouth as if she was afraid she might blurt something out.

"Anyway, Matt and I started dating and he told me...he is a virgin. And I told him I was one too. And now all I want Catherine is to..." she trailed off as she thought about what she wanted to do. She wanted to drag Matt in the back of the ambulance and have her way with him.

"I want to...go to the carnival with him. I want to _so bad._ I have now been on _all _the rides, and now Matt won't go with me to the carnival because it's important that we both wait. I don't want to force him to go either, but each time we go out, it just gets more and more hard for me not to _make _him go to the carnival with me," she said, her rant over as Catherine blinked at her in shock.

Catherine was silent and April's cheeks flushed as she realized she had revealed it all to Catherine Avery. "Not a word to _anyone_!" April reminded her, pointing her finger at her.

"April, honey...I um, holy shit," she muttered rusting her forehead in her hands.

April looked at her and then burst out laughing, "Sorry, I just have never heard you swear."

Now people were looking and Catherine looked up and said, "I..umm, I never expected you to actually ever...get with anyone before you got married, honey, so I am a little shocked. I know I tease you to, but I never thought you would...get distracted by _carnival lights_," she finished, an amused smile on her face that didn't reassure April.

April blushed and said, "I should never had told you."

"No, baby, look I am glad you told me. Believe me," she said, placing her hand over April's.

"You're in quite deep it seems," Catherine said, laughing as April took a long drink of water and fanned her inflamed cheeks.

"I have to tell him the truth," April said sadly.

Catherine remained silent and there was an odd look on her face that April couldn't label.

"And he is so perfect...I just don't want to blow it because of one tiny fib," she said.

Catherine squeezed her hand and said, "Baby, everything happens for a reason. And what is it you bible thumpers say? If God closes a Matt sized window, a door of someone else opens? Someone who like carnivals? Hell, could be a carnie."

April laughed and the two finished their lunch, needing to get to the hospital.

**So? Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi everyone! I got super pumped about all the reviews that I power wrote this chapter. Please keep up the feedback. It makes me happy!**

**Enjoy!**

I Want This

Chapter 6

Jackson

Jackson spotted April after lunch in the trauma unit, smiling and talking to a patient who she was stitching up. Usually she would call for someone in plastics for the laceration, but Jackson guessed she thought he might be too busy.

Not today. "April, want my assistance?" he asked, sliding on a stool to watch her handiwork. She smiled without looking at him and replied, "I think I am okay. Almost done."

"That is really good," he observed. Her small, dexterous hands had done a beautiful job. Even by plastic surgeon standards it beautiful work.

"Thanks Jackson," she said, shooting him and odd look as she tied off the stitch.

"Okay Mr. Publer, you are good as new. If you would please step over to that desk, the lady there will have you autograph her papers and have you out of here," she said, giving him a smile and pointing him towards the desk.

"Thank you, Dr. Kepner," Mr. Publer said and walked slowly toward the desk as April began to clean up the station and then grabbed her electronic pad and began clicking buttons to update the patient file. "Look, so cool," she said to Jackson, pointing to the screen as it saved.

She squealed in excitement when it updated and Jackson laughed and said, "Yeah it's pretty great."

"Great? It's amazing. I can't believe the board did all this while I was gone!" she said, not looking at Jackson as she continued to fiddle with the new toy.

"April," he said, needing to see her look at him.

She looked up at him in confusion and said, "Yeah?"

"So, um, how was your trip? With Matt?" he asked awkwardly.

"It was great," she said, looking back down to the electronic pad.

"What did you guys do?" he asked, knowing he was being nosy, but not really caring.

April tore her gaze away from the pad and said, "We did woodsy things. Hike, swim, fished. It was fun. It was nice to get away. I even got some studying in. Thanks again for approving the time."

"You're welcome," he said. She nodded and then a nurse handed her a board and she glanced over it.

"Do you feel ready?" Jackson asked.

"Ready?" she asked, looking at him, blushing furiously.

"For the boards," he finished, smirking at her alarmed face.

"Oh, the boards, right, yes. I am more than ready," she said, leaning against the nurses' station, facing Jackson.

"No nerves?" he asked.

"None," she replied confidently.

"When do you leave? A few days right?" he asked.

She nodded and he asked, "Where is it again?"

"It's in Boston this year," she responded.

"Boston?" he asked, surprised. He was from Boston.

"Yeah, I will make sure to give your hometown a shout out for you," she said with a smile. "I got to go. The next patient is waiting."

He nodded and said, "Ok, wanna go to Joe's later?"

"Yeah, I was actually already planning on that. See you there," she said over her shoulder.

"Okay," he said to no one, because she was already gone. He looked over and a nurse was smiling at him knowingly and he said, "Shut up or you're fired," he said, his tone teasing. She chuckled and then went to go check on a patient as Jackson walked to the next patient waiting to be taken care of.

Before he reached the patient a shrill, "Jackson Avery!" rang out into the trauma unit and everybody turned to look. Catherine Avery had her sights on him and gestured him towards her and he looked at her in disbelief before going to her.

"What?" he hissed angrily.

"We need to talk," she said, her tone dead serious.

She grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him to a supply closet and shut the door.

"Tell me you aren't the doctor at the boards certification that deflowered April Kepner, causing her a mental break and the destruction of her medical career thus far," she said her eyes cold.

"How did you..."

"April. She never mentioned names, but I asked her how her weekend was and she blurted the whole thing out while she was venting about the paramedic," Catherine said, putting her hand on her hip.

"Why did you even take her out to lunch?" he asked, angry, his mind spinning from this information.

"I think the more important question is why you decided to leave out the most important part of _your _story, Jackson," she said. "That you slept with April Kepner. The night before the boards."

"She wanted to!" he blurted out and he immediately regretted it.

"She..." her mother said, trailing off.

"Yeah, I told her that I didn't think it was the best idea because I knew she was a virgin. But she _was _ready," he said. And she had been amazing, he thought to himself.

Catherine closed her eyes and said, "I...I um... okay."

"Mother, what are you going to do? Do _not _say anything."

"Oh, baby, trust me. I am not saying a word. To anyone. You two are left to clean this mess up on your own," she said, opening the supply closet and walking out.

Jackson rubbed his face in frustration and anger and then walked out and shut the door. Instead of going back to the trauma unit, he was going to his office. He needed some Tylenol for the massive headache that was brewing.

April

April wrung her hands as she waited for Matt and when he entered Joe's, he smiled and waved as he headed over. She pointed to the beers she had already bought for them and he walked over and leaned down and kissed her, before sitting down and saying, "I wanted to buy _you _drinks."

She smiled and said, "I beat you here so I bought the first round."

He smiled and held her hand and asked, "How was your first day back?"

"It was good. It's weird that I am going to Boston in a few days after being gone so long already," she said, flipping her hair to one side and fiddling with it.

He smiled and said, "I saw your new ER. It's nice."

April gushed over the new equipment and the new system and Matt listened until she couldn't talk anymore about organization and efficiency.

"Sounds like they have you spoiled. Maybe you'll end up staying here," he said hopefully, taking a sip of beer.

"Staying here?" she asked, and then realized he meant after her boards.

They hadn't really talked about all that yet, not wanting to question what would happen to their new relationship when it came for April to make that decision. She had said she didn't want to talk about it until she knew she had passed the boards and then she would worry about it. Matt had agreed and been supportive.

"No yeah, maybe. It's a definite possibility. If they want me, I suppose," she said, taking a sip of her beer.

He smiled and said, "Who wouldn't want you?"

She blushed and Cristina walked in and asked, "Have you seen Owen?"

"No, umm, he actually stayed behind to man the trauma unit," April said.

"Oh, well, okay I am going to go to the bar and get a drink," Cristina said, not wasting another minute.

April leaned forward and asked, "So how was your day?"

"I missed you a lot," Matt said.

"Me too, wanna go to your place after this?" she asked.

He nodded and smiled and after a minute he said, "You should just move in."

"What?" she asked, almost spitting her beer out she was so shocked.

"Well you already sleep there all the time anyway. Might as well. I don't think I like sleeping without you anymore," he said with a sheepish, shy smile.

April smiled and she said, "Well..."

"There are always interns looking for an apartment and it's close to the hospital so it won't be hard for you to get rid of," Matt said.

April considered it and then decided she would look into it. "Only if you want to," Matt said, squeezing her hand, "Think about it."

April nodded and leaned forward and kissed him deeply, running her hands through his hair. A voice interrupted the kiss and April sat down, slightly embarrassed that she had kissed him so publicly like that.

"Hey guys," Jackson said, coming up and sitting next to April, slinging his arm around her shoulder. It felt like he was already a little tipsy.

"Uh, hey Jackson," she said, shooting Matt an apologetic look.

"Hey, did you have fun on the trip, Matt?" Jackson asked, his smile off.

April looked mortified as she shrugged out from under Jackson's heavy arm as Alex came in and boxed Matt in on his side of the booth.

"What are we talking about?" Karev asked.

"Our vacation. We had a fun time," April said, trying to make it clear she didn't want them asking anymore questions.

"Ooh, right the lake house," Karev said, shooting a devilish smirk between Matt and April. April blushed furiously and said, "Shut up Karev."

"So, Matt...Matt the Paramedic. Is that what you wanted to be when you grew up Matt?" Jackson asked, smiling smugly at Matt across the table.

"Jackson," April hissed beneath her breath and kicking him under the table.

"No, April its okay," Matt said in a placating voice. "No, I originally wanted to be a writer. But then my grandmother suffered a heart attack and when the ambulance came, I was so amazed at how they brought her back. It really inspired me. I knew it was a sign from God that my life would be in the healing power of medicine."

April smiled, thinking about the nice story. Matt really was an amazing guy. One night as they were lying in bed, just snuggling, he told her he secretly wanted to go to med school and become a doctor. He said watching her work in the trauma unit showed him how her type of work was the lord's work. In Matt's eyes, April was people's saving grace when they came into trauma unit.

She had encouraged him and said he could do it. He had the knowledge and some medical experience. She told him he could do it and be so good.

"That's beautiful. A real Hallmark moment kind of a story," Jackson said, earning a guffaw from Alex.

"That's it," April snapped, "We are leaving. Move your ass, Karev. Jackson, get up and let me out."

"April," Jackson began, but she cut him off and pushed him out of the booth.

"What the hell is wrong with you Jackson?" she bit out to Jackson as she walked to Matt who was looking down at her in surprised wonder.

"Let's get out of here," she said, pulling him towards the door.

Jackson

Jackson watched April and Matt leave the bar and he looked up at Karev, who was laughing his ass off as he looked at Jackson's shocked face.

"Dude, you pissed her off. What the hell man, if you want her all you have to do is take her from that man-child," Alex said, taking a sip of his beer.

Jackson still looked at the door, wishing she would come back.

He closed his eyes and said, "Whatever man, I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Uh-huh," Alex replied, lifting his beer to his lips and taking a swig as he shot Jackson a look of pure skepticism.

"Just don't wait. Trust me," Karev said, looking at Jo the intern, who was with that OB doctor.

Jackson followed his gaze and it was like he was looking at April and Matt. And it hurt. She was happy with him. But Jackson knew if they were together, and if April let him, he could make her so happy.

Jackson closed his eyes and when he opened them Jo and the OB doctor were back.

He needed to figure this out. And fast.

April

Matt led her in his apartment and April apologized for the millionth time to Matt for Jackson and Alex, but he had said it was okay and that she wasn't responsible for how her friends behaved while drunk.

April sat on the couch as he got her a beer from his fridge and leaned on the arm as Matt sat and pulled her feet in his lap and rubbed them.

They were silent for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet and the cold beer.

April set her beer down on the coffee table and said, "Matt, I need to tell you something."

He looked at her and gave her a small smile and said, "Okay."

"I...I am not really a virgin," she whispered, looking down at her hands in shame.

She couldn't even look at him.

"I was a virgin...how stupid, everybody who has had sex was a virgin at some point...now I am mumbling. The truth is, I _am _a Christian and I _do _believe in saving yourself for marriage. But I made a choice, not a mistake, but a choice, and there are some days I regret it, but most days I don't," she rambled, knowing she probably wasn't making any real sense.

"Anyway. It happened when I went to the boards last summer. I was so nervous and excited at the same time because my future was right around the corner. And then I slept with him and it was...well, it was good because it was with someone I trusted and even loved... in a weird way. But it was bad, because I had broken that commitment I had made to God and to myself and just like that my whole world came crashing down around me. The boards, getting fired..." she said, not to mention her relationship with Jackson, but she wasn't going to mention that.

She finally looked up at Matt, whose face broke her heart. He looked so hurt and...so disappointed.

"And then, when I went back to Ohio I knew I needed to get back on the right path. Matt I believe that God put me back in Seattle for a reason and I believe that you are part of that reason. You are everything I always knew I wanted and needed in a guy," she said.

Matt still hadn't said anything and she said, "I am so sorry that I lied to you...you have no idea how bad I feel about that."

"You could have been honest with me. I wouldn't have judged you," he said quietly after a moment of silence.

"I know," April said, her throat constricting as she realized how much she had hurt him.

"Who was it?" he asked softly, not looking at her.

April closed her eyes, knowing this would be the hardest part for him to swallow. She felt tears slip down her cheeks as she whispered, "Jackson. It was Jackson."

Matt looked down at her feet in his lap and only nodded as he took that information in. She could tell by the slump of his shoulders that he was hurt.

April stood as Matt looked up at her in confusion. His eyes...they hurt for her to look into. She slipped her shoes on and then walked over to him and leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"I know that what I did was terrible. I want you to forgive me if you can. I know that will take time. I need you to know that I want to...want to make this work, Matt. Because I think you are incredible and I want to be with you. So please, take all the time you need to think all this over. I leave for the boards soon, so you take that time. Please," she said, her voice cracking as she grabbed her jacket and walked out of the apartment.

April cried as she walked out of his building and realized she had left her car at the hospital and drove with Matt.

She closed her eyes and looked back up to the apartment and then grabbed her phone and dialed a cab. She sat on Matt's steps and waited and it wasn't long until one pulled up.

She wiped her eyes and climbed in the cab and told him her address.

Jackson

Jackson rolled over, groaning as his hangover pounded through his body. He smelled like shit and felt like shit. And his behavior came rushing back. He remembered April's angry and hurt face and he closed his eyes and rubbed them, trying to erase the image, but it wouldn't go away.

He stood and felt woozy. Alex must have brought him back and deposited him into his bed because he was still in his button down shirt and dress slacks.

A knock sounded at his door and he looked around in confusion. He had no roommates.

"Avery, you up? Hey man, I got some coffee in your kitchen when you are ready," Karev said through the door.

Avery groaned and walked slowly towards the door and opened it to see Karev looking at him in concern.

"You need to shower," Karev said. "And get some coffee in your system. You'll feel better."

"Doubtful," Jackson murmured, but headed to his bathroom and turned on the shower.

He looked in the mirror and grimaced. Large dark circles were under his eyes and his skin was slightly pale.

Jackson jumped in the shower and let the water pound down his back, soothing the sore and aching muscles.

He finished the shower as he thought of his next moves, which included apologizing to April and Matt for his behavior. When he went into Joe's he had been watching them and drinking as they had what appeared to be a serious conversation, followed by that kiss...

When he saw April kiss Matt like that, Jackson couldn't even stop himself, he had just barged over, needing to stop it. Her lips... her soft, pink lips belonged to him. As he barged over there he could have killed Matt, but instead he had gone over acting like a total douche.

Jackson climbed out of the shower and then brushed his teeth before wrapping a towel around his waist and walking out into his bedroom and slipping on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt.

He walked out to the kitchen and was surprised to smell..bacon and coffee.

He looked around in surprise and then looked to Alex who had made scrambled eggs, bacon and toast all served up on a plate waiting for him.

"Uh, hey, wow I didn't know you knew your way around a kitchen," Jackson said in surprise, sitting down and looking at the greasy food.

"Eat that, trust me you will feel a lot better," Alex said, setting his own plate down and eating some of his eggs, looking Jackson over as if he was worried he was going to puke.

Jackson nibble on a piece of toast and sipped at his coffee.

"Look, umm," Jackson began, wondering how he wanted to word this.

"Don't worry, I am not gonna say you cried in your beer for Kepner, but dude you gotta get it under control. Or tell her you want to be with her. And apologize before you do that," he said, grimacing in sympathy.

"Yeah, that's my plan already," he said, finishing his first cup of coffee. Alex grabbed it and refilled it before saying, "Eat some food, seriously it will help."

Jackson began eating the food and once he did, it went down faster and faster as his hunger took over. Alex set a glass of water, his second mug of coffee and some Tylenol down in front of Jackson and said, "I am gonna head out. I will see you later, man."

Jackson nodded and said, "Later."

"Hey Karev," Jackson called out, "Thanks, man."

Karev nodded and then left and Jackson got up and got dressed for the day. He needed to see April.

April

April had a plan. Dodge Jackson and his mother until at least the boards were done. April reminded herself that the boards were her one priority, so everything else had to wait.

Thankfully, Catherine Avery seemed to be avoiding April after her embarrassing spill on her sex life, but now her son seemed to be determined to catch her. Every time she spotted his figure walking down the corridor, which was always headed towards trauma for some reason, she had ducked behind anything and even jumped into a supply closet.

She had just seen him leave trauma and she prayed he was either stuck on plastics for the rest of the day or in Administration. She really didn't want to have to deal with him.

She grabbed her electronic charting pad and looked for her next patient when someone grabbed her elbow and spun her around. Jackson.

"What the-"she said but he cut her off.

"We need to talk," he said, his voice and his face making it clear it wasn't an option.

"Jackson, I am really busy and-"

He was already pulling her toward an on call room and April begged for a code blue. It was the only thing that would save her right now.

Jackson closed the door behind him and asked, "Are you avoiding me, Kepner?"

April opened and closed her mouth and then looked down at her shoes, feeling guilty. Then it occurred to her. Last night _Jackson _had been in the wrong. She was always a friend to him, always there to support him when he needed it. Last night...she didn't know what that was about with him, but it was rude and uncalled for. She had nothing to feel guilty about. When Jackson told her about him and Stephanie she treated Stephanie with the respect she deserved and actually remained professional.

"Yes, I am avoiding you. I am trying to focus only on my boards and I don't want to have to deal with any of your crap right now. And by the way, what the hell was that last night?" she asked.

Jackson exhaled in frustration and then leveled her with what appeared to be an apologetic look. "I am sorry about that. I had too much to drink and it was inappropriate. I already apologized to Matt and I have been trying to track you down this morning so I could apologize to you. Why are you avoiding me?"

"Jackson, I told you, I need to be solely focused on my boards. I didn't pass last time remember?" she spat out.

Jackson winced and April immediately felt bad about saying it. She knew Jackson felt responsible for her failure at the boards, even though she had told him she didn't blame anyone but herself.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that," she said, trying to pour her sincerity into the apology. "I-I just really need to focus right now and you are...a distraction. I need some space."

Jackson looked at her and she could see he had questions and maybe even some concerns regarding this need for space.

"I- April, if this is what you need...then I am going to respect that," he said. He walked to the door and before he left he turned and said, "Good luck on your boards."

With that he left, closing the door behind him and leaving April alone in the dark on call room.

**Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I am on a roll, sailing on your reviews and messages. You guys make me feel so good about myself, so thank you. You all can attribute the rapid updates with your amazing feedback. So keep it up. I probably won't post until after Thursday's show, but I want to thank you all for reading.**

**Enjoy!**

I Want This

Chapter 7

April

April had checked and rechecked her suitcase before she locked her apartment and walked towards the elevator. She made sure she had her wallet, her plane ticket, and all her id's. She had her cell phone, all the materials she would need for registration at the boards. Callie had even come over to do a review session with her.

April felt prepared. She felt like she had handled everything she could hand. Matt, Jackson...she was going to Boston with nothing to worry about except the boards.

Matt had called her and wished her luck, even though they hadn't worked everything out. She thanked him and said she hoped she saw him when she got back. April nodded as the elevator dinged open and she jumped when she saw Matt there, smiling at her.

"Need a ride to the airport?" he asked, reaching forward and grabbing her suitcase from her hand and extending his other hand to her now free hand. April beamed, her eyes watering and saying, "Really?"

He nodded and said, "Yeah." April walked forward and folded her hand in his.

Jackson

Jackson paced his office on the day of the boards, wondering how April was doing. She would be in the rooms right now answering those nightmare questions that tested one's endurance. She could do it. April was one of the smartest people he knew.

There was a knock on his door, followed by it opening with Meredith walking in.

"Any news on April?" she asked, giving him a knowing look.

"God, does everybody know?" Jackson said, frustrated.

Meredith gave him a small smile and he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No I haven't heard anything," he said, sitting on the edge of his desk.

Meredith nodded and said, "Hey I think we need to talk about Bailey's human genome mapping proposal."

Jackson nodded and said, "I already did. If we can reallocate some funds, I am all for it if the rest of the board supports it."

Meredith nodded and began walking out, but she turned and said, "You look at her like Mark used to look at Lexie whenever she was around. His face always used to light up."

Jackson only looked at Meredith at the mention of Mark and Lexie. They were seldom brought up because the pain was still raw and new, but she nodded and said, "He regretted waiting in the end. You should learn one last thing from Mark. We all could."

Jackson held her gaze and then nodded.

_If you love someone, you tell 'em. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing, even if you're scared it will cause problems, even if you're scared it will burn your life to the ground you say it, you say it loud. Then you go from there._

Mark's words echoed through Avery's head and he closed his eyes as he thought of his mentor. His friend. His words that day...it was almost as if he had known then what Jackson was going to go through now.

Jackson closed his eyes and April's face swam in his vision. Her smiling up at him as they lay in bed together. Jackson smiled and although he was terrified, he knew that he needed to say it. Mark was right.

When she got back, he was going to say it to her, loud.

April

April smiled to herself as the captain announced that they were beginning to land in Seattle. She looked out the window and watched as the runway got closer and closer, but it couldn't happen soon enough.

She hadn't gotten her results yet, but she felt like she had done an amazing job on her boards. She had turned her cell phone off and got in the zone as Callie had advised. Not only did she feel like she was prepared, but Callie had suggested she actually go to the mixers and dinners that were held for the doctors so she could get her name out there. April had been pleasantly surprised when some reputable hospitals came up and spoke with her about fellowship positions they thought April was well suited for.

She had options. She was no longer the intern or the resident that was lucky to have a job. She had her future back. Now all she had to do was make sure she had someone to share that future with.

The plane landed and April relaxed her grips on the armrests of her seat before the plane began to slow down. She exhaled in relief and was happy when the plane unloaded quickly.

She made her way through the airport and spotted Matt waiting for her at baggage claim and smiled at him and waved. Matt surprised April by hugging her before asking, "So? How did it go?"

"Amazing. Well it was stressful and terrifying, but I felt like I did a good job. There were even some doctors who approached me about their programs," she said as she broke the hug.

Matt grabbed her bags and threaded his fingers through hers as they walked out of the airport together.

As they drove Matt said, "So I have been thinking and I forgive you. I can understand why you told me what you did."

April's heart filled with hope and she squeezed his hand and he added, "But," and just like that it deflated, "I need to know...do you still have feelings for Jackson?"

April looked to him, wondering how she was going to put this and then said, "Jackson and I...our relationship is so...complicated. I have feelings for him because we have been so close for so long. After...everything with Jackson happened, he broke it off and began seeing someone else, wanting go back to being friends. I told Jackson that I couldn't be friends with him. At least not while I was still was getting over him."

April paused as she thought about Matt's question, "I have moved on from Jackson, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings for him, because I always will. We...it's hard for me to explain. But what I need you to know is that I _choose _to be with you. I _want _to be with you. I really want to see where this goes."

April paused and chewed on her lower lip as Matt continued to drive them towards Seattle downtown. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye and April could only hope that he believed her.

Matt was silent, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand as he continued to hold it and April knew that now was the time for her not to chatter. He needed to think and she would let him.

He nodded and then said, "I think you should move in then."

April smiled and then squealed in excitement as she squeezed his hand and then leaned across the console and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered and then pecked his cheek once more before sitting back in her seat.

They spent the rest of the weekend packing her apartment and moving her stuff slowly over to Matt's, carload by carload until the only thing left was her bed, which they had decided to use instead of Matt's full one since it was a queen.

April had called Callie to tell her how she thought she did and told her the results would be in by Monday morning, so she would tell her the results at work. Otherwise she put her phone on silent and enjoyed her time with her boyfriend, who she had just moved in with. It was so weird to even think that.

Jackson

Jackson had been calling April like a maniac to see how her boards how gone, but she didn't answer. He would have been worried, but Callie told him April had called Callie to tell her she thought she had a good shot at passing.

Now he was at Joe's, wondering what it was going to take for him to get her back. Jackson had never had this problem. If he wanted someone, it usually just happened. He knew it was either because of his name or his good looks, but April had always seen past all that when it came to him. It was what made them such good friends before they had even slept together.

But he knew that for the first time, he was going to have to work for it.

He knew he had hurt April. Hell, for the longest time, he had treated her like the rest of the doctors at the hospital treated her, which was terrible. April deserved to be treated so much better. She was caring. She was beautiful. She was smart. And funny. She had a gorgeous smile that was infectious. She was innocent and sweet. She was a good person.

Jackson signaled the bartender for another beer and Christina walked up to him and sat on the barstool next to him and asked, "Heard from Kepner?"

He shook his head and took a swig of beer and she said, "You know, she is one of the most annoying people I have ever met."

Jackson rolled his eyes and began to climb off his stool, but Cristina grabbed his arm to stop him and said, "I wasn't finished. You need to listen."

"It took me awhile to feel her out. April gets under your skin and doesn't go away, even if you treat her like crap and make fun of her. She is persistent and determined. She _makes _you love her. She deserves to be happy," Cristina said, looking at down at her scotch and then up at him.

Cristina held Jackson's gaze only for a minute and then Jackson realized that Cristina Yang was warning him. She was telling him not to hurt April Kepner. Jackson was shocked, that Cristina of all people was protecting April. Without another word, Cristina stood and walked away after throwing a twenty down on the counter.

Jackson set down his unfinished beer and decided he needed to do this. He needed to get this done.

He walked out and jumped in his car and drove over to April's apartment, which was dark. She was probably asleep, but this couldn't wait.

He knocked on the door and waited, sticking his hands in his pockets. He knocked again and then listened to see if he could hear movement inside. Nothing. He looked in the window and froze as he saw that it was empty except for some boxes and a mattress.

He stared at the empty apartment and fear paralyzed him. Did she move back to Ohio? As stupid as it sounded that was the first thought that came to his head. He called Callie, who was pissed because he had woken up Sofia, but he didn't care.

"April, was she okay? What did she sound like?" he asked.

"She sounded happy relieved. What the hell?" Callie asked.

"Her apartment is empty? Do you think she failed and went back to Ohio?" he demanded.

"Jackson," Callie said as she yawned, "She doesn't get the results until tomorrow morning. She probably moved in with Matt. You haven't been close recently, right?" Callie said gently.

Jackson remained silent as he pinched the bridge of his nose to calm himself, "Yeah, no, we um, haven't been close recently."

"Sorry Jackson," Callie said, her voice full of sympathy.

He nodded and didn't even tell Callie goodbye before he hung up.

She was living with him.

Jackson looked in the window one more time and then walked down the steps towards his car. Feeling defeated, he drove to his apartment and once inside, peeled his clothes off and lay in his bed. Had she really moved on?

April was many things, but she wasn't rash. She didn't make decisions quickly. Hell, she had waited 28 years to have sex for the first time. She must care for him. For Matt. She must trust him. A lot for her to be okay with moving in with him.

He had fallen asleep going over every conversation, every moment they had shared and wondered if it was possible he had felt deeper for April than the other way around.

The next thing he knew was that his alarm clock was going off.

He groaned and got up, knowing today was going to be hell. He showered and quickly got dressed, hoping to see April on her morning rounds with the interns.

Jackson walked in the hospital and Shelly immediately met him with paperwork that needed to be signed, and he told her he would sign them when he got to his office. She reminded him of all his appointments, conference calls, and meetings, but he barely heard her as he made his way through hospital towards the trauma unit.

When he got there, he didn't see her and he stopped at the desk and asked, "Has anyone seen Dr. Kepner?"

"She has already been through her morning rounds," one of them said and a unit clerk said, "I think she said she was running to the cafeteria to grab some breakfast."

Jackson nodded and then practically jogged to the cafeteria. It was so early it was practically abandoned and he was able to quickly spot her as she paged through a medical journal.

"So?" he asked, not able to contain himself, sitting down next to her and waiting for her answer.

She looked up and said, "I passed!"

"You-Congratulations!" he exclaimed. "I knew you would."

"Thank you," she said, a small smile on her lips. Jackson could tell she was ecstatic and extremely proud of herself, but she didn't want to show it.

They were silent, only looking at each other and he asked, "So, uh, I called you this weekend. And then I went over to your place, to see how you did. You moved?"

She looked down into her bowl of cereal and then back up at him and said, "Yeah, uh, Matt asked me to move in with him, so...I did."

Jackson only remained silent, a million thoughts racing around in his head. All he could hear in his head were Mark's words, _You say it, you say it loud._

April stood and said, "I uh gotta go find Callie. She will be so mad I told you first."

Jackson nodded and then just as she walked past him, he stopped her and said, "April."

She looked up at him, confused and semi-alarmed at his abrupt behavior. "Yeah?"

"I love you," he choked out.

**Let me know what you think! And have a great week everyone!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi, okay I lied! I can't wait until Thursday either! I saw some previews so I kinda went off of that, but I knew where I wanted to take this story so I went ahead and wrote. I hope you all enjoy it. And I can't wait until Thursday!**

I Want This

Chapter 8

April

April gaped at him in shock. Here? Now? Why would he do this...say this?

"What is this?" she grit out, quietly, trying not to draw attention to them and embarrass them both. "Is it the chase for you, Jackson? You see that I am moving on and you what...need to see if you can still get me?"

"No-" Jackson began.

"I think it is. For once you don't have annoying, pathetic April Kepner fawning over you, wanting you. I am not that girl anymore Jackson. I want someone who _cares _about me, who _wants _me because they think I am incredible. Matt does. He thinks I am...beautiful," she said, her voice shaking on the foreign word that had never been associated with her, ever. Her eyes filled with angry tears as she spoke to Jackson about how she felt.

"He thinks I am smart and strong. _Nobody _has ever made me feel like that. Nobody has ever made me feel be-beautiful," she said, tears spilling down her cheeks at the admission. She looked up at him and added, "Not even you and you're my _best _friend. When we were together...everybody looked at me and thought I was lucky to have you, including you."

Jackson flinched at her words, but she wasn't done and he was going to listen.

"I know, Jackson, that I was lucky to have you, but it hurt to know that nobody thought you were lucky to have me. You _never _thought you were lucky to have me. Matt _knows _he is lucky to have me, just like I know I am lucky to have him. He makes me feel so...special. So I am trying to make it work with Matt, Jackson, so please, just ...leave me alone."

Her speech ended just as her pager went off and she checked it and wiped her tears from her face. Trauma. Thank God. She looked at him, her heart literally breaking. He looked like hell. Like her words cut into him. April never thought that that the words "I love you" could hurt so much, especially coming from Jackson Avery, but they did. A lot.

She couldn't say goodbye to him. Even though that was the whole point of moving on. She spun on her heel and dashed out of the cafeteria, dodging employees ambling in for their breakfast. She continued to cry as she ran, but she wiped her face clean and told herself she needed to focus and forget...forget Jackson.

As she entered the trauma unit, a nurse immediately held a yellow gown open for April to step into as April asked, "What do we have?"

"Massive trauma involving an exploding gas tanker, multiple casualties and most of them are being brought here-" the nurse began rattling off, but April's heart leapt in her throat when a familiar face on a gurney entered the trauma unit.

"Matt?!" she called out.

Jackson

Jackson felt like he had been walloped upside the head and his heart felt like she had crushed it.

He stared at the place April had been and couldn't believe how that had gone. Her words had literally hurt him. He knew there was a lot of hurt and pain she felt on her end with this whole mess between them. But he never, ever thought he made April feel so terrible about herself.

The worst part about it was that he knew it was true. He saw how others looked at him and April, he knew he had never treated her like someone he _wanted _to be with but more like someone he had accidentally fallen into bed with. He had told her he had feelings for her but he hadn't been clear that he wanted to be her boyfriend. And then when they thought she was pregnant, he had proposed, but when she expressed relief about not being pregnant he dumped her because he was hurt.

Jackson now knew that April's relief had nothing to do with Jackson, but because she wasn't ready to deal with a baby. She hadn't passed her boards, she and Jackson weren't even in a defined relationship. There was so much going on in her life, throwing a baby into the mix would have been a lot for April. And Jackson had handled it so poorly, making it personal. It probably didn't help her insecurities either.

Jackson knew she was special. And smart. And incredible. And strong, even though she didn't think so. He knew that she was one of the most beautiful people he had met, especially because she was humble and didn't see herself that way. But he had never said it. And Matthew _did_.

Jackson closed his eyes and when he opened them he realized just how many people were staring at him.

He growled low in his throat as he grumbled for people to get back to work and then stormed out of the cafeteria as his pager began to go off for the same trauma April had fled for. He ran to the trauma unit, wasting no time in getting gowned up and making his way to where the nurse told him he was needed...which was Matt's bedside. Half his body was covered in massive chemical burns and scrapes and a tearful April was clutching his hand as Matt reassured her that he was okay.

April spotted Jackson and then looked back to Matt and Jackson began calling out orders for what he would need to treat the wound. He needed to focus on the patient. Who the patient was right now was irrelevant.

His hands immediately began to work and he listened to Matt's heroic story and even Jackson had to admit that Matt was a good guy. He saved a kid for God's sake. April asked if he was in pain and Matt shrugged and said, "Not much. I know I am in good hands."

"Dr. Kepner," Owen said, bringing in another gurney, "We need you in here and Jackson has this under control."

April looked between Matt and Owen, her eyes briefly flicking to Jackson. "I got this. He will be fine," Jackson said in a reassuring voice.

April nodded and gave a small kiss to Matt's cheek before she rushed off after Owen.

Jackson quietly continued his work as Matt closed his eyes and tried to focus on anything but the pain. "You still love her, don't' you?" he asked quietly, his kind eyes focused on Jackson.

Jackson stopped his work, and then resumed it as he nodded. "I do."

Matt remained silent and the said, "She, uh, is an amazing woman."

"She is. The most amazing," Jackson added.

Matt nodded, an odd look in his eyes as he observed Jackson.

"Anyone would be lucky to have her," Matt said quietly, and it was eerie because it was almost as if Matt knew what April had said to him that morning. Had she talked about their relationship with Matt?

Jackson only nodded, his eyes studying his patient's face for a moment before he got back to work. Suddenly there was a loud boom, shaking the ground. Jackson held his hands on Matt's bed to steady it and Jackson asked, "What was that?"

"A tank must have exploded. It was a gas tanker accident," Matt said. Jackson looked frantically for April to see if she was okay and when he spotted the flash of red running towards the trauma doors, he sighed in relief. He looked over and saw that Matt was tracking the same red head as he was and then Jackson settled back in and got to work.

"Umm, I think this is okay for right now. You don't need surgery, which is good. I want to send you up for some scans to make sure there aren't any internal injuries or damage to be on the same side. If those come out clear, the only thing you need to worry about is are your burns and cuts. It will take some time to heal. I will prescribe medicine and ointment for the burns and cuts. Make sure to clean them carefully. If you have questions, feel free to have me paged," Jackson said as he began to dress the wounds Matt had sustained.

"Or I can ask April," Matt said, but then he seemed embarrassed and even ashamed to meet Jackson's gaze. "Sorry man, I didn't mean to-" he began to apologize.

Jackson shook his head and said, "No, that, uh is definitely a good...option for you. See you, Matt. Feel better."

Jackson walked out and pinched the bridge of his nose. There was too much going on around him for him to be stalling, but...but he hurt. And no doctor in this ER could help him. Well, maybe one.

April

April was so consumed with the explosion and the patients that were streaming into the trauma unit to even think about Matt or Jackson. She was impressed with their new trauma setup. Patients were being efficiently seen and either discharged or admitted to other parts of the hospital in record time. She smiled at Hunt, knowing that the trauma unit was once again a healthy appendage of the hospital, whereas before it apparently hemorrhaged resources.

As the last patients were seen and discharged, April looked at the clock and was shocked that it was well after nine. She was exhausted. She had arrived early and she hadn't even told Callie about her boards. The only person she had gotten to share the news with was Jackson.

Just the thought of Jackson caused April's heart to hurt. She couldn't believe what she had said to him this morning. Or what he had said. It was so...confusing. She just wanted something she could understand.

April went to the desk and asked the nurse to see what had happened to Matt and she said Jackson had discharged him after some precautionary scans, diagnosis, and treatment. She would call him on her way home.

April sent Callie a text that said she had passed her boards as she trudged out of the trauma unit. Callie immediately responded her congratulations and they would celebrate soon.

April reeked of gas and a long day of working in a stressful trauma unit. She just wanted to get to her apartment and shower.

Then she remembered she lived with Matt and she walked to the attending's lounge a little quicker.

She walked into an empty lounge and was relieved to find it empty. She quickly changed into her clothes and grabbed her jacket and purse, walking out of the lounge. She wondered where Jackson had gone to. She at least wanted to apologize for some of the more hurtful things she had said.

She knew Jackson never intentionally hurt her and it was unfair for her to have said that. Everything else though was pretty spot on. She spotted Alex in the baby nursery and asked him, "You seen Jackson anywhere?"

"I think he said he was going over to Joe's to get a drink," Alex said as he examined a preemie baby. April nodded and as she walked out Alex said, "April."

She turned and he walked out so he wouldn't wake any of the slumbering babies and said, "He...has been struggling for weeks. So whatever you tell him, be easy on him."

April remained silent and then nodded and walked away, heading across the street to Joe's.

She walked in the door and immediately spotted him, hunched over the bar nursing a glass of dark liquor. She inhaled deeply before she walked over and sat next to him and said, "I've been looking for you."

"April," he murmured without looking at her.

She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and rested her cheek against his shoulder and said, "I am sorry for...saying you hurt me."

"Don't be. It's true, isn't it?" he said quietly.

"No. Well, yes, but I know it wasn't intentional, which is what matters to me," she replied.

Jackson and her remained quiet as Joe set down a matching glass of booze in front of April and she smiled in appreciation as she reached for the glass and took a small drink. She shivered as it hit her system and Jackson finally gave her a small smile.

"The strong stuff, huh?" she asked, a slight cough escaping her lips.

"It was that kind of day," he murmured as he looked at her. His eyes held a true sadness that made something in April's chest hurt and all she wanted to do was make it go away.

"Has too much happened for us to move past all this?" he asked, looking down into his drink.

April looked at him and said, "I don't know."

Jackson nodded and finished his glass off and then held it up for another. Joe nodded and brought over the bottle and refilled his glass.

April finished off her glass and then she stood and said, "Jackson, I think a part of me will always want you. Love you. I just...don't know what that means. I never have. And I don't think I have ever known what it's meant for you either. So...I don't know. I just know I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to hurt anymore."

Jackson remained silent as she slid her jacket on and put some money on the bar. She kissed Jackson's cheek and then walked out of the bar and into the rainy Seattle night.

Jackson

Jackson swirled the brown liquid in his glass and as April's words swirled in his head he set his glass down and bolted for the door. He spotted her walking down the sidewalk and called out to her.

She spun around and he caught up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders, smashing his lips over hers, pouring all his feelings into this kiss. She was shocked at first but then he heard her whimper in pleasure as he deepened the kiss.

Just as quickly as he had begun the kiss he broke it off and said, "I want you to know what it means to me. I love you and that means I want you. To be with you. Only you, April. I know you like everything clearly laid out. If it was a list, I am sure you would understand, but I want to be clear with you. I love you April Kepner. And I will wait. For however long it takes for you to understand what your love for me means to you. Just...know that."

He kissed her forehead and then released her shoulders before walking back in the bar, a small smile on his face.

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi everyone! I hope you all enjoyed this week's GA. I think it showed good signs that the April and Jackson are still figuring shit out. Let's hope they wise up and realize how amazing they would be together. **

**As for this chapter: please enjoy and let me know what you think. I want to thank everyone who reviewed or PMed me. Each one brightens my day just a little bit more.**

I Want This

Chapter 9

April

April tossed again as she grunted in frustration. She couldn't get comfortable. Matt groaned and April realized she was jostling him and he was extremely sore and scraped up. She glanced at the clock and sat up when she realized she had to be up in a couple of hours.

April grabbed her pillow and walked out to the living room. She plopped on the couch and took the throw from the back of the couch and wrapped herself in it and clicked on the TV and began surfing. Her eyes were heavy, needing sleep, but her mind was going a million miles a minute.

She had been shocked after Jackson had left her in the rain. A distant ambulance siren snapped her out of it and she had raced home to find Matt already asleep in bed. She climbed in next to him and tried to find sleep, but it wasn't easy.

She thought about everything...the boards she had just passed, the fight her and Jackson had in the cafeteria, the massive trauma that ran her ragged throughout the day, then Jackson...and that kiss...and his amazing words.

It was all too much. She was going to be wrecked going into work the next day.

April was changing the channel and then she felt Matt's lips on her forehead. She looked up and then out the window. She jerked up, panicked, and asked, "What time is it?"

"It's only seven. What are you doing out here?" he asked, hobbling into the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee as April stood and folded the blanket and put her pillow back in their room. "Couldn't sleep," she answered.

She went to her closet and set some clothes out and grabbed her robe. She went to the bathroom and looked at her reflection. She looked like crap. She was tempted to call in, but she felt bad and then turned on Matt's shower and stepped in. She quickly showered and then got dressed. Matt had a to go mug of coffee ready for her and a yogurt and a banana. She smiled and walked up to him. "You're perfect," she whispered, wrapping her arms around him.

He pulled away and she noticed he had a strange look on his face. She kissed his lips, wondering what his expression was all about. She didn't have time since she overslept to ask him about it though. April grabbed her coat and her keys then walked out of the apartment and sped like hell to work.

Jackson

Jackson woke up, feeling better than he had in days. He had told her and she knew what he wanted. He was still anxious and probably would remain anxious until April made a decision. But he had been honest and told her he would wait. The ball was now in April's court.

He got up and got dressed. When he got to work he immediately swung by the trauma unit to see if April had arrived. He didn't want to bother her, he just wanted to see her.

Apparently she hadn't arrived yet, which was odd. She usually beat everyone here.

Dr. Hunt spotted him and approached him. "Avery, we need to speak."

Jackson nodded and said, "Uh sure, I guess I am early so I can squeeze some time in."

Hunt nodded and motioned him to follow him to his office. Jackson sat and waited for Hunt to explain what he needed, but then he saw it.

On Hunt's dry erase board was the name "Kepner", underlined. Beneath was a list of hospitals. Some were obscure, but others were extremely prestigious with amazing trauma programs and facilities. Jackson even spotted Mass Gen and he looked to Hunt who nodded and said, "Now you can see why I needed to speak to you."

"What is all this?" Jackson asked.

"Hospitals that have contacted me with interest in hiring Dr. Kepner for their trauma fellowships. Some of them are playing hardball," Hunt said.

"Who?" Jackson asked, looking at the list.

"UCLA, Mass Gen, and Charleston are the top runners," Hunt said as he pointed to the three names.

"What does April know?" Jackson asked, looking at the list and all the hospitals scattered across the country.

"I assume she has been contacted," Hunt said.

Jackson nodded. It wasn't long ago that Tulane and all the other hospitals interested in Jackson began trying to woo him to their program.

Jackson looked to Owen and he asked, "I..don't know why I am here."

"I need to know if you would like me to offer Dr. Kepner a fellowship," Hunt said.

Jackson wanted to say, yes, to match any offer, but he knew this was something that wasn't just his decision.

"What do you think?" Jackson asked.

"She is an amazing trauma surgeon. She will succeed wherever she goes," Owen said, his eyes sympathetic "I know she is your friend-"

"She is your intern, so...the decision is in your hands. You are also chief of surgery so it is your job to outfit the surgical staff as you see fit. I will leave this decision to you," Jackson said, cutting him off as he stood up.

He left Hunt's office and walked to his own. To be honest, Jackson hadn't even thought about what would happen after April passed her boards. Of course she was going to be recruited. Would she want to leave? Or stay?

His head spun as he thought about how confusing this all was.

His pager went off. He had a surgery to get to and then he needed to rush to a meeting with the other board members. Jackson walked in and noticed Stephanie was on his service and he mumbled "Of course," as he spotted her with films and charts for him to look over.

'Dr. Edwards," he said, glancing at her and giving her a small, awkward smile.

She only handed him the charts and said, "Dr. Avery, your charts and films."

He nodded and looked over them and then walked into his patient's room and said his good morning. He began going over the procedure and asked the patient if they had any questions. Occasionally he would ask Dr. Edwards a question, but she would easily deflect each question.

As they left the room, he said, "Stephanie...look, this is a teaching hospital. I don't want there to be any awkwardness about what has happened between us and I don't want to jeopardize your medical education because of how things worked out between us. I know it will take time to get past all this. For me too, but can you at least try?"

She pursed her lips and he could tell she was mad, but he was right. When they had begun this, they had both said it wasn't good if it went anywhere. Just sex. But somehow he knew that there was more feelings involved on her side than his.

She only nodded and he said, "If it helps, I can ask to have you put off plastics rotation until you are more comfortable. But only if you want. Just think about it," he said.

Stephanie's face was unreadable and then Jackson said, "See you in surgery."

Jackson walked to the attendings' lounge to grab a water and realized he wasn't alone. April sat with her back to him and his heart swelled at the sight. It took every ounce of strength to resist the urge from walking up behind her and touching her soft hair, or kissing that spot on her neck he knew drove her wild...

Jackson had to break himself out of that train of thought and he must have made a noise because April spun around and exhaled as she realized it was him.

"Hey," he said awkwardly, nervously playing with the water bottle in his hand. He looked her over and she looked...awful. She was exhausted and he could feel the stress and anxiety coming off of her in waves.

"You okay?" he asked, wanting to be there for her but give her the space she needed at the same time.

"I, uh...don't know. I am saying that a lot these days," she said, letting out a small laugh without any humor in it.

Jackson walked over to where she sat and sat next to her. "It's going to be okay."

She nodded, without looking at him and he could tell she was just trying to get through the day.

"I saw the list of hospitals wanting you. Congratulations. Very impressive," he said as he stood. She looked up at him with a smile and said, "It's so...weird. Nobody has ever really wanted me like this before."

_Except me_, Jackson thought and he smiled and replied, "You are an amazing doctor. Of course they want you."

She smiled and said, "Thanks Jackson."

"You sure you are okay?" he asked gently. She nodded as her eyes welled with tears and she quickly wiped them away.

"Hey, hey, hey, what happened?" Jackson asked wrapping his arms around her shoulders, now truly concerned as she began sobbing, burrowing her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

She shook her head and said, "No, it was nothing. Just a patient. I got too...it just hit me so hard. Her and her husband had been together in college and then...well it just seemed like they were supposed to be together, it seemed like fate or God kept pushing them to find each other and then...he took her away from him."

Jackson remained silent as she continued to speak through racked sobs, "Why...would...he...do..that?"

Jackson knew that when April talked about God or Jesus, his best option was to just listen as she got everything out.

"And do you know what I hate?" she said, sitting up, angrily wiping the tears from her face. "I hate the saying 'God has a plan'. I used to _believe _that, but now I feel like an idiot."

Jackson shook his head and whispered, "You are not an idiot."

Karev appeared in the doorway and said, "Hey, Elyse's husband is waiting for an update."

"She's dead," April said abruptly, her voice choking on the word.

Alex looked to Jackson who only gave him a warning glance not to say anything insensitive and the focused back on April in concern.

"I will tell him," Jackson offered, trying to make her feel better.

She shook her head and then Alex said, "I can get that OB doctor to do it. It might be better coming from him anyway since he knew both of them."

April looked to Jackson, who nodded in support and Jackson looked to Karev and said, "Yeah, go, that would be good."

Karev spared April a final concerned glance and then left to find the OB doctor. April was wiping her face and breathing heavily in an attempt to calm herself down. Her eyes were closed and Jackson rubbed her back soothingly. Once she calmed down she pulled away and the look in her eyes was...mesmerizing. And heartbreaking. She looked so sad. So tired. He just wanted to take care of her. She began to lean forward and then Jackson's pager went off and they both jumped at the sound and April immediately began pulling away.

Jackson sighed in frustration as he looked at the pager and then at the clock above the door. He was late for surgery now. He looked to April who was chewing on her bottom lip and avoiding his gaze when he said, "I have to get to surgery."

She nodded and gave him a small smile and he took a mental picture. Even when there were dark circles under her eyes, tear tracks down her cheeks, her skin was even paler than normal, and her warm, friendly brown eyes were clouded with turmoil, he still thought she looked beautiful.

He then left her, walking down the hallway towards surgery.

April

The next day, April sat alone at the trauma nurses station, wanting a massive trauma like yesterday to take her mind off of everything. She yawned and Hunt walked by and said, "Not enough sleep?"

She shook her head and said, "A lot on my mind."

He nodded and she said, "I am going to run down to the coffee cart and get something that will wake me up. Want something?" she asked.

He shook his head and thanked her and she took off. She texted Matt as she walked, wondering how he was feeling today. He was going to have to take some time off to heal and he hated being cooped up in the apartment.

He said he was really bored and she smiled as she waited for her coffee to brew.

"Kepner!" someone called and she turned to see Callie smiling her big smile as she walked over with Arizona, Meredith, and Cristina behind her.

"We are going out tonight to celebrate you passing the boards!" Callie said excitedly.

April was surprised but smiled and nodded, saying, "Uh, yeah. That will be fun."

"And we will help you decide where you want to go," Cristina said, "I saw that list in Owen's office. So impressive...and turns out, a major turn on," she said suggestively lifting her eyebrows at Kepner who blushed.

"She isn't going anywhere. I gave her my method and now she belongs to me," Callie said a small smile on her face.

April smiled and said, "That's if the board here decides to even offer me anything."

"April, we _are _the board. And of course we are going to make you an offer," Meredith said, amused. April only smiled and began walking with the three other surgeons down hall. They discussed all their options for going out to celebrate, including a strip club, but April was adamant it be simple, at Joe's.

Eventually Cristina and Meredith broke off from Callie and April. Callie was asking questions about the boards exam and April started to respond when she spotted Jackson coming towards them. She felt her stomach clench and she said, "Callie, I gotta get back down to trauma."

She rushed off and Jackson called after her, but she pretended she didn't hear and moved on. The truth was she was embarrassed that she had lost it in front of Jackson, especially since he had laid all his feelings out on the table and she hadn't even had time to process what he had told her and then figure out what she wanted.

As she power walked to trauma she thought about how a week ago she had felt positive about so many things. The boards, Matt...now she wasn't sure about anything and while she could blame all the professional options opening up to her, the biggest thing making her so confused was Jackson.

She knew Jackson. She knew it took so much for him to say what he had said. April had cared so long for Jackson. The reason their friendship had worked so long was because April had accepted that Jackson Avery wasn't the kind of guy she could ever get her hands on. As she began contemplating dating, it was actually guys like Stark that she thought were in her league. Guys like Matt and Avery...she couldn't believe either of them were even looking at her. But she had gotten her hands on Avery. Even more than her hands.

She needed time. Time she didn't have.

Before she went into trauma, she dialed Matt and said, "Hey, umm Callie asked me to go out to celebrate my boards and then she said she wanted me to crash at her place. Do you mind?"

He reassured her that he didn't mind, encouraging her to have fun even though she could hear he was disappointed he couldn't go. But April knew that after the celebrations at Joe's, she was going to go to her old apartment and crash there for the night, so she could think things through. She needed space for one night, away from Matt being the perfect boyfriend.

Jackson

Jackson had just finished a surgery when the door opened to Meredith. "You done with the OR? I have a surgery and I want the room ready."

"Yeah I just finished," he answered grabbing a blue towel and drying his hands.

"Good," she answered, "You coming tonight?"

"What's tonight?" he asked.

"We are all going to celebrate Kepner passing her boards," she said, with a small smile.

Jackson just looked down at his shoes, "I, uh, don't know..."

"Matt won't be there," Meredith said softly.

Jackson looked up and gave her a smile and said, "It's at Joe's?"

Meredith nodded and he said, "Yeah, I will come by."

"Good. I gotta go make sure my intern is prepping my patient. See you tonight," she said, walking out the door.

Jackson sighed and then walked out of the OR.

April

April was walking down the hall when Meredith came up behind her and said, "April, can I talk to you?"

April spun around and said, "Sure, trauma is so slow. Right now I am trolling for patients like an intern."

"Can we..." Meredith said, trailing off as she pointed to a conference room.

April nodded and followed Meredith in the room. She shut the door and said, "April. Do you remember when you had first come back? And you were crushing on Derek?"

April flushed and said, "Yeah, but I don't-"

"No, no, I know. Do you remember I told you that it had taken me a long time. A long time to find him, but even longer to realize that I wanted him. That I wanted to be married and to be his wife...to have his kids."

April looked at her and nodded. She knew Meredith was going somewhere with all of this, but she wondered where. "April, we have grown close. I didn't think we ever would, ever could, be close but I would like to think I am a friend to you now. As your friend, I see you struggling and... I don't like it. I want to help."

"Jackson... he is your person. You have waited..._years_ to realize you could be more than friends. Do you really want to waste any more time figuring out if you want the rest of it with him? Derek and I, we wasted _so much_ time on worrying about all the other stuff when really, all that matters is what you want. I wanted Derek and all I needed was to let it happen. I wanted to be his wife, so I decided to let that happen. I wanted kids, and once I decided that I was given Zola."

April only looked down as she realized what she was saying.

"I just...I don't want you to make the mistakes I made...waste the time that I wasted," Meredith said, smiling kindly at April. "It doesn't have to hard or complicated."

April gave a small nod that she was following and Meredith said "Let me know if you need to talk. Okay?"

April nodded and said, "Thanks Meredith."

"Sure. See you tonight," she said with a smile as she touched April's shoulder on the way out of the conference room.

April sat at the large conference table and looked forward at nothing in particular.

_Wasting time... Jackson... boards... Matt.. .trauma... .fellowships... Jackson ...time... fellowships ...Matt... Jesus... fellowships... time .. .Jackson... Jackson ...Jackson...  
_

It raced through her head and April leaned down and put her head on the cool table as they occupied all her thoughts. She didn't know how long she stayed there, but when her pager went off she was grateful because it forced the thoughts away.

"31 year old male, found in an alley. Now wallets, phone or id's," the EMT listed off

"Mugging," April said knowingly as she began to examine her patient.

"Patient is unconscious and displaying signs of concussion. Multiple lacerations and puncture wounds across the body. There is a lot of swelling along all the injuries.." the EMT continued.

April zoned out and began treating what she could. She looked into the patient's face who looked like he was coming to. When he managed to get them open she was shocked. Their color was surprisingly similar to Jackson's and her heart dropped in dread.

_31 year old male... _"Jackson?" she whispered in horror, feeling sick.

The man opened his eyes and he groaned in pain. "Jackson?" she repeated, her voice getting louder as she began to become hysterical with fear.

The EMT was looking at her and then to the nurse, a look of confusion and concern.

April's eyes filled with tears and she tried to discern among the cuts and bruises anything recognizable besides those eyes...

Suddenly the door opened and Hunt walked in, looking in confusion at Kepner who was frozen and not treating the patient as the nurses fluttered around her trying to save the patient.

"Kepner," Hunt said, in confusion and concern.

Suddenly Jackson appeared behind him and April gasped out in relief and the tears spilled over on her cheeks as her body shook with relief. She shook her head as she cleared head and then focused back on they man spiraling down the drain right now.

Her hands began flying over the patient and she called out that she would need an OR. As they transferred the patient to a gurney Hunt ordered the OR to be ready for when she got there and Jackson shot her one last look and then left, knowing she needed to focus.

As April rushed alongside the gurney towards the OR, all she could think was that she was how relieved she was...and how clear her mind was.

Jackson

Jackson had heard her calling his name and he panicked and sprinted to trauma. She had been frozen and actually looked terrified as she looked at the beaten and bloodied patient.

When she snapped out of it, he got out of the way so she could get back in her zone, which she did as she rushed past him and towards the OR, with her patient.

Now he was sitting with the rest of the doctors at Joe's and as he looked around the packed bar he realized that it wasn't just doctors here to celebrate April's success. There were nurses, surgical techs, nursing assistants, unit clerks, hell there were even housekeepers and cafeteria workers. Was that a group of engineers? It was and they were all waiting on one little redhead.

When she walked in, the cheering and clapping was thunderous and April jumped in surprise and put her hand over her heart and the other over her mouth in shock as she looked around. She was shocked and touched. She made her way to the bar and people congratulated her on the way, wishing her well. She smiled and thanked everyone and Jackson noticed that her smile lit up the dark bar.

Jackson focused on his drink as she made her way through the crowd and after she had spoken with so many people she finally found a stool situated between Callie and Meredith who both hugged her.

"Who knew you knew so many people?" Cristina said as the crowds started to die down a little after talking to Kepner.

April shrugged and Cristina said, "Like that group of engineers? When did you ever find an occasion to talk to them?"

"I have friends in high and low places. It never hurts to make friends," April said as the engineers waved at her as they walked out the door. The doctors all chuckled in wonder at the odd creature that sat with them.

Callie lifted her glass and said, "To April Kepner, board certified badass and the future of trauma medicine!"

"To April," everyone said as they laughed and took a shot.

Meredith stood and said, "April, you are my friend, but Joe's isn't my favorite place when I can't drink and this baby is telling me to go to bed. Congrats."

April thanked her and Meredith and Cristina left, leaving Callie and Arizona, who were making out and Jackson and April.

Jackson slid over a stool and said, "You draw quite a crowd."

April looked around and said, "I am not sure when they all decided to stop hating me or finding me unbearably annoying, but I am not complaining."

Jackson looked at her and thought about what she said. He used to be one of those people. He had found her annoying and sometimes when he was frustrated with her he wondered why he was even friends with her. Lexie had asked him that question all the time when they had been dating. But April...she was kind. And sweet. To everybody around her. She didn't get caught up in who was who of the hospital. She just cared about people.

That's how she became friends with engineers, housekeepers, and cafeteria workers along with surgeons, department heads, and board members. She didn't discriminate. She was a good, kind person and Jackson looked back on how he had been and wished he hadn't been such an idiot.

He remained silent and she looked over and caught him staring at her and she blushed, "What?"

"Nothing...you are just a good person," he murmured before taking a drink.

"Jackson," April said, her voice off.

He looked at her and her expression was so...scared. Not like it had been before with the trauma patient earlier, but it was scared.

"Hey," he said gently, reaching for her hand. "What is it?"

She looked down and breathed in deeply. She then exhaled and looked up and said, "I love you too...and I want you too."

**Okay! I am tired of keeping these two apart so I had to make it in this chapter even though I know in the show she is still with Matt and blah blah blah! I just couldn't wait anymore. **

**So what do you all think?**


	10. Chapter 10

**I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to write me a message or review! It means a lot. I am glad you are enjoying it. Please make sure to keep it up!**

**Thanks and enjoy!**

I Want This

Chapter 10

Jackson

Jackson wasn't sure he heard her right until he watched her expression turn from hopeful and nervous anxiety due to his lack of response.

When he finally processed her words, he couldn't help the ear to ear grin on his face as he lunged forward, trying to kiss her. April backed up and he looked at her confused, his arms still wrapping around her and pulling her closer and closer.

"I can't," she said, placing her hand on his cheek to stop him.

"Why?" Jackson asked, completely confused and frustrated.

"I may be a bad Christian, a terrible surgeon, a non-virgin, and a crappy girlfriend, but one thing I will never be is a cheater. I have to talk to Matt first before we...do anything," she said, her hand running softly down his cheek to his chin.

He looked down to her lips and growled in frustration and then he smirked at her. She was so maddening. He nodded and wrapped his hand around the wrist that was so close to his mouth and pulled her palm toward his lips and kissed it chastely before squeezing it.

"Does this mean that we are going to try this? Really?" he asked gently, but forcefully, still holding onto her hand.

She nodded, biting her lip and he groaned, putting his finger to her soft, pink lips and pulling her lip from her teeth. "That drives me crazy," he murmured, his voice thick with lust.

April shuddered and closed her eyes and then stood abruptly.

"I...uh...I have to leave...now," she said, her voice shaking, fumbling with her jacket and wallet. She began to shuffle bills and he placed a hand on her wrist and said, "I got it."

She began to protest but Jackson said, "It's your celebration. You can't pay for your own drinks."

April nodded and then placed her hand over his and squeezed it. Her eyes flitted down to his lips and she pulled her bottom lip back between her teeth before she let go and began walking away when Jackson stopped her and pulled her back towards him.

April looked to him confused as he rested his forehead against her and whispered, "And April. You are one of the best Christians I know, because you are the kindest and compassionate person I know. I don't know a lot, but isn't that what Jesus was all about? You are an amazing surgeon, it's why the hospital keeps coming back to you for more. They see a potential in you. You just haven't reached that potential. But you will. You may be a bad girlfriend to Matt, but that's only because he isn't the guy you are supposed to be with. I am. And you aren't a virgin because you love me and sex is how people who are in love express it. So you shouldn't feel guilty, because I sure as hell don't. Sleeping with you was the best experience of my life. It opened my eyes and my heart to love."

April was panting now and her eyes were filled with tears as he finished his speech off, "You are an amazing woman, April Kepner. And you don't even see it. It is my personal mission to tell you every day how beautiful, how wonderful you are, and how lucky I am to be with you."

Jackson placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and turned her around and gently pushed her towards the door. He watched her go and then finished his own drink off and paid for his and April's drinks. It would be the last time he pushed April away from him.

"Hey, where did Kepner go?" Callie said, coming up for air from Arizona. Obviously they had gotten back in the saddle.

"She had to go," he said a small smile on his face as he slipped his own jacket on.

Callie looked confused and Arizona only smiled knowingly at him.

He said goodbye and left, deciding to walk home in the rain. He smiled the whole way.

April

When April got home Matt was sitting on the couch watching a game on TV and he smiled when she walked in.

"How was the party?" he asked, muting the TV.

April nodded and said, "It was good. Really good." Guilt was swirling inside of her as she looked down at her injured boyfriend. She pointed to the bedroom and said, "I am gonna change, but I'll be right back."

He nodded and she asked, "Do you need me to get you anything while I am moving around. Meds? Water? Something to eat?"

He shook his head and said, "Just you."

She smiled and then walked to the bedroom, the smile falling off her face the minute she was alone. She grabbed a pair of sweats and quickly changed into them. As she looked around the room, she thought about everything she would have to move out now that she was breaking up with him. Sure to be awkward. Lesson learned, never rush the big steps, like moving in. Thank God she hadn't already found someone for her apartment.

She walked back out and began to sit on one of the chairs, but Matt waved her over and held his arms open for her. "I don't want to hurt you," she said hesitantly, seeing the double meaning and the irony behind her words.

"It won't. I have missed you," he said, waving her arms over to him again.

April gave him a small smile and walked over and lay next to him carefully, draping her arm across his stomach gently and snuggling into the side without the scrapes and burns.

"How was your day?" she asked, wondering if she should tell him now or tomorrow.

"It was horrible," he said, giving her an adorable smile. "You weren't here to play doctor to me."

She chuckled and focused her eyes on the screen. It had been a long, emotionally draining day. She was exhausted and felt her eyes begin to slowly close. She remembered feeling bad that she had fallen asleep on Matt so quickly after he had been home all day alone, but she couldn't stay awake.

Matt eventually got uncomfortable and tired himself and shook her gently awake and said, "Baby, we need to move to the bedroom."

She nodded sleepily and apologized to him and he just shook his head and said, "No, you shouldn't be sorry. You have just been working hard."

He struggled to get off the couch without wincing in pain and April told him he needed his pain pills. He nodded as he hobbled to the bedroom and April grabbed his pills and a glass of water. She gave them to him as he climbed in bed and she looked at him and felt weird about climbing in the bed with him.

She had just told Jackson she loved him and yet she was climbing in bed with another man tonight...? Matt asked, "Are you okay?" his voice full of concern.

April needed to sleep and she couldn't tell him now. Not like this. She climbed in as she shook her head. She turned her back on him to dissuade the snuggling, but he wrapped his arm around her and spooned her from behind. She felt guilty guilty guilty. She was allowing him to think that everything was okay between them and she also felt guilty because the man she loved assumed she was taking care of ending it when really she was cuddled intimately up with Matt.

She chewed her bottom lip and Matt said, "Are you sure you are okay? I can feel tension coming off of you in waves."

"Sorry, just, uh, a really busy day. Stressed me out," she murmured. She would tell him tomorrow. She couldn't keep this lying up for long. Matt began to snore behind her and she eventually fell into a deep sleep.

Jackson

Jackson woke up feeling better than ever. April was his again. She was his and he was hers. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and looked at the face of it to see if he had any texts from April, but he didn't.

Maybe she was getting ready for work. He got up and jumped in the shower, his thoughts straying to April. He looked down and groaned. Even the thought of her got him hard.

She had no idea the effect her creamy white skin had. Her big doe eyes, taking everything in around her, trying to organize it. Her hair...it smelled so fucking amazing and it was almost like it moved on its own. He just wanted to run his fingers through it and enjoy how it slipped through his hands. And these were not the only physical attributes he could mention. Her breasts. They were the most beautiful breasts... there wasn't a plastic surgeon that could replicate them. April Kepner had the best rack he had ever seen. Ever. Even on their first day at Mercy West he had noticed them beneath her baggy scrubs and lab coat.

Jackson lightly pumped himself, hating that he was reduced to it when he had the real thing. Her smile when she looked at him. And her fucking lips. When she bit her lower one when she was nervous or even better when she was frisky...Jackson groaned as he came and he panted as he finished.

He finished in the shower, now more determined than ever to find April.

He quickly dressed and left his apartment and sped to work. When he got there he drove, looking for a place to park. He spotted one really close to the door and then made for it but cursed when he saw a sign prohibiting him parking there. He took a closer look and then gaped. "Reserved for Board Member: Dr. Jackson Avery".

Jackson parked his car and groaned. He would get shit for this.

Jackson rushed to the locker room. He had asked Shelley to schedule an early surgery so that he could begin the day with surgery so he could get through the rest of it. He looked at his watch and noticed he was a little early. He wanted to swing through trauma.

April was there and his heart sped up as he watched her calling orders over her shoulder as she intubated a patient. She was too busy now, but he did want to catch up with her.

His pager sounded and it was the floor letting him know his patient had arrived for their procedure.

He took one final glance at her as she finished stabilizing the patient, a satisfied smile gracing her lips. Her lips...

Jackson literally forced himself away from the trauma unit and strode towards the elevators. He couldn't stop smiling and when he got off the elevator he walked to the nurse's station. Shane was on his service. Stephanie had opted to switch her rotation as Jackson had offered and he couldn't be more relieved. He didn't want any drama this week.

Jackson grabbed his chart and walked to the room and greeted the woman a good morning with Shane hot on his heels. He looked down and saw that he was doing...vaginoplasty. Didn't see those everyday and Shane was excited to see the procedure done, having stayed up all night studying.

"This is Dr. Ross. Grey Sloan is a teaching hospital so Dr. Ross will be presenting. Dr. Ross?" Jackson said, zoning out as Ross rattled off patient age, medical history, and what she was here for today. Jackson thought about April and her perfect...

"Dr. Avery?" Ross said, looking confused as was Ms. Pazdernik.

Jackson told Ross he was going to be performing the preliminary exams and headed out of the patient room as the patient was prepped. He called Shelly and asked her if she could clear his lunch hour. She cleared it and Jackson asked the nurse to page April.

She called and he asked if she would have lunch. He could hear her internal struggle and he smiled as he waited for her to respond. She finally said yes and they agreed to meet in the lobby.

Jackson hung up and Ross came out and said his patient he was ready. Jackson smiled and tied his scrub cap on and walked towards surgery.

April

April rushed out of the trauma unit before one more person could come in and distract her from getting to lunch with Jackson. She quickly walked to the lounge and changed out of her scrubs and into the dress she had worn to work.

She looked at her watch and gasped. She was going to be late meeting him. She grabbed her purse and sprinted for the elevator. As she tried to catch her breath, the other passengers on the elevator shot her concerned glances. She looked at her watch and cursed the elevator going so slow.

Once the doors opened she bolted again and even Weber called out for her to slow down. As she rounded the corner to the lobby, she spotted Jackson, waiting for her.

He looked good. He had obviously come from a meeting and hadn't bothered changing in his street clothes. He was wearing his suit, but he had taken off the tie and undone the top button. He looked beautiful.

He turned and smiled and April couldn't help mirroring him. He looked at his watch and said, "You know, someone once told me that if you weren't five minutes early then you weren't on time."

"The one time you listen to me!" she said, giving him an exasperated look as she smoothed out her hair. He reached for her hand and April took it, her heart skipping a beat as he led her to his car which was right in front of the door.

"Whoa, nice spot. How early did you have to be here to get this?" she asked, impressed.

"Oh this is my spot now...check out the sign."

April looked at the sign and gaped. "Board Member: Dr. Jackson Avery." she said.

He smiled and opened her door and waited for her to slide in. She did and he ran to his side and got in. "I knew there was a reason I wanted to start dating you," she said, pointing at the sign.

"Ha ha," he said, smiling as he started the car and backed out.

They drove for five minutes before they were in one of their favorite places that they had gone to before they had been accepted into the tight knit group of doctors at Seattle Grace. Well, it was more like Jackson was accepted and she had rode in on Jackson's coattails and held on for dear life. They barely tolerated April and the reason they did was because of the man who now sat across from her.

They ordered their lunch and Jackson smiled and held his hand out for hers. She placed it in his and blushed as she did so. She looked around and noticed that people were looking at Jackson. She could _see _them wondering what he was doing with her. She had gotten the look as his friend a million times and didn't doubt it would happen throughout their entire relationship.

"April?" he asked, squeezing her hand to bring her back to their table.

"What?" she asked.

"How did it go?" he asked gently.

"What?" she said, again, now feeling like a dummy.

"With Matt?" he clarified.

"Oh, uh, well it didn't. I got home and he was already half asleep on the couch and when we went to bed-"

"Went to bed?" Jackson said, cutting her off. April noticed his grip on her hand had tightened infinitesimally and she squeezed his hand in comfort and said, "Slept. We slept."

"Okay, so you slept. Why didn't you say something this morning?" he asked, taking a sip of water.

"I just...I was so nervous. You know I have never done this before. It's so awkward!" she said, looking for him to understand.

"You had no problem breaking up with me," he snapped.

April flinched and removed her hand from his and said, "I did _not _break up with you! You broke up with _me_, remember? And I thought you wanted to move forward and not backward. Trust me, _you _don't want to be looking backward."

His eyebrows rose and he leaned forward and asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You act like you are the victim in all this Jackson and _I _am the bad guy. I am tired of it. I gave you my virginity. Yes, I left, but only because you were going to Tulane and at that time, I thought Mark would live. I had nothing Jackson. No job, no boyfriend, no apartment, and no faith. I had no other choice. You think I _wanted _to go back and sling pig shit? Of course I didn't. Nobody wanted me, not even you. Then I come back, we begin hot and heavy again, have a pregnancy scare and you propose, and then once we find out I wasn't knocked up, you dump me run and bang the first fawning intern in the fucking parking lot at a wedding! Sorry I didn't think you're feelings for me were that deep...yep, definitely all _my _fault!"

April's eyes welled with tears and she swore under her breath as she dabbed at them. She had blurted out everything Jackson had done that had hurt her. It was the first time she had brought it up and she wondered if it would ruin all the progress they had made.

Jackson looked as if April had slapped him in the face and she looked at him and leaned back in her chair, her shoulders slumping. She felt like she had ruined everything. Again.

Jackson then held his hand out again, his eyes apologetic and April reluctantly put her hand back in his. "I am sorry. I just thought that today you were mine and I have been on a cloud because of it. I am just disappointed. But I _am _sorry."

April nodded and the waitress brought their food to the table and set it down in front of them. She gave April a concerned glance and shot Jackson warning daggers. Once she moved away Jackson and April both chuckled at the awkwardness of the moment and began eating.

"There is no easy way," he said quietly as he set his gourmet sandwich down.

"What do you mean?" she asked as she sipped her water.

"To break it off with someone. It feels terrible and horrible. And you feel like not only are you hurting yourself, but the person you care about deeply," he murmured. April smiled sadly as she realized he was referencing him breaking it off with her the way he had.

"You feel so guilty and then the worst feeling is regretting it, knowing it was the wrong choice. You reacted on your hurt feelings," he said, his eyes focused on April's, and his thumb stroking circles on the back of her hand.

'You should never have done it. Maybe if you hadn't, it all would have come out differently. You wouldn't have hurt each other more than you needed to," he said, his own eyes looking moist now.

April needed to stop crying or people would think something was really wrong going on. "April, I am so sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking.

She looked down at their hands and after a moment she squeezed his hand, but it wasn't enough. She stood and leaned over the table and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "It's over," she whispered against his mouth before sitting back down.

He nodded and smiled at her and she blushed again and began eating her meal once more. "I will tell him tonight. I think I am actually going to take the rest of the afternoon off to go and get my stuff out of there. Matt has a meeting with his boss to go over his leave papers and then a follow up doctor appointment. I want the stuff out so it's not this prolonged, awkward thing."

Jackson looked at her and seemed to think of something. He grabbed his phone and dialed someone and April wondered who it was.

"Shelly, yes I need to cancel everything today for myself and for Dr. Kepner. Personal crisis has come up. Will you let the Chief know? Thank you."

April smiled and shook her head in disbelief. That parking space was getting to his head.

"You are so..." she began, but stopped when he said, "Charming? Dashing? Amazingly good in bed?" waggling his eyebrows at her suggestively. He was now texting somebody and he then clicked his phone off.

She rolled her eyes and began eating her lunch again and the rest of the lunch was good. They left and made their way to Matt's apartment. She checked to make sure he was gone before she began packing up things while Jackson hauled bigger items out to the back of his SUV. Soon April heard another car pull up and her heart dropped in panic.

She exhaled when she saw it was Alex with a very confused look on his face.

"Hey, you said it was an emergency? What the hell is this?" he asked Jackson.

"We need your help getting the rest of April's shit out of this apartment," Jackson said, pointing to the bags and boxes that still needed to be moved. Alex looked at Jackson and said, "Are you freaking kidding me?"

"Do it and I will make sure you get funding on your next proposal for peds," Jackson said.

Alex considered it and then shrugged and began hauling. In no time, April was moved out of the apartment. She looked around and tried to put things back in place like they had been before she had moved in and rearranged stuff for her things to fit.

"Ready to get out of here?" Jackson asked, sweaty and tired.

She shook her head and said, "I am going to stay and wait for him. You go."

Jackson said, "How will you get back to your apartment?"

"A cab," she said, giving him a small smile.

She handed him her keys to her apartment and Jackson said he would take her stuff there with Alex now. She smiled and thanked him and he kissed her forehead and left with her stuff. She went inside and waited for Matt. She heard him hobble down the hallway and nervous butterflies filled her stomach as he opened the door.

**Please please please let me know your thoughts people! I love them!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Happy Hump Day Everyone! I am so excited its Wednesday that I decided I would make this chapter a tidge racy to get you excited for Grey's tomorrow night. I hope we get some Japril action. So if you aren't into mature content **_**don't **_**read on! **

**Thanks to all of you who have left feedback. It means a lot and keeps me inspired to keep with this story. So enjoy and keep up the reviews!**

I Want This

Chapter 11

April

April closed the door to Matt's apartment and choked back a sob. She had never hurt anybody like that before. When she had told him they needed to talk he thought she was going to tell him that she loved him and he beat her to it. When her face fell, he knew.

He had gotten choked up and a look of deep hurt inhabited his kind eyes. It hurt April to see him like that. She walked down the hall, away from his apartment, wiping her eyes. Matt had asked her if it was Jackson, but he already knew. She only nodded and he said he understood. Even when April was hurting him, Matt was kind.

April walked out of the building and remembered she needed to get a cab. She fumbled in her purse for her phone, but a movement in front of her caught her eye and she looked up through her tears and recognized Jackson's figure as he walked slowly towards her.

She let out a choked sob and he was suddenly there, holding her and rubbing her back as she cried.

"I am such a terrible person," she whispered against his chest as the tears continued to course down her cheeks.

"You are not a terrible person," Jackson murmured, kissing the top of her head.

April pulled back and said, "He is so hurt."

"Yeah, well he lost you. Speaking from experience, that feels pretty terrible," he said, his eyes full of concern and sympathy. "Are you okay?" he asked, wrapping his arm around her and guiding her towards his car.

She sniffled and wiped her eyes and then her nose and said, "No, I am not. I will be though," she said.

Jackson nodded and kissed her hand before starting the car and driving towards April's apartment. The ride was silent and once April calmed down she looked over to Jackson and said, "Thank you for picking me up. You didn't have to."

He grabbed her hand and held it in his own as he smiled at her before focusing back on the road. "I am sorry you are hurting."

She shook her head and said, "I am not. It's just that...I just wish Matt didn't have to be so hurt. But, I think he will be okay."

Jackson nodded, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing it gently. April felt better and leaned over and pecked his cheek before resettling in her seat. He pulled up to her apartment and they climbed out of the car and walked to her apartment.

April walked to the kitchen, starving and asked Jackson if he wanted something. He shrugged and said, "We haven't eaten anything since lunch."

She nodded and then groaned and said, "I have no food. I threw it all out when I moved."

Jackson chuckled and pulled his phone out and said, "Pizza? Chinese? Sandwiches?"

"Pizza," April said, smiling gratefully at him.

He smiled and called and ordered the pizza and then stood and said, "Let's go to living room to wait."

April nodded and they walked to the living room and sat on the couch. She looked around her bare living room scattered with boxes and bags and thought about how she had to rearrange the entire apartment again. Maybe she would do things differently this time.

"You are organizing in your head aren't you?" he asked, amused as he settled on the couch next to her.

She looked at him and guiltily nodded and he chuckled and pulled her towards him into his side. "You are a neat freak, but you're my neat freak."

She blushed and he laughed and kissed her forehead and then her lips softly. April leaned into him and deepened the kiss which he gladly returned when the doorbell rang. Jackson growled and said, "I'll get it."

She smiled and said, "I will get plates."

April looked around the boxes for the kitchen box and when Jackson came back, pizza in hand, he asked. "What are you looking for?"

"The kitchen box. Did you leave it in the car?" she asked.

"No, it's in the kitchen," Jackson said with a smile.

"You put the boxes in the rooms they go in?" she asked, a small smile appearing on her face. He nodded and April walked to him and said, "Do you have _any _idea how much that gets me going?" she asked in a seductive, teasing voice as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Jackson chuckled and put the pizza down on the coffee table and wrapped his hands around her waist. He leaned down and whispered seductively in her ear "Label makers, color coding, alphabetical and/or numerical order? Wanna take this to the bedroom?"

April smiled and kissed him hard, her hands going to the back of his neck to hold him in place. She moaned as Jackson pulled her up tightly against him, and April felt how much Jackson wanted her.

Suddenly a loud sound from her stomach sounded and she pulled away blushing as Jackson said, "That came from you?" in disbelief, a smile breaking out on his face.

April pulled away and smacked him on the shoulder.

"It's eight! We ate at noon and I usually have had dinner by now!" she said defensively as she went to the kitchen to grab the plates.

Jackson only laughed and followed her. She found the box and opened it. She went to the sink and rinsed them quickly and grabbed a couple paper towels and asked him if he needed silverware. He shook his head and April nodded and followed him out.

Jackson

Jackson and April sat in her living room and ate their pizza. April asked about his new position on the board and Jackson realized as he had been holding so much in as he talked and talked. He had missed talking to her. She listened and Jackson could tell she cared as she took in everything he had to say. Her eyes were so warm and comforting.

They finished their pizza and Jackson lay down on the couch and pulled her to lie with him. Jackson smiled as he felt her go still and her breathing even out on top of him. He was so happy, just lying here with her. She had had a rough night breaking up with Matt. As she did, he had planned on staying in her apartment and begin unpacking her stuff, but he knew she would want to do it herself anyway because she was a control freak when it came to her stuff. He wanted to be there for her, knowing it was going to be hard for her so he drove over there and waited for about an hour until she walked out crying.

Her warm weight on him was relaxing and he wrapped his arms around her and soon his own eyes closed.

April

April woke up so warm and comfortable and when she cracked her eyes open she saw why. She and Jackson had fallen asleep on the couch together. He was holding her against his chest and she was amazed to feel his grip on her even in his sleep.

April didn't want to wake him but she really had to pee. She tried to get up without jostling him and almost succeeded until Jackson woke up and smiled, pulling her down to lie fully on top of him.

"Jackson!" she squealed, turning her face away from him. "I haven't even brushed my teeth!"

He laughed and loosened his grip and April got up and went to the bathroom. She finished her business and quickly brushed her teeth. She then went to the kitchen to find Jackson was already brewing a pot of coffee.

"I am going to head out so I can get showered and changed for the day," he said, walking up to her and kissing her forehead. "Lunch?" he asked pulling away.

She nodded and he said, "I will meet you in the lobby."

She smiled and then he left as April went to the coffee pot and poured herself one. She grabbed a banana and then some cottage cheese and smiled to herself as she ate it. She and Jackson were back together.

Jackson

Shelley was by his side the moment he walked in the hospital, rattling out his messages and his schedule to him. His going AWOL was apparently not the best move, but she assured him she had scheduled him today in order to make up for it. But it did mean sacrificing his morning surgery and passing one of his afternoon cases off onto another doctor.

Jackson made his way to his office and just as he was about to enter, Shelley murmured, "And your mother is in your office waiting for you."

Jackson shot Shelley an annoyed look and she gave him a guilty smile as she moved away quickly, knowing Jackson was going to be pissed.

"Mother," he said, moving towards his desk which was stacked with binders and folders that he needed to get through this morning.

"Jackson, why do you sound vexed with me? I am not the one that was MIA for the majority of the day yesterday," she said, her tone light and amused.

"Do you need something?" he asked, sorting the piles on his desk in the order he wanted to peruse them. He held back the smile. He was organizing his work and he couldn't help thinking April would be proud of him.

"So I was told that it was a personal crisis. Everything okay?" she asked, clearly fishing for information.

"Everything is great. Thanks for the concern," he said vaguely.

"Oh come on Jackson, tell me what happened? Was it something to do with April? Because Hunt told me she vanished yesterday afternoon too ..." she said, trailing off.

"I thought you wanted to stay out of it?" Jackson said, sitting down and checking his emails.

"Jackson Avery, you tell me what happened right now. Don't test me, son," she said, her voice now getting annoyed.

Jackson looked at her and smirked. "You are so nosy."

Catherine only raised her eyebrow and waited for him to give her an acceptable answer.

"April and I are together again," he said after a moment of pause, not hiding his smile from her.

"Oh baby, I am so happy. I...well, I am just so happy. Did you know I am leaving today for Boston?" she asked, "How about lunch today?"

"I can't," he said, gesturing to the piles on his desk.

She looked her son over and said, "Oh fine, I am proud that you are taking this seriously."

He nodded and stood to give her a hug goodbye. She pecked his cheek sweetly and said, "Have a safe flight back to Boston."

"Now listen to me. Treat her right. April Kepner is a sweet girl, but more importantly, she is a lady. She deserves to be treated as such, not some scratching post you take to the on call room when you need her. I will remind you, I raised a gentleman," she said seriously, cupping his cheek with her hand as she looked him over fondly.

"No need to remind me, I am well aware," Jackson said.

"Good luck getting through all this work, son," she said as she walked out. For some reason her tone sounded like she was up to no good.

April

April was finishing some charting on a guy who had come through the ER after his four wheeler rolled on top of him and crushed several of his limbs, shattering the bones. Callie would have a full morning with him.

"Dr. Kepner," someone said behind her.

April jumped slightly and spun and smiled nervously as she spotted Catherine Avery walking towards her. These Avery's were going to be the death of her.

"I was hoping I would catch you down here," she said, her smile huge.

April nodded and said, "You are in the right place. How are you Dr. Avery?"

"Oh April, call me Catherine. Hell, in a few years you might get away with calling me 'Mom'," she said with a wink and a smile.

"You know?" April asked in shock. "How!? It _just_ happened."

Catherine waved her hand and said, "I have my ways."

April shook her head in amusement and disbelief, but wasn't able to stop from flushing in embarrassment under Catherine Avery's knowing and delighted gaze.

"So I want to have lunch today. I won't take no for an answer," Catherine said, tapping the nurses station to emphasize her point.

"Actually I have...something going on at lunchtime," April responded, the lie apparent to both of them.

"Lunch with Jackson?" Catherine guessed, a small knowing smile on her face.

April's hesitation to answer was all Catherine needed to hear and said, "He is like a puppy with his new favorite toy, hiding you away so he can have fun with you alone."

April shook her head but Catherine said, "I knew he was avoiding me this morning when I asked him to lunch."

April only remained silent, not knowing if she should interfere with the two of them.

April cleared her throat and said, "I am sure he just didn't want to be rude and invite you without asking me, but I don't mind if you come and he won't either."

"No, dear. I know he just wants to spend time with you alone, and that's good. I am so happy he has you April. You make him happy. It's all I ever wanted for my baby boy," she said, grabbing April's hand.

"I know you'll take care of him," she said, squeezing her hand and April only smiled in response.

"Was he good to you? Your first time?" she asked April and April blushed furiously and began stammering, "I don't...we didn't...um, did he...?"

"Baby, he didn't say a word. You told me at lunch that day. He said there was something between you both since the boards, and then our lunch..." she said trailing off and April remembered every horrifying detail she had shared with Catherine Avery about sleeping with her son.

"Oh my God," April said, covering her face in shame as Catherine laughed.

"Oh April, you are adorable," Catherine said, laughing and clutching her side as she watched April try and find a way to make the situation less awkward. She had told Catherine, Jackson's _mother_, her and Jackson's entire sexual history without knowing it.

"So, you knew it was Jackson I was...when I...?" April trailed off.

Catherine nodded and April groaned in embarrassment. "Oh for God's sake, honey, I am glad my son...makes you so happy...and takes you to the carnival. I just want to know if he was gentle and sweet with you your first time."

"Catherine," April hissed, looking around the nurses' station to see if anyone heard her.

Catherine looked around not understanding how awkward the conversation had gotten and waited for her answer.

"He was...it was...he was perfect," April whispered not able to meet her gaze when she realized Catherine wasn't going to stop asking until April gave her something.

"Good," she said, smug and satisfied although April had no idea as to why.

"I will be flying out for Boston tonight," Catherine said, "I will be back in a couple of weeks to follow up with the board here that it's all running smoothly."

April nodded and Catherine said, "At that time, I want to invite you to fly back with me to Boston to be wooed by Mass Gen. They may or may not be your first choice, but even I can admit that it would be foolish for you to give up this chance without at least looking."

April looked at her in confusion. April had planned on staying in Seattle for more than just Jackson. She knew there were some amazing fellowships out there, but she was happy here. Settled even.

"Just think about it," she said, patting April's hand. She began to walk away but she turned and said, "I don't want you to put yourself in a corner. You are too good for that."

She walked away and April thought about what she was saying.

Jackson

Jackson couldn't wait for April in the lobby, but instead went to the attendings' lounge and waited for her there. She didn't keep him waiting long and the biggest smile broke out on her face. He mirrored it and immediately pulled her to him and kissed her hungrily.

He had missed her today. She moaned into the kiss and he pulled back and said, "I missed you today, Kepner."

"Me too," she whispered, pushing her lips back against his.

"Ready to go to lunch?" Jackson asked as he pulled away.

April shook her head and he asked, "Hunt won't let you go? Is it busy down there?"

She shook her head and said, "It's actually slow."

Jackson looked at her confused and April ran her hands down his chest rubbing her body against his and said, "It's been slow..._all_ day."

He smiled and said, "Really?"

April nodded and bit her lip and Jackson groaned and said, "Come on."

Jackson practically dragged her out of the lounge and towards the first on call room he could find. It was empty. He pushed her inside and closed the door behind him, locking it.

April stripped out of her shirt and Jackson's breath caught in his throat at the look on her face. She was flushed and her eyes were full of desire as she approached Jackson. He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply as she moaned and pushed his jacket off of his shoulders.

He began to undo her bra as he began backing April slowly towards the bed and he broke the kiss, wanting to taste every inch of her. Jackson kissed down her jaw and then her neck, finding the spot that made her shudder against him and take a deep ragged breath.

"Jackson," she whimpered, holding his head in place as he sucked on her skin.

Jackson pushed her down on the cot and took off his shirt, which she had already unbuttoned and then kicked his shoes and pants off. Jackson then continued his exploration as he bent over her and kissed down her chest, along her collarbone, and then took her nipple in his mouth as he stroked the other. April was writhing beneath him, panting as he worshipped her.

The sounds April was making him was driving him insane. Jackson pulled her scrub pants off, followed by her panties. He then sat up, taking in the sight of her as she looked up at him. Her eyes were big and beautiful, begging for him to take her.

He leaned down and kissed her slowly and said, "You are the most beautiful woman."

She blushed and looked at him skeptically and he nodded and said, "Truly."

April leaned up and captured his lips and pulled him down to lie on top of her. Jackson kissed her deeply and she gasped in pleasure as she rolled her hips and felt Jackson so ready.

"I want you," he whispered harshly as she rolled her hips against him again.

April only nodded and she hitched her thighs high on his hips as he pulled his boxers down with her help. Jackson reached for his pants and grabbed a condom out of his wallet. He slid it on quickly, needing to be inside her. He kissed her neck and down to her delicate collarbone as he groaned. He felt between them to see if she was ready. She was.

He then eased into her gently and slowly. She gasped and her breathing became heavy as she adjusted to him. He looked down into her face to gauge her and kissed her lips softly once he was fully inside of her. She felt fucking incredible.

April looked up at Jackson with love and he smiled as he leaned down and kissed her before he felt her hips move to urge him on. Jackson began thrusting into her warm heat and he closed his eyes in ecstasy. How had he lived without this? Without her?

She was so tight from her lack of experience and something primal in Jackson liked that she was only his. No one would ever know her like he did. April gasped and closed her eyes as he felt her build up, and Jackson leaned on one elbow and brushed his hand along her jaw, down her neck and chest, over her boobs, and down her sides. He settled it on her hip possessively and she shivered in response to his touch which felt fucking amazing.

"April," he grunted as his thrusts became more desperate.

She was completely lost to the sensation and he begged her, "April, please, look at me."

April opened her eyes and he watched her eyes, clouded over in the heat of the moment. She dug her nails into Jackson's back as he looked down at her and she maintained eye contact as she leaned up and kissed him. April's body tensed, her back arched and she cried out, her walls fluttering around him and putting the most exquisite pressure on him as he came with her. He panted against her neck as his hips continued to spasmodically thrust inside of her, emptying everything he had.

His arms were shaking as he came down from his high and he gently lowered himself to lie gently on top of her, her breasts pushed deliciously up against his chest. He buried his face in her hair as he caught his breath and when he had regained some of his senses he lifted his head and looked down at April, who was breathing heavily and tears were in her eyes.

Jackson brushed her hair from her face and asked, "Did I hurt you? Are you okay?"

April nodded and smiled up at him and whispered, "I just...I need that. I needed you. Thank you."

Jackson chuckled and leaned down and kissed her as he gently pulled out of her and got rid of the condom. "I needed that too," he murmured against her lips.

"That was amazing," she said as he brought her to his side and cuddled her to him. Her eyes were hooded and she lazily stroked his chest as she draped her leg over his.

He nodded and buried his nose in her hair and kissed the top of her head as he ran his hands up and down her soft back and sides.

"You have the softest skin," he murmured. Jackson felt her smile against his chest as she kissed it and said, "You are perfect, but you can be so full of shit."

"I swear to you," Jackson said, pulling her face up to look at him, "I jerked off in the shower yesterday because I couldn't stop thinking about it. And your lips, and your hair, and your sinful tits, and-"

April slapped him gently on the chest and smiled down at him. "That's vulgar."

Jackson laughed and said, "No, it's not. It's not vulgar to desire your woman."

She blushed and he chuckled and pulled her face to his so he could kiss her.

April laid her head back down on his chest and resumed stroking his chest, every once in awhile trailing down his abdomen. "Your mother came to see me in trauma. I am pretty sure I can never look her in the face again."

"What did she do?" he asked as he chuckled.

"When we weren't together, she took me to lunch and I told her I had slept with someone at the boards and that the guy basically rocked my world. Little did I know you had already told her something had started between us in San Francisco. I blurted the whole thing out. I am so mortified."

He laughed and said, "She probably loved it. She loves details."

"Trust me, I know. She asked me how my first time was and if you were gentle."

"What did you say?" Jackson asked, curious.

"I said...I said you were perfect," she responded and he rolled over her and kissed her deeply.

When Jackson pulled away he whispered, "You are perfect." He kissed down her neck again, softly sucking on the skin. April began panting and Jackson already felt himself hardening for her once more. She was intoxicating.

Suddenly a pager went off and he looked down at her in exasperation. She was frustrated as she fumbled for her pager on the floor. She looked at it and then up at him and said, "It's yours."

He looked down in disbelief at her and then grabbed his own pager from the floor. It was Shelley checking up on him. Why did he want this responsibility?

April

"Ugh. Shelley is paging. She is trying to keep me on track today. I was lucky to get a lunch break," he murmured as he rolled onto his back.

April missed his weight immediately and rolled so she was hovering over him. She kissed his lips as he deleted the page and then down his jaw and neck. He groaned and his hand came up and rested gently on the back of her head as she continued kissing him all over.

"April," he groaned as his pager went off again. She ignored it, knowing it wasn't an emergency. She couldn't get enough of him. He silenced the pager and April moved lower, licking his nipple as her hands continued to stroke his chest and abs. She moved to his other nipple and sucked it into her mouth, loving the sounds coming from Jackson. She could feel his arousal pressing against her stomach and it made her blood boil.

She began moving lower when the pager alarmed again and this time Jackson, who was panting heavily, threw the pager so hard across the room, it shattered against the wall. April didn't even care, so lost to her lust.

April let her desire take control of her as she moved lower, running her tongue along the ridges of his abs when she heard on the intercom system, "Dr. Avery to Administration, Dr. Avery to Administration".

Jackson apparently didn't hear it or he didn't care because he made no move to stop her as she continued her path downward. Jackson hips bucked up as April kissed along the V in his pelvis. His breathing was erratic and April looked up to see his eyes closed tightly as her lips kissed him.

He groaned in pleasure and April took his tip in her mouth tentatively, letting her tongue feel him for the first time. It made her blush, but this was something she wanted. She wanted to know Jackson. Every part of him.

She ran her tongue along him slowly and suddenly she heard a code alarm outside the on call room and she popped up, listening to the code. It was a code blue. April knew they could ignore Shelley, but not a code. Someone's life was on the line.

April scrambled up and Jackson growled in frustration as she began pulling her clothes on.

Jackson

"Dammit!" he shouted and April looked over her shoulder at him as she put her scrub pants on. She shushed him and whispered, "Someone will hear you!"

"I don't care!" he barked as he jerked his shirt on, followed by his boxers. He then grabbed his pants and put those on too, looking for his shoes. April was now fully dressed and slipping into her sneakers and went to Jackson and whispered, "To be continued."

She kissed his lips quickly and then dashed out of the on call room, Jackson was right behind her as he hopped on one foot to get his shoe on. As he made sure he was all buttoned he ran into someone, and then paused when he realized it was April.

"Hey, wha-" he said, and then paused as he looked up.

Lined up at the nurses station was most of the doctors with amused expressions and some of the nurses.

Jackson stood up straight and cleared his throat as many people started chuckling. April was blushing furiously and Jackson asked, "No code?"

"We had to break it up somehow," Cristina said, her face one of pure amusement and enjoyment at the couple's expense.

"Shelley is looking for you," Meredith said, a small smile on her face.

April squeaked in embarrassment and rushed off towards trauma and Jackson only glared at them and went towards Administration. He couldn't believe this.

Shelley was waiting for him at his door and she raised an eyebrow, daring him to say something to her. He knew better and went in his office, reflecting on the last ten minutes. He looked at the clock and realized he had taken a two hour lunch. No wonder Shelley went nuts.

He had been so lost in her. In April. He smiled as he sat at his desk. How was expected to work? To be able to even think clearly after that.

He called down to trauma and asked for Dr. Kepner. He heard the nurses chuckling at his expense in the background but he chose to ignore it as he waited for her voice.

"This is Dr. Kepner," came her voice.

"I believe you said "to be continued'. How about dinner tonight?" Jackson asked.

April was silent and he knew she was blushing. "See you tonight?" he asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Tonight. Yes, I will meet you in the attendings' lounge," April stammered.

The phone line clicked and Jackson chuckled as he placed the receiver back on the hook. He then looked down to the pile of work and he found it manageable as long as he got to see April at the end of the day.

**Thanks for reading and let me know what you all thought!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi everyone! I have such a bad feeling about the show right now with how they left yesterday's show! Eek. I hope nothing bad happens to Bailey. Really freaking out. **

**SPOILER if you haven't seen the ep...even though I like Jackson and April together, it still made me sad to see Matt and April break up...I really like Matt. I think he is such a nice guy! But I hope that this means April and Jackson get closer to being together. I will lose it if they don't!**

**Anyway, please enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think! Have a great weekend everyone!**

I Want This

Chapter 12

April

Hunt actually sent April home early since trauma was slow and they had too many residents and interns to assist. They were also doing the Gunther, but April opted out of watching and decided instead to go to her apartment and get dressed in something nicer than jeans and a tshirt for her and Jackson's date.

She unlocked her apartment and went to her bedroom, which still needed to be unpacked. Living like this was driving her nuts. She would either pull an allnighter and get this place sorted or do it Saturday, which she had off.

April emptied the boxes and bags of shoes and clothes that she had in her room and sorted through the dresses until she found one she liked. It was a light blue summer dress with floral accents on it ( ** shop/dresses/tell-me-a-secret-garden-dress?utm_sou rce=pinterest**). She paired it with a little leather belt and some strappy sandals she owned. It was warm so she didn't need a jacket.

April laid out the outfit then jumped in the shower. She took her time, shaving her legs. When she got out she lotioned every inch of her body and since it was early, she threw on some sweats and decided to start unpacking. She set an alarm on her phone so she would have enough time to get ready for her date and then got to work

She started with her bedroom, making the bed back up and folding and hanging her clothes up. She hung up her old pictures and artwork and put everything back the way she had it.

April then moved throughout the house, kitchen, bathroom, living room and so forth until only a few boxes remained when her alarm went off. The last remaining boxes were her medical books and her DVD collection.

She was putting the unfinished boxes in the front closet when she thought of something. Jackson had known where she lived, but he had never been to her apartment before. April had never had anyone over to her new apartment and she didn't even remember someone asking where she lived or telling people where she was living...how did he know?

She shrugged it off, deciding to ask him later and then went to the bedroom. April threw some curlers in her hair and put on some light makeup for the date. She changed out of her underwear set for a sexier one she had just recently bought and then a slip over that. Finally she put her dress on and zipped it up the side.

Just as she finished putting her shoes on, her cell phone rang. She picked it up as she applied her lip gloss when she saw it was Jackson.

"Hey, April where are you? Are you still in trauma?" he asked, sounding irritated.

"No I actually left early to get some unpacking done. Are you done already? I was just coming there to meet you in the lobby," she said, scrambling for her keys and purse.

"No, I am going to be later than usual. Tomorrow morning I have an early meeting with finance and I have to make sure I know what I am talking about," he said, sighing into the phone. "I am going to have to cancel."

April's heart sank in disappointment as she set her purse and keys down, but she didn't want to make Jackson feel worse than he already was.

"April, I am so sorry," Jackson said and he really did sound sorry.

"No that's okay. It will be good for me to get my apartment squared away anyway. You punch those numbers and I will talk to you later," April said, trying to make her voice sound upbeat.

Jackson wished her good night and then hung up. April sighed in disappointment and reached for the zipper on her dress when she had an idea. She grabbed her purse and her keys once more and then turned the lights off in her apartment and left.

Jackson

Jackson was hunched over his paperwork and making notes in the margins of the finance reports when a soft knock interrupted him. He looked at his watch, knowing everyone was gone from Administration. It was eight and the lights in the hallway were off.

"Come in," he called and in walked April. She looked stunning in a flirty summer dress and her hair was perfect, not a strand out of place. She looked like a vision.

She walked over to him and held up a to go bag and asked, "Have you eaten?"'

His mouth watered at the sight of food. He hadn't eaten since his breakfast. She smiled and pulled out a Tat's Delicatessen grinder, his favorite.

Jackson inhaled and said, "You are an angel."

She smiled, proud of herself, and said, "I brought the date to you."

He smiled and stood, walking around his desk and wrapping his arms around her. He lightly kissed her lips then stepped back and spun her around. "You look beautiful."

April smiled and blushed and said, "Eat. You must be starving."

He nodded and she pulled up a chair and pulled out her dinner which was a half of a grinder and a small ceasar salad. They both had missed out on lunch so they were starving and ate pretty much in silence.

April asked him how it was going and he said, "It's going. Slowly. I have to recheck all my math and then find out where what money is going and why. See if there are any reasonable cutbacks."

April nodded and then asked, "Want my help?"

He looked up at her and said, "You fed me. That is helping me."

April gave him a look and said, "I am better at math than you. Let me see."

She walked around the desk and leaned over and began studying the numbers. Jackson couldn't help but notice her cleavage as she did so and the smell of her hair..."You are more of a distraction than a help. I just want to push that dress up and have you on my desk."

Jackson didn't realize he had said it out loud until he found April's shocked face looking back at him. He smiled bashfully and she burst out laughing.

"I think I am going to go," she said, slightly embarrassed, collecting the trash and then her purse and keys. She bent down and kissed him soundly on the mouth and said, "I would stay for... _that_, but I already spotted some problems with your math. You better get back to it."

Jackson fake pouted and she smiled at him over her shoulder as she walked out.

Jackson watched her walk away down the hall wistfully, wishing he was going with her. That dress...it was innocent, but sinful at the same time. He just wanted to see what was under it and then ravage.

Jackson sat back down heavily in his chair and grabbed his calculator and began again.

April

The next morning, April woke up to a text from Jackson saying good morning and that he missed her. She smiled and began to get ready for work. She wanted to be there early to hear all the Gunther stories.

As she walked in, Callie came up next to her and said, "You had some things delivered to trauma this morning."

"Really?" she asked, anxious. Had she left things at Matt's?

Callie nodded and said, "I will see you in there. I am helping you in the pit today, looking for broken bones."

April nodded and said, "I will be there in a minute."

She quickly made her way to the lounge and changed into her scrubs and lab coat. She grabbed her to-go mug and then made her way down to the coffee cart. When she handed Peter her money, he shook his head and said, "Jackson said he was sorry for cancelling your date and he bought your coffee already."

April smiled and tipped Peter, then walked to trauma. As she walked, she texted Jackson to say thank you for the coffee and asked if he was open for lunch. He immediately responded that his day was another crazy one and that he couldn't meet.

As April rounded the corner to the pit, she gaped at the nurses' station which was filled with flowers and baskets of food arrangements. She looked at the first one and it said her name on it. It was a lovely wine, cheese and crackers gift basket.

Jackson had gone way overboard as she looked at the rest of the gifts and bouquets of flowers. She flipped open the card and it was signed Massachusetts General Hospital. Theses were...? April picked up the other cards which was from University of Arizona, Western Medical Center, and Loyola in Chicago.

April gaped at all of them and Cristina walked up and grabbed a cookie from a cookie bouquet from the University of Iowa. "This is making me nostalgic from when I was recruited. You got good loot Kepner."

April called over to two interns and said, "Take all these to the attendings' lounge."

They gathered all the baskets and bustled off. "So what are your top choices?" Cristina asked, munching on the cookie.

"I, umm, I am not sure. I am supposed to go look at Mass Gen with Catherine Avery in a couple of weeks," she said, even though she hadn't even given that trip much thought.

"Kepner, you got to know what you want and what they are willing to offer. Tuition payback? Moving expenses? Benefits? 401K? Salary? Mortgage Assistance? Play hardball and don't settle."

Cristina had April freaking out about all the things she hadn't even considered and she was dedicated to learning about them now. April would need to bring out nerd Kepner and study what she needed to know about this entire process.

Callie walked up to them and said, "Trauma fifteen minutes out. Did you see the baskets?" she asked excitedly. "You are a wanted woman, Kepner."

"In more ways than one," Cristina muttered with an suggestive leer at Kepner.

"Oh yeah I heard you were successfully able to get Jackson to forget he had a hospital to run," Callie said with a laugh, looking April up and down impressed.

"We...we just didn't hear his pager going off. W-we were sleeping anyway. I think Jackson said it was broken," she said, hoping they would buy any of the three lies she had just told.

"Yeah it was broken alright," Callie said with sarcasm and amusement thick in her voice, "He busted it so he could keep banging you in the on call room."

April blushed and moved to get a trauma gown so she could avoid the conversation. Her and Jackson would need to lie low for a while. She didn't like that her sex life was topic of conversation for this hospital. It was special and only supposed to be between her and Jackson.

April, Callie, and Cristina, along with a swarm of interns and residents made their way into the trauma bay to meet the ambulance.

April looked for Hunt, but Cristina said, "He is in the same meeting as Jackson."

April nodded, realizing she was running this one. She called out orders as the ambulance approached. When the doors flung open she was face to face with Matt. He looked at her and pain flashed in his eyes. April was frozen and then Cristina asked, "What do we got?" April made a note to thank her later.

Matt began rattling off what the patient was in for and Callie said, "Broken bones...this one is all mine folks."

Callie began calling out orders for the interns on her case to follow her to the Lodox so she could see exactly what was damaged.

April looked behind her and then back to Matt who was smiling at her in a sad sort of way. The trauma bay was now empty except for them.

"H-How have you been?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Okay, you?" he asked, sadly.

"Same," April replied, as a courtesy. She didn't want him to think she was happy she had broken his heart.

Matt only nodded and then he looked at April and said, "I miss you."

April nodded with a small, sad smile and said, "I know. I miss you too."

They were awkward and silent for what seemed like forever and April couldn't take it anymore and spun around on her heel to go inside.

"April!" Matt called out to her suddenly. She turned back around and he had this odd expression on his face as he slowly walked towards her.

"I meant what I said...about missing you...and I wondered if you meant what you said about still being friends?" he asked as he nervously scratched the back of his head.

April nodded and said, "Of course I meant it, Matthew. I care about you so much."

He nodded and said, "I just...I really need a friend and you were one of my best friends. Wanna grab lunch later?"

April knew this was walking a fine line and she had never been someone's girlfriend so she didn't know what was okay and what wasn't. Lunch with exes? She debated over it and then she thought back to when Jackson and Lexie broke up. He still hung out with her post breakup and Mark never seemed to have minded. Granted, Jackson and Lexie didn't hang out as much as when they dated, but that was a given. He hung out with Mark, but the guy was his mentor and he couldn't help it. But April couldn't help the frequent run ins her and Matt would have as a paramedic and trauma surgeon either.

April looked into Matt's eyes and saw hope that she would say yes. She knew he wouldn't try anything, he just wasn't that kind of guy. And they had become close friends. "Yeah, ummm wanna do lunch in the ambulance bay like we used to?" she asked, smiling at him.

He nodded, and said, "I would like that. Noon?"

April smiled and nodded and then walked back inside feeling awkward about this. She immediately went to her cell phone and decided to text Jackson even though she knew he was in a meeting now and probably wouldn't get it until later. She just didn't want him to hear through the grapevine and think she hid something from him.

Jackson

Jackson walked out of his meeting and rubbed his face as the last of the accounting department left. Hunt was the last to leave and patted him on the shoulder and said, "You did good, Avery. You knew your stuff."

Jackson gave him a small smile and then said, "I am going to get into my scrubs and then spend the rest of the day in surgery. I feel like I haven't done surgery in months!"

Hunt laughed and said, "It can be hard to balance the administrative and the surgical. You will find the balance and get used to it." Jackson nodded and said, "See you Hunt. And thanks for the pep talk."

Jackson made his way to the attendings' lounge taking off his suit jacket and tie as he walked and he noticed several interns,nurses and clerks giggle at him as he did so. He chuckled to himself as he entered the lounge and stopped short when he saw it was filled with at least a half dozen baskets and bouquets.

He went to the first one, which was a fruit bouquet and popped a grape in his mouth as he read the card 'Attn: Dr. April Kepner, looking forward to hearing from you -NY Presbyterian'

He looked at the others, impressed with how many wanted his girlfriend. They hadn't talked about it, but the time would come when they would have to. The board had already given the green light on offering April a fellowship, but what they hadn't decided was if they would match offers like they had with Karev last year.

Jackson would be lying if he said he wasn't a little nervous. He checked the time on his phone and noticed a text from April. She had sent it this morning, but Jackson wasn't receiving until now. She would already be getting back from lunch.

When he read the text, he couldn't help feeling incredibly jealous. Did she seriously have lunch with Matt not even two days after they broke up? Jackson put his lab coat on and despite the fact that he had a surgery in fifteen minutes, he decided to swing by trauma.

April was standing at the nurses station, fiddling with the electronic tablet as she updated a file. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her temple. She gasped in shock and spun around in his arms.

"I thought you would be busy all day?" she said, a genuinely happy smile on her face. "It got out a little early and I wanted to swing by and see you," Jackson replied smiling down into her hazel eyes.

He leaned forward and kissed her slowly, and April responded at first but then pulled away and said, "I have already been getting so much heat over yesterday that I think we should cool it for a bit at work."

Jackson was surprised at first, but nodded in agreement. "Sure, well I am going to head up to surgery. I will see you later?"

She nodded and pecked his lips once more before turning back to her chart and updating it as Jackson left. Jackson shook his head as he walked, trying to wrap his head around April Kepner.

He began scrubbing in when the door burst open and Stephanie Edwards walked in, looking furious. Jackson looked at her in confusion as he continued to scrub and she said, "Did you expect me not to find out?"

"Find out what?" Jackson asked.

"You told me you wouldn't date me because you were an Admin and now I hear you were banging _Kepner _the entire time," she spit out, her eyes glittering with angry tears.

"Whoa, hang on. I broke up with you because you are an intern and I am an administrator, yes, but I also told you that I couldn't' take that risk for a relationship that wasn't serious. We agreed when we started this that it wasn't serious. April and I happened after I broke up with you," Jackson said, drying his hands.

"So you are serious about _her_? You will risk it for _her_?" she asked in disbelief.

Jackson remained silent and gave Stephanie an affirmative nod to let her know that, yes, he was serious about April.

"Unbelievable," Stephanie grit out, "So I was just a distraction until she came back to you?"

"No," Jackson said reassuringly, "Not at all.

Stephanie was literally shaking she was so mad and Jackson felt like he needed to try and make this better. "Stephanie, you yourself said you didn't want something serious because you don't want your peers to think you were sleeping with me for surgeries. You also didn't want to risk getting kicked out of the program."

Stephanie leveled him with a glare and said, "We had progressed to more than fucking around, Jackson, and you know it."

Jackson shook his head and said, "Not for me."

Stephanie looked so hurt and Jackson immediately felt guilty. "I am sorry if I hurt you."

Stephanie shook her head and shot him one more baleful glare before storming out of the scrub room and leaving him.

Jackson walked into the OR with his hands raised, ready for gloves and to scrub in on his surgery. He greeted the patient and asked if they had any last questions before putting him under and when he didn't Jackson entered the zone, completely focused on his work.

Towards the end of the surgery, Callie came in, holding a scrub mask over her face and said, "You have got a problem. Edwards was screaming her head off at Kepner in the middle of trauma. Hunt sent her home for the day, but something needs to happen."

Jackson was shocked and said, "What did April do?"

Callie gave him a look then replied, "She stood there silent, listening to Edwards as patiently as she could. She is Kepner."

Jackson cursed under his breath and said, "I will handle it."

Callie nodded and said, "You better not hurt April, or you will have me to deal with. April had wormed her way into my heart. She is my cub and I am her mama bear now."

Jackson smiled under his mask at the ridiculous idea, but nodded and repeated, "I will handle it."

Jackson finished his surgery and went down to trauma looking for April, but when he couldn't find her he walked up to Hunt who said, "She left, Avery. She asked for Dr. Edwards address and went to see her."

Jackson gaped at Hunt and asked, "Why would you give her the address?"

"She was just going to go talk to her," Hunt said, trying to reassure Jackson.

April

April brought Edwards a pint of ice cream and a six pack of beer. Break-up kit essentials. She knocked on her door and when Edwards opened, she rolled her eyes. April held up the ice cream and beer and said, "Peace offering. Can I come in and talk Dr. Edwards?"

Stephanie looked annoyed, but April was used to it and waited patiently to be let inside.

Edwards was a mess. She was in sweats and her face was puffy and red from crying. She walked into her living room and sat, glaring at April. April sat down in a chair across from her and after a minute she said, "I am sorry if my being with Jackson is hurting you. Truly."

Edwards remained calm, but a scowl was firmly planted on her face. Grumpy indeed.

"Did you know that Jackson and I were interns together at Mercy West? We were barely friends then. There were only four of us that ended up surviving the merger between the two hospitals and then...and then we both lost our best friends in the shooting."

Edwards remained quiet as April spoke. "Jackson never thought much about me until recently. He would deny that, but I know it's true. Of course I was enamored with him when I first met him but...but I never allowed myself to think I would ever even have a slim chance with him. He was too beautiful, too... perfect. An Avery for God's sake. So I settled for being a friend and coworker. We weren't even best friends. Not at all. He fell easily into the click at Seattle Grace, and I was always in the background. Jackson did feel some kind of allegiance to me since we were the only two remaining Mercy Westers, but nothing really more than that."

"I know how you feel, you know," April said, smiling sadly at Stephanie, "First came Lexie. She was hard for me to accept, but I did. She was beautiful and charming and I was this dorky, annoying virgin. When I saw her and Jackson together, I knew Jackson was lost to her. It hurt. I hid it though. Lexie was never really the nicest person to me to begin with and I could tell she only tolerated me. Jackson fell in love with her though, so I accepted it after nights of crying in my room. It didn't help that I lived with them and they were everywhere, having sex and making out in front of me. "

Stephanie's face was slowly changing into a look of sympathy as April continued, "Then...then Lexie and him broke up and he was so sad. He shut everyone out, focusing on passing his boards. And then...then we were at the boards and I...I threw myself at him and gave him my virginity. I thought, I may not get guys like Jackson, but I could give him one of the biggest parts of myself. I don't regret it, because Jackson is a good guy and the closest thing I had to a friend. Not my proudest moment, but I was tipsy and coming off a high from getting in my first bar fight."

Edwards actually laughed in disbelief and April nodded, "Sleeping with eachother hurt our relationship more. I literally thought I would never...we would never get past it. He would go to Tulane and I would go to Moline and we would just...forget. But we didn't. I came back and Jackson was still here. This was all before you dated. What happened next just...it led to us breaking up. I thought I was pregnant," April said as Stephanie inhaled sharply and covered her mouth in shock.

"It was a false alarm, but Jackson ended up dumping me. And then he started seeing you, which literally," April inhaled as she remembered the pain, "It br-broke my heart. But again, I accepted it, thinking I didn't deserve him and maybe him moving on was a good thing."

Stephanie was crying now, but her eyes were no longer angry. "We just found each other again, admitting that we both wanted more. I couldn't believe it when he told me that."

She was silent for a few moments before she looked up at Stephanie and said, "We made a horrible mess throughout this whole thing, and I know we hurt people. You. Matthew. Each other. But we never meant to. I am so sorry, Stephanie. That- that's all I came to say."

April held the grocery bag out to Stephanie and said, "I hope you don't feel awkward learning from me, because I think you have tremendous potential in trauma if you ever change your mind about cardio."

Stephanie gave April a soft smile and then April walked to the door.

"Dr. Kepner?" Stephanie said in a small voice, coming up behind her as she was about to leave. April turned and looked at her and she said, "Thanks..thanks for telling me. It helps me..to understand why it happened the way it did."

April nodded and then smiled and left. She got in her car and drove to her own apartment. She opened her door and then locked it behind her as she walked through the house.

She began cooking, it helped her to relieve some stress. She made a big dinner and packed away the leftovers in tupperware that she would eat off of the whole week.

April went to her bedroom and changed into sweats. She thought about watching a movie, but decided to be productive and grabbed her laptop and brochures and letters from fellowship programs. She sat on the floor in front of her coffee table and began sorting through the stack, nixing programs that weren't willing to offer her enough and programs that were in locations she absolutely didn't want to go. It greatly slimmed her pile down and she began emailing the "no" piles a professional letter, rejecting their offer.

April put the no pile in a folder when she was done and began leafing through the "maybe" pile. She began researching the hospitals and was able to eliminate two more. She then looked at her last remaining offers.

Besides Grey Sloan, it was down to three: UCLA, Mass Gen, and Charleston. They all wanted her and badly. They were offering to take care of her outstanding student loans, provide her with an awesome salary, health insurance and benefits, moving expenses, and even assistance in getting a home if she wanted one. She looked at the offer from Grey Sloan and she knew if she didn't have the sentimental feelings that she did have towards the hospital, it wouldn't be in the running. What they were offering her was too paltry. The real reason April would stay would be for Jackson.

April placed her head in her hands as thoughts sped through her head. She would talk to Hunt to see what he thought, but until then, she was going to keep all these options open. She grabbed her cell phone and checked the time. It was a little after seven.

"Hello, Dr. Avery?" April asked as soon as Catherine answered her phone.

Catherine greeted her in excitement right away and April said, "I want to take you up on that offer to see Mass Gen in a couple of weeks."

Catherine was ecstatic and after they visited for a few moments, they hung up. She called Mass Gen and left a message that she would be in Boston in two weeks time and that she would like to see the facility before she made her decision.

April then called the two other hospitals and told them she would like to arrange a visit within the month. She would make travel arrangements upon finalization of a date she could visit.

April finished just as she heard a knock on her door and she got up, knowing it was Jackson.

She answered and there he was, looking at her as if he didn't know what to expect from her. April walked towards him and hugged him, knowing today had been a bad day for him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his face buried in her hair.

She nodded and asked, "You?"

He pulled back and kissed her lips softly and then said, "I am now."

Jackson

She smiled and pulled him inside with her. She turned and said, "Do you want dinner? I made something."

Jackson smiled and said, "I actually would."

April smiled and led him to the kitchen. He sat down at the small table she had as she fixed him a plate and put it in the microwave she had. She set it in front of him, with a beer knowing he needed one, and then sat across from him and watched him as he ate.

"This is...amazing," he said around a mouthful of garlic mashed potatoes.

April smiled and said, "You say that about all food."

He chuckled and said, "I like it more knowing you made it."

"So how was lunch with Matt?" he asked, trying to make it sound like a casual question but the tension was obvious in his voice.

"It was good. He just wants to be friends," April said reassuringly.

Jackson nodded, a knowing smile on his face. "What?" she asked.

"I said the same thing to you, remember?" he said, shooting her an amused look.

"Matt...he isn't going to try anything, really. He is hurting and I want to be there for him," April said defensively

April was a good person. She had actually dealt with both of their exes today. "And Stephanie?" he asked, his tone worried.

"She is really hurt," April said sadly, looking down at her hands. "And confused. I went over there and I explained our history. I think it really helped her. I apologized that she was hurt, and by the end of it I think she was in a better place. I don't want her to get into trouble for today either."

Jackson smiled and shook his head as he took another bite of chicken and potatoes. She was such a sweet, caring person. What girlfriend would go and talk to their boyfriend's ex girlfriend in order to make them feel better? April. Only April Kepner would. He smiled at her across the table and took her hand in his and kissed it.

"I love you," he whispered, squeezing her hand.

April smiled back and said, "I love you too."

Jackson finished his dinner and then walked to the sink and washed it as April watched him in amusement.

He shushed her over his shoulder as he dried his hands and said, "What else have you been up to tonight?"

April bit her lip nervously and said, "Planning."

"For?" he asked.

"My fellowship," she said, meeting his gaze.

Jackson's heart sped slightly at the mention of it, but he knew he shouldn't be surprised. April had so many opportunities in front of her, and putting her in a box here would be a shame. She could be an amazing surgeon. April just needed to decide who could shape her into a world-class surgeon.

"Let's see your options. I know you have a graph or an excel spreadsheet," he teased, walking towards her.

April swatted at him and insisted, "It's easier when all the information is centrally located and easy to read."

Jackson chuckled and said, "Nerd," as they went to the living room. Jackson sat on the couch in front of the computer and April sat in front of him on the floor between his legs.

It was as he feared. She had four hospitals, including Grey Sloan. Medical University Hospital Authority in Charleston, UCLA in Los Angeles, and Mass Gen in Boston were the other options. As Jackson looked over her spreadsheet and notes, he saw that what these other hospitals were offering her was far more than Grey Sloan. Not educationally, but financially.

"Wow," Jackson said, rubbing her back, his panic rising. "Okay, so what's your plan?"

"Your mother actually invited me to come with her to Boston in two weeks so I can visit Mass Gen and I called UCLA and Charleston to request a viewing some time this month. All I can do is wait for now," April said. "You want to come with me?"

He looked down into her hopeful face and said, "I think I can swing Mass Gen. When the other two call back, tell me and I will check my schedule." She smiled and pulled him down to her, kissing his lips softly. "Thank you for being so supportive. Do you want to talk about...this yet?"

Jackson shook his head and said, "No. I can't. Not now when we just got back together."

April nodded and Jackson wanted to beg her not to leave him. But he knew that would be incredibly selfish. She had never been nothing but supportive when it had come time for him to choose somewhere to go. When he had told her he might be leaving for New Orleans, she had put on a fake smile and congratulated him. He would do the same for her, even if it broke his heart.

April closed down her computer and got up and straddled Jackson on the couch and ran her fingers along his scalp, causing him to shiver. She smiled and Jackson smiled back as she touched her lips to his and kissed him gently. Jackson put his hands on her hips and pulled her hips closer to his as he kissed her back, running his tongue along her lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss.

She opened her mouth immediately and Jackson took control of the kiss and laved at her tongue. April groaned into the kiss and grinded on his lap and Jackson's hips bucked up on instinct. She broke the kiss, panting for air, and Jackson decided to kiss his favorite spot on her neck.

April moaned and her hand made it to the back of his neck and held him there as her other hand rested on his shoulder.

"I want dessert," he whispered huskily in her ear.

April shivered and nodded and Jackson picked her up, her legs still around his waist and carried her to the bedroom.

Jackson moved to her bedroom and gently placed April on the bed and looked down at her. She was adorable. She was in ratty sweats, her hair in a messy bun on top of her head . She looked as sexy as ever. He reached for her hair and gently tugged the tie out of it and ran his fingers through them, loving the feeling.

April smiled up at him, and she reached up and pulled him to lie on top of her. She looked up at him and Jackson's breath caught in his throat as he looked down at her. She was gorgeous. Her hair fanned out around her flushed face, her eyes sparkling up at him, her mouth smiling as she panted.

Jackson lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her as he ran his hands up and down her sides. April grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled and Jackson pulled away and lifted his arms so she could get the garment off.

He then copied her and pulled her shirt off. She was wearing a lacy pink bra that looked amazing against her skin and Jackson moaned and kissed her lace covered breasts before moving the fabric out of the way to get to her nipple. April moaned and arched her back closer to him and he moved to her other breast and paid it the same attention. Jackson stood and removed his pants as April quickly discarded her own sweats and then unclasped her bra.

Jackson laid next to her and pulled her on top of him and gently ran his hands over her breasts, rolling her nipples between his fingers as she straddled him. She was only in her underwear and Jackson quickly tugged them down her legs. April leaned forward and quickly got rid of them.

Her kisses became fevered and April began trailing kisses down his body once more. "I.." kiss, kiss, "Told..." kiss, kiss, "You," kiss, kiss, lick. "'To Be Continued'," kiss lick, lick.

Jackson groaned and his eyes rolled in the back of his head as April took him in her hot little mouth. He could tell she wasn't used to this, but he had no problem being her practice dummy. She licked every inch of him and sucked his tip in her mouth when she found he really liked that. Her tongue ran along the ridges of his tip and he thought he was going to come as he let out a choked sob of pleasure.

"Fuck, April!" he grunted as she bobbed down on him. Jackson propped himself on his elbows and watched her as she licked along the thick vein and he could feel the tingle in his balls, telling him he wasn't going to last long. April bobbed up and down, applying truly beautiful pressure on his cock as she did so and running her rough taste buds gently on his sensitive tip.

Jackson panted and had a death grip on the sheets as April took him back in her mouth and bobbed as low as she could go, pumping the rest of him she couldn't reach. Jackson's breathing became erratic and ragged and he barked, "AprilI'mgonnacum!"

He expected April to release him, but she held his tip in her mouth, teasing it with the tip of her tongue as he shot into her mouth as he screamed. He was sure every vein in his neck and face was bulged as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. His body went limp as he finished and April lapped at him a few more times and then kissed his head before climbing up his body and laying on top of him.

Jackson panted, attempting to catch his breath, and wrapped his arms around April, kissing her forehead.

"Was it good?" she asked, her voice nervous.

Jackson looked down at her in disbelief and said, "It was fucking incredible. Possibly the best blow job of my life."

April looked at him in disbelief and he tightened his grip on her and kissed her forehead and said, "I wouldn't lie about something as stupid as that. You were wonderful. I wish you weren't so skeptical when I compliment you," running his hand down her back.

She smiled up at him and Jackson rolled them so he was on top of her.

"My turn," he said against her lips, kissing her lightly as he trailed his hands down her body.

April sat up quickly and said, "What do you mean?"

Jackson leaned on his elbow and stroked her hip. "Are you uncomfortable with this? With me going down on you?"

April bit her bottom lip nervously and he smiled and kissed her stomach. "You would like it, I promise," Jackson singsonged.

April still seemed hesitant and Jackson sat up and pulled her into his arms. "I don't want to do it if you don't want me to. But, I want to know why you don't. Is it me? You trust me?"

April shook her head and said, "No, it's definitely not you. I trust you, it's just-what if you-what if-"

She was stammering so bad Jackson grabbed her chin and kissed her lightly. "What if I what?"

April glanced up at him and immediately looked down and said, "What if you don't like it? I mean, my...my-"

Jackson cut her off by kissing her deeply, placing his hands on her cheeks. "I can't believe you just said that," he said.

April blushed and looked down. Jackson lifted her chin and said, "I want to. Please?" he asked, giving her the smile he knew she couldn't resist.

She smiled nervously and he kissed her gently. "Relax," he whispered as he began kissing down her body again. He could feel her shudder as he got lower and Jackson rubbed his hands along her body to remind her to relax.

Jackson ran his fingers along her and felt her shudder again. He kissed both of her thighs and along her pelvis, taking his time so she wasn't so nervous, all the while petting her and getting her used to him being down there.

His hand movements became bolder and closer to her folds and April occasionally had the impulse to close her legs, but Jackson would kiss her thighs. He lightly stroked her, easily finding her small bundle of nerves and lightly rolled it between his fingers. April immediately began to moan and her head fell back as he moved.

Jackson applied slightly more pressure and then released her and climbed up her body, still lightly petting her. He kissed her neck and then up to her mouth, "Do you like that April? Does it feel good so far?"

April nodded and he chuckled and kissed her lightly. "Good," he whispered, kissing her once more then down to her breasts. She was still nervous, but he could tell it was because she didn't know what to expect, not that she wouldn't like it. Jackson never thought he would like doing this with a virgin, or anything with a virgin really, but he loved watching April explore her sexuality. She was curious and he loved that he was the one introducing her to these new experiences.

Jackson kissed down her abdomen as his hands began massaging all over, her pubic bones, her hip bones, her pelvis. April was relaxed and that is when Jackson stuck his two fingers gently inside her, which she immediately gripped onto. He kissed her thighs and whispered, "Relax, baby."

April began to relax as he nuzzled his face against her inner thighs and she gasped and moaned as he bent his fingers slightly upward. April hissed in pleasure and her head fell back as she moaned, "Jackson."

Jackson smiled up at her as he kissed her softly at first. His tongue lapped at her and she hummed in satisfaction. She had no idea what was coming.

Jackson found her perfect, pretty little clit once more and focused on it before gently sucking it into his mouth as his tongue stroked downward. April was literally writhing against him and Jackson set his sucking motions to her movements. Every time she clenched his fingers he relaxed his hand movements and once she was calm, he continued to gently massage into her and press her muscles.

She was glorious. And her taste...it was slightly salty, but fresh at the same time. Jackson hadn't ever tasted someone as good as her. Jackson felt his cock stir due to the combination of her breathy moans, the grip she had on his fingers, the slight roll of her hips to meet his suction, and her taste on his tongue.

Jackson sucked a little harder on April and she gasped out in pleasure as he released her with a pop. "April?"

She mumbled something incoherent and Jackson smiled and gently kissed her before saying, "April, do you like what I am doing?"

She nodded and he smiled and said, "I can't hear you, April."

"Yes, I l-like what y-you are doing," April mumbled out as he continued to softly pump his fingers inside of her, blowing cool air on her clit.

April groaned and her whole body responded to the new stimulation, "O-oh, p-please Jackson!"

Jackson smiled and began sucking her off again and April's thighs were literally quivering. He felt her begin to quake and he looked up at her as she began to come. Hard. She whimpered and cried out as she did and Jackson brushed the front of his teeth along her clit which seemed to intensify her release.

As she began to come down, Jackson placed his fingers alongside her clit once more and massaged her, causing her to jerk in pleasure. Jackson smiled as her body relaxed under him. He kissed her pelvic bone and then climbed up her body towards her, dipping his fingers inside of her on the way and tasting her on his fingers.

April opened her eyes, which were still moving back and forth from the force of her orgasm. Jackson leaned forward and kissed her chin then her mouth.

"Was it good?" he asked, copying her words, a smug smile on his face.

April laughed, even though she was out of breath and then smacked his chest lightly.

"Smug asshole," she said as he pulled her towards him.

He pulled her into his side as he laid down and covered them with the blankets. She was practically purring as he stroked her back and he kissed her forehead as he ran his fingers through her hair.

April

April couldn't believe what Jackson had just made her felt. She literally felt like she had left her body. When she came back to her body it was pulsing in pure, raw pleasure. It almost scared her.

Jackson's hands had been stroking up and down her spine and into her hair for the longest time, but she now noticed that one was still entangled in her hair and the other rested on her lower back. She looked up at Jackson, who was fast asleep.

April smiled and kissed his chest before resting her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat a slow steady rhythm. April felt her eyes heavy with fatigue. She yawned and Jackson groaned and turned in his sleep toward her, wrapping his arms tighter around her. April slowly maneuvered herself so her back was to him and he was spooning her from behind.

She fell asleep shortly after. When she woke up she looked at the clock 6:00 AM. April yawned and stretched in Jackson's arms when she felt it. Jackson had a massive morning erection pressed right into her ass.

April looked over her shoulder at Jackson who was still sound asleep. She gently got up and walked to her bathroom. Her legs were wobbly at first and she felt semi-sore. But it was a good kind of sore. April peed and brushed her teeth. She yawned once more and walked to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee so it would be ready when Jackson woke up.

She then went back to bed and climbed in, snuggling back into Jackson's arms. He didn't even wake up. April smiled to herself as she thought about last night. He had been...phenomenal. She never imagined someone could make her body feel like that.

April was having a hard time trying to get some some extra sleep, feeling Jackson against her. She arched her back so that his erection rubbed against her ass, wanting to wake him up. His face twitched in his sleep and April smiled as she did it again and he mumbled something this time. April pushed back against him and his arms tightened and he groaned in his sleep and April was going to go insane soon if he didn't wake the hell up.

She rubbed herself against him once more and he sleepily said, "April?"

"Finally," she said over her shoulder. Jackson smiled and kissed her shoulder, looking down between them realizing her trick.

Jackson reached between her thighs and massaged her and April gasped as she arched her back slightly. She needed him to touch her.

"Jackson," she whispered and he kissed her temple and whispered, "I know." Jackson rolled away from her and she heard him tear the condom wrapped and roll it on before he rolled back on his side and pressed himself against her once more.

He placed himself at her entrance and April arched her back as far as possible. She was going to snap her spine any second if he didn't do something. Jackson pushed into her and she moaned with him as he rested inside of her, kissing up her neck and down her shoulder.

Jackson began to slowly pump into her, reaching a hand down in front of her and massaging her. She was still sensitive from last night and with a few gentle, but firm rubs combined with the thrusts, Jackson had her falling over the edge.

Jackson

Jackson grunted in her ear as she came, but he wasn't close yet. He waited until she came down before he resumed pumping into her.

Jackson pulled her close so that her back was pressed up tight against his chest. His hands were feeling her skin, finding a home on her breasts, which he gently squeezed as he thrust into her. Every part of them was touching and Jackson buried his face in her hair. What the fuck was this smell? She smelled like...a summer day. It was a sweet and soft scent the drove him wild.

Jackson's movements became slightly rougher. He worried at first that April wouldn't like it, but April seemed to respond and bucked her hips and ass back against him and he groaned, she turned her face to his and he kissed her as his hips sped up. He was close and so was she.

April broke the kiss, but their mouths stayed close as she panted against him. He felt her walls tighten and it was enough for him to shoot into her as she came with him. Their bodies tensed, but they relaxed as they rode out their orgasms.

April hummed in delight and Jackson kissed all over her neck and shoulders as he gently pulled out of her and got rid of the condom. She turned her head and he gently kissed her and said, "Morning, baby."

She smiled and said, "I like it when you call me 'baby'."

Jackson smiled, not realizing he had been doing it, but he liked it too. He rolled and kissed April deeply and she gasped, but kissed him back. He kissed all over her face and then down her neck and April laughed.

"Note to self: Jackson likes early morning wake up calls," she murmured as he kissed and sucked her collarbone.

Jackson looked at the clock and said, "It's not even seven!"

April gave him a guilty smile and he inhaled and smelled coffee. She had been up and climbed back in bed to wake him up to have sex with her. That was...fucking hot. "I have created a monster," Jackson said with a smile, pecking her lips as she chuckled.

"We both know you love it," she said confidently.

"I do love it. Do I get breakfast for giving you multiple orgasms?" he asked, looking up at her hopefully.

April smiled and said, "That sounds like a fair deal."

Jackson smiled and kissed her once more before stretching and looking for his boxers. April grabbed her underwear and slipped them on and then reached for the undershirt he had been wearing earlier.

She looked...completely fuckable. She pulled her hair into a bouncy ponytail and then went the kitchen as Jackson went to the bathroom. He grabbed her toothbrush,assuming she wouldn't mind, and brushed his teeth and went to the bathroom.

When Jackson emerged from the bathroom he smelled the coffee and what smelled like bacon. He then heard April whisking something. She had set the table and put his morning mug of coffee on the table. He sat and drank the strong coffee and smiled.

April began flipping french toast and as she began to serve him some bacon to munch on as he waited for french toast, Jackson was surprised how domestic the scene was and how much he liked it. He sipped his coffee, not even trying to hide the fact he was watching April cook in just his shirt and her underwear. Her long legs, the cheeks of her ass peeking out from the hem of his shirt...

She suddenly turned, catching him in the act and smiled, "Perv."

Jackson chuckled and said, "So if you and my mom were going to Boston, did that mean she was planning on having you over to stay at our house?"

April shrugged as she walked over with a plate of french toast and some syrup and said, "I hadn't really asked. I planned to book a hotel. I don't want to stress your mom out."

He smirked as he took his first bite of french toast. It wasn't his first time having it and April knew how much he had loved it.

"Trust me, she will stress out if you don't stay at the house. She wants you under surveillance so she can find the perfect opportunities to grill you on how often I do you, what positions I do you in, how often I make you scream my name.." he said around a mouthful of french toast as April blushed.

"You are still coming, right?" she asked nervously, knowing Jackson would keep Catherine Avery in line somewhat.

"I must have been trying to get laid when I said I would, but yes, I will go with you," he said with a smile.

April kicked him under the table and flipped open the paper. She handed Jackson the sports section as she read the news. It had been a good morning. Actually, it had been a fantastic morning. And he was actually looking forward to going home with April. He wanted her to see where he had grown up and show her the sights.

Jackson heard his cell phone alarm go off and he finished the last bite of french toast before running to grab it. He had set it so he could wake up early enough to get home and grab a spare change of clothes and shower. He walked back in the kitchen and kissed April, gently cupping her face in his hands.

"I have got to get ready," he whispered. She nodded and said, "Here, you'll need this," she said, pulling his shirt off and handing it to him, then going back to the paper and sipping her coffee as if it was nothing. Jackson's dick immediately stood to attention as he looked at her in shock, sitting naked at the table in just her panties. She must be messing with him.

He noticed that she was blushing and fighting a smile as she fought to look at the paper.

"You don't play fair, Kepner," he said bending down and kissing her deeply. He released her lips and said, "I'll get you back for this."

She smiled mischievously and he loved seeing her nose scrunch up as she did so. It was adorable.

"Bye, baby," she said as he pulled the shirt she had been wearing on and then his pants and shoes on quickly.

He smiled at the term of endearment and then rushed out of her apartment. He was going to be late even though he had an early start.

April

April couldn't stop smiling as she walked into the lounge to get dressed for the day. Cristina and Meredith were at the table eating breakfast and Alex was changing into his scrubs.

April grabbed her scrubs and yawned loudly, apologizing to the room.

"Not getting enough sleep, Kepner?" Cristina asked, amused.

April ignored the comment and Alex walked over as April shimmied into her scrub bottoms. "Kepner is that...oh my God. Kepner's got a freakin' hickey."

April turned to the mirror and couldn't stop the blush that flooded her cheeks as the three started chuckling.

April quickly pulled on a scrub top as Hunt came in and said, "Kepner, I have something I want you running today with me. Do you all have cases? Because we could use all the help we can get."

Cristina lazily got up and Meredith followed as April tried to rearrange her scrub coat collar to hid the hickey.

"You need coverup," Meredith said, not in a cruel way, but a matter of fact way.

"I-I think I have some, I will do it when I have a moment. Thanks," April said gratefully.

They walked into a conference room where two men stood with Jackson. April gave him a small smile and Jackson returned it with that amazing grin.

She sat down and waited for Hunt to explain why she was here instead of running the pit. Callie, Arizona, and Derek walked in and whatever this was moved up a notch if all the attendings were here for it. April looked to Hunt and he smiled at her and introduced the two men.

They were general practitioners from Syria who needed emergency surgical field training. They needed quick simple procedures that would save the lives of hundreds of people in their civil war torn country, possibly thousands if they trained other doctors.

Hunt split the attendings up in two groups and each group was assigned a doctor. April introduced herself and when she said she was a trauma surgeon he smiled at her. "We could use you," he said, his accent thick.

April smiled and looked at what they were looking at. Apparently they just needed to go through some procedures and they would have the skills they needed. Hunt, April and Arizona stood in a skills lab with the doctors. April looked at the sparse amount of tools that Hunt had arranged, but the two doctors were looking at it quizzically.

Hunt inquired if there was a problem and they said, "We do not have these resources."

April looked to Hunt and then back at the tray of instruments in disbelief. Hunt nodded and asked, "Can you show us what you are used to working with and then we can work from there?"

April watched in shock as the men removed the majority of the supplies. She looked to Hunt skeptical, but he nodded and said, "Okay." The man then walked over to the lights and turned them off. April sighed and didn't know how they were going to help these men.

Jackson

Jackson had had a rough day. They had missed lunch so they decided to order in. Jackson looked around the conference room and said, "Where is April?" looking to Hunt. She was missing as was Bailey, Weber, Arizona, and Derek.

"Incoming case coming into the ER," Hunt answered Jackson before going back to his food.

Jackson nodded, hiding his frown as he arranged the food on his plate. He heard Hunt talking about the Syrian conflict and what a difference they were making by teaching these doctors.

"...I told Kepner that if she wanted a _real _trauma education, to be a _real _trauma surgeon she should go to places that need her like Syria, Iraq-"

"You said WHAT?!" Jackson shouted, slamming his plate down.

Hunt looked at him in shock along with the rest of the doctors who had been having side conversations and had no idea what Jackson was freaking out about.

"Owen?" Cristina asked, clearly confused.

"I said...Kepner should...think about going where trauma surgeons were needed," Hunt said hesitantly.

There was a heavy silence in the room.

"Like Syria and Iraq? Are you fucking insane? You are her mentor! She listens to you, especially when you say shit like she has to go to a country where thousands of people are killed daily in order for her to be a _real _surgeon!" Jackson roared in outrage.

Everyone's head whipped to Owen in disbelief.

"It's George all over again," Meredith murmured, glaring at Owen. "That's not fair," Cristina snapped at Meredith.

"George?" Jackson asked, now extremely confused. How the fuck did that guy get brought into this?"

"Hunt told George he would be good in the military, so he enlisted," Callie said quietly, her eyes sad and looking down at the table.

"I don't give a fuck what he told George. You really think April Kepner should go to fucking Syria!? If that's where a real trauma surgeon should be, then what the hell are you doing here? You should go to Syria or Iraq and leave April the hell out of it," Jackson snapped at Hunt, enraged.

He walked out of the conference room, slamming the door behind him and walked to trauma. April was in one of the rooms and working someone who was struggling to breath. Jackson walked in and said, "How can I help?"

April smiled and together they stabilized the patient as Bailey walked in with a terrified Murphy trailing behind her.

"You paged?" she asked, glaring at Murphey.

"Apparently this is oneo of your patients. She has post-op-"

"Let me guess, post-op infection at the site of the incision?" Bailey said in angry disbelief, glaring at Murphey over her shoulder.

Leah looked mortified and terrified. April nodded and Bailey said, "I have this, Kepner and Avery. Go and move on to the next patient."

April looked down at the patient and then back at Bailey, clearly unsure, "Are you sure?"

Bailey only leveled her with a glare and Jackson and April scrambled to get out of her way as Murphy and Bailey moved in the room with nurses and techs.

Jackson and April looked through the window as Bailey took control. Jackson reached for her hand and asked, "Can we take a walk?"

April

She looked at him in surprise, but she nodded and he pulled her with him out to the ambulance bay. They walked slowly hand in hand, eventually sitting on a bench on the promenade.

She stole glances at him. He looked upset, mad, even a little worried. April looked down in her lap. Usually when someone said, "'Can we talk?' or 'We need to Talk' somebody was usually getting dumped.

"It's okay Jackson, you don't need to," she said sadly, trying to stave off her tears, pulling her hand from his.

He looked up at her in confusion, his gaze flicking down to the hand she had just removed from his own.

"Do what?" he asked, scooting closer.

"You don't' need to break up with me, I get it," she murmured.

"Wha-April, I was not going to break up with you!" Jackson said in complete shock and disbelief.

April looked up at him and asked, "You aren't?"

"No, why would you think that?" he asked, putting his arm around her and pulling her face to look into his eyes.

April tried to look down, but he wouldn't let her, "April, listen to me. I will _never _break up with you again."

She looked at him in surprise and he nodded. He cupped her face in his hands and used his thumbs to gently wipe the two tears that had fallen.

"Well then what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked in surprise.

"Syria," he said, a small smile on his face.

April burst out laughing, "Syria?"

"Yes, I didn't want you to go there and get yourself killed trying to become what Hunt believes a trauma surgeon is," he said smiling. "I don't want to hear from the FBI that they have kidnapped you and holding you as a P.O.W."

April was bent over laughing so hard and Jackson was chuckling, "I am serious!" he insisted as he began laughing harder.

They stopped laughing and April said, "P.O.W?"

He shrugged and she chuckled and leaned forward and kissed him softly.

"I am not going to Syria. I don't want to leave Seattle for Boston, let alone the United States for Syria," April said, pulling away.

Jackson pulled her back in for another kiss.

"Good, because I just lost my shit on Hunt for even suggesting it to you," he said as he pulled away.

"Oh jeez, Jackson!" April scolded.

"Well, he shouldn't say shit like that. I know he is getting help for his PTSD, but he needs to leave other people out of it," Jackson said as April rubbed his back.

"He got your feathers ruffled, baby?" she asked with a small smile.

Jackson chuckled and said, "How about we go to an on call room and I ruffle _your _feathers?" he said, leaning in for a kiss.

Jackson

His pager suddenly sounded and April pulled back and blushed.

"I am getting paged back to that conference room. Are you going home soon?" he asked as they stood and walked towards the hospital entrance.

April shook her head and said, "I am on call tonight. I will probably just stay."

Jackson nodded and said, "I will come by when I am done."

April kissed him quickly and headed towards trauma while Jackson walked back to the conference rooms. He walked past Meredith, Bailey and Murphey and knew that this was no longer about him losing his temper on Hunt.

"We are going to need legal," he said, after he was told about what had been going on in the hospital that day. Jackson looked around the room at all the grim faces and rubbed his face in frustration.

April

April had gotten callbacks from all three fellowship programs throughout the day telling her they were arranging her hotel and flight expenses to come and visit their facilities and that they were flexible around her schedule. She had gotten them scheduled one after the other on the weekends and let Hunt know.

Hunt had apologized to her about suggesting she go to Syria. April shook her head and reassured him , she knew what he had meant when he had said that. She didn't apologize because it wasn't her place. She may be Jackson's girlfriend, but that didn't mean she spoke for him.

April looked at the clock. It was now 3AM and she was exhausted. She found and empty on call room and as she collapsed on the bed she realized Jackson had forgotten to stop by. He was probably exhausted. Suddenly her cell phone buzzed and she groaned in frustration as she picked it up. If it was another drunken idiot or overdose person she was going to be pissed.

She looked at the phone and it was a text from Jackson, asking where she was. She texted him back to tell him which on call room she was in and ten minutes later he entered the on call room and locked it behind him.

Jackson looked exhausted and April scooted over on the bed and he plopped down next to her and closed his eyes. She leaned over him and kissed him softly.

"If you are here for sex, you are out of luck. I am too tired," she said, yawning.

He shook his head and reached down and grabbed the hospital blanket and covered both of them up. He wrapped his arm around her stomach and then turned towards her and said, "We need sleep, just go to sleep, baby."

April smiled and closed her eyes, quickly falling asleep next to Jackson.

**Thanks for reading! Please drop me a line and review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**So I have been hearing through the grapevine that we have a little Grey's break, but fear not, because I plan to continue writing to fill the void! Thank you for everyone who has taken the time to read my story and leave me feedback. It has meant the world to me.**

**Enjoy and please let me know what you think!**

I Want This

Chapter 13

Jackson

The alarm went off in April's room and Jackson groaned. He reached over to her side of the bed and shut it off. He buried his face in April's vacant pillow and looked at the clock. 5:30 AM. They had an eight o'clock flight to Boston for April to visit Mass Gen. They would be there for five days.

Jackson rolled over and listened for April and heard the shower running. He smiled and climbed out of bed and walked right over to the bathroom. He found it convenient he was already naked as he climbed in behind April, causing her to jump in surprise.

"Jackson, wha-" she began, but he cut her off by molding his lips over hers and kissing her senseless. Jackson smiled as she moaned and he dragged her against him, sandwiching his morning wood between them.

Jackson released her from the kiss and spun her around. He kissed along her shoulders and whispered, "I want you."

April only nodded and he felt goose bumps rise over her smooth skin and Jackson knew she wanted him just as badly. Jackson ran his hand down her back and palmed her ass greedily as he stood under the hot spray of the shower. Her ass was as beautiful as every other part of her body.

Jackson ran his fingers down the back of her thigh and then lifted her leg and brought it to rest on the edge of the bathtub as he came up behind her and guided her hand to rest on the wall in front of her. April was panting and Jackson realized his was too. April presented like this in front of him...it made him want to bury himself in her and never leave.

Jackson massaged her clit with one hand and her breasts with the other as he rubbed his erection against her ass.

April moaned and Jackson grunted as he felt her take one of her soft little hands and run it behind her and grab him, pumping him lightly. He was gently thrusting into her hand, but he wanted more. Jackson grabbed her and placed it back on the wall in front of her and placed his over hers as his other hand lined his cock up with her and thrust deeply inside of her.

She gasped out at the abrupt action, but her walls tightened on him causing him to groan. He thrust into her desperately and April arched her back to take him in as deep as he could.

Jackson moaned, "April, you...you feel...fucking amazing!" his voice shaking.

April only murmured incoherently as Jackson pumped into her, but Jackson pulled out and turned her around and lifted her leg to rest high on his hip. He eased into her slowly this time, and cupped her face, "Look at me," he demanded in a whisper.

April opened her eyes and focused on his, her mouth slightly parted as they moved together. She rolled her hips perfectly in time with his slow thrusts and Jackson leaned forwards and kissed her panting mouth. She responded and kissed him deeply, wrapping her arms around him, pressing her breasts against his chest.

When April ran her fingernails along the back of his neck, he shivered and groaned. Jackson changed the angle of his thrusts and April whimpered and he felt her walls begin to flutter around him as she came and it was good, because Jackson couldn't wait another second as he spilled into her. Their chests heaved as they came down and April was shaking.

Jackson stroked up and down her sides and then up and down her stomach and chest.

Without a word he pull out of her and then grabbed the shampoo and squirted some in his hand and began washing her hair, scrubbing it thoroughly before guiding her under the shower spray and rinsing it out. Jackson grabbed the soap and began washing April thoroughly, a small smile on his face as he kneeled in front of her and washed her feet, which went crazy because she was ticklish.

April had begun washing Jackson too, and ten minutes later they were both clean. Jackson pulled her out of the shower and wrapped her in a towel first and then one around his hips. She was smiling brightly and said, "If you made us miss our plane, your mother is going to kill us."

Jackson smirked and kissed her forehead and walked towards the bathroom sink and extracted a toothbrush that he now kept here. April walked out of the bathroom and Jackson was happy to see the small, satisfied smile on her lips as she left.

Jackson finished brushing his teeth and walked out to see April sitting on a stool in lacy underwear, spreading lotion liberally over her legs and arms. He watched her and when she caught him staring she only smiled and blushed in response.

Jackson walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders as he held her gaze in the mirror and whispered, "Good morning, baby."

She angled her face towards his and he took the hint and leaned down and kissed her softly, running his hands through her wet hair. He broke the kiss and smiled once more before going to the closet and pulling out an outfit.

Jackson had been spending more and more time at April's and she would spend some time at his place too. At first they would leave early to get back to their apartments, but they found it cut into a lot of their time so they moved some of their clothes and toiletries to each other's apartments.

"Are you nervous?" he asked as he got dressed.

April shook her head and smirked as she replied, "If anything, I am nervous that when we touch down your hidden Southie Boston accept will come out and I will have to ask for a translator to interpret everything you say."

"Ha ha," he said, chuckling and shaking his head.

"Are you sure your mother is okay with me staying at your house? Will it be a huge inconvenience?" April asked nervously as she slipped a pair of jeans on.

"No, she is overjoyed to have you stay at our house. She will actually be disappointed if you don't," Jackson said as he put his socks on.

April walked to the bathroom and plugged in her blow dryer and Jackson decided now was a good time to make a pot of coffee. Jackson sat down and poured himself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal as he listened to April getting ready, humming a song to herself.

He picked up the paper and began flipping through it when his cell phone rang. Jackson sighed when he saw who it was and answered, "Morning, Mom."

"Are you at the airport yet?" his mother asked, her excitement coming through the phone perfectly.

"No, we are finishing getting ready and eating some breakfast and we will be going there soon," Jackson said, eating his cereal.

"Baby, I can't believe April has allowed you to run behind schedule like this," Catherine said in confusion.

Jackson remained silent and then his mother said, "Oh, I see," her tone full of amusement.

"Mom," he warned, looking over his shoulder to see if April was still drying her hair, "You can't be so weird this weekend. You will just make April uncomfortable and nervous and she doesn't need that when she does this interview."

"Oh fine, I will be on my best behavior," she said, chuckling.

Jackson rushed her off the phone, telling her that he needed to make sure April was ready to go and then clicked his phone off. He went into April's room and the blow dryer was still on. Jackson walked in the bathroom and April was standing in there, her hair dry and her eyes focused on the mirror.

"April?" he asked, walking up behind her and taking the hairdryer out of her hand and turning it off.

"What if they don't like me? My recommendations, or the fact that I didn't pass the boards the first time around, or my personality? What if I screw this all up again?" she asked, her voice cracking and her eyes tearing up.

Jackson ran his arms around her waist and kissed the back of her head as he looked at her in the mirror. "They will April. You have so much to offer. Your recommendations are sterling, your personality is optimistic and positive which is rare for trauma, you are an amazing surgeon with awards and accolades to prove it, and with the boards...things happen. And people understand that. So don't worry, you'll be great. There is a reason they all are wooing you, Kepner."

April turned in his embrace and hugged him and he kissed both her cheeks and said, "Now we really better get going. So finish up and I will get the suitcases in the front hall and call the cab to see if they are close."

April nodded and Jackson kissed her forehead one more time before walking to where April had both their suitcases perfectly laid out with all their flight information and identification out. Jackson smiled and pocketed it all as April came out of the bathroom dressed and ready. She looked amazing and Jackson said, "There is a banana, a travel mug of coffee, and a muffin for you in the kitchen."

She smiled as he dialed the cub which was five minutes out.

April

April wolfed down her breakfast and poured the last little bit of coffee in the coffee mug before unplugging it and walking to the hallway where Jackson was waiting.

"Cab should be here any minute," he said.

She nodded and ran through the list in her head and asked, "You got our tickets? Our I.D.'s?"

Jackson nodded and patted the inside pocket of his jacket. She looked down at her suitcase, running through all the outfits she had packed and nodded.

"Relax. You have everything," he said with a chuckle as he pulled her hand in his and tugged her closer.

The cab pulled up and after loading the luggage, they were speeding down the freeway towards the airport.

The airport was bustling with weekend travelers and April and Jackson quickly registered and got through security. They had forty five minutes until their flight began boarding and April was nervous, but Jackson did a good job calming her down.

They boarded the plane and Jackson and April were both nervously clutching each other's hands as the plane took off, during any turbulence, when the plane landed. The memory was all too fresh of losing Mark and Lexie from the crash.

April and Jackson were both happy to be off the plane and Jackson led April through the airport even though it seemed like she had just been here for her boards.

Jackson and April planned on grabbing a cab to his mom's house, but she elbowed Jackson when she spotted a man in a suit and driver's hat holding a sign that read 'Avery/Kepner'.

"Oh my God," Jackson said, pursing his lips in annoyance and rolling his eyes.

"It's not that bad. Sometimes you are so drama," she murmured as she suppressed a chuckle.

Jackson sighed and then nodded at the man who said, "Good to see you, Mr. Avery."

"You too, Liam. This is Dr. Kepner. You are here to take us to Beacon Hill?" Jackson asked.

The man nodded and gestured for the luggage which Jackson handed over. April held onto hers, but the driver insisted on wheeling both out. April gave Jackson a hesitant look as they followed the man but he smiled and nodded reassuringly. The driver stopped at a fancy Rolls Royce Phantom and April's eyes practically popped out of her head as Jackson climbed in pulling April with him.

Jackson kissed April softly as Liam climbed in the driver's seat and drove the young couple to one of the wealthier areas of Boston.

April's eyes were everywhere and Jackson chuckled as he watched her. He caught up with Liam, asking about his children and grandchildren. April wondered how long Liam had been in Jackson's life. He grew up with a chauffeur?

Liam pulled in front of a beautiful luxury townhouse in a beautiful neighborhood and parked the car, getting out to open the door for Jackson and April who were already climbing out of the car.

April looked up in awe at the old brownstone townhouse and turned to Jackson who was thanking Liam and taking his and April's bags. Liam left and Jackson smiled as he pulled April into a hug and said, "You are awfully quiet."

April smiled looking at the townhouse then back to him. "We just...we grew up so differently than each other. You seriously had a chauffeur?"

Jackson chuckled and said, "No, I usually walked or drove. My mother hired Liam to pick us up at places like the airport and social events where a Rolls is required," he said sarcastically.

April smiled and he said, "My mother is probably foaming at the mouth. Come on," he said walking up the steps and ringing the doorbell.

April spotted Catherine through the glass in the door and heard her excited heels click across marble floors and her squeal of excitement. Jackson sighed and April shushed him as she opened the door.

"April honey! Come in! Baby, did you forget your key?" his mother asked in concern.

"Yeah, I think I lost it in one of the moves," Jackson said.

Catherine hugged her son and kissed his cheek lovingly before she turned back to April and threaded her arm through hers.

"Jackson honey, either tell Paige or Thomas that you need them to deal with the luggage or go and put it in your room. It's all ready for you," Catherine said over her shoulder as she began giving April the tour.

April looked nervously over her shoulder at Jackson who smirked and began carrying their suitcases up the stairs. Catherine said, "I have arranged for us to have a day to ourselves. I got Jackson some Red Sox tickets with his old friends so that will give us plenty of time to catch up, dear."

"Good, I am glad," April said, smiling. Catherine led her into a 'living room' if you could call it that. She didn't even want to touch anything in there, let alone get comfortable in here. It looked more like a historical mansion open for viewing as a museum of sorts. The fabrics were exquisite and the artwork in here...it must of cost a fortune, not to mention the chandelier.

"Catherine, your home is beyond beautiful," she said in awe as she gazed up at the chandelier.

"Thank you, April. Now, are you ready for the meeting tomorrow?" she asked.

April nodded and said, "I think so. Jackson has been really helpful and I feel prepared."

Catherine nodded and smiled and said, "Good."

Jackson appeared in the living room and plopped down on the sofa next to April, wrapping his arm around her and relaxing. "So Liam seems good, how are Paige and Thomas?" Jackson asked, placing his other hand on April's thigh, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb.

Jackson

Jackson listened to everything her mother had to say about the people she hired around the house and the neighbors and the gossip of Boston.

April listened with interest, occasionally gasping at particularly juicy gossip, and Jackson chuckled. "So we will do a dinner tonight with your sisters and your grandfather," Catherine said, looking charmed at the couple's public display of affection towards one another.

Jackson snapped up straight and said, "Grandpa? Is that really necessary?"

"I thought it would be a good opportunity for April and him to get to know one another and also your sisters," Catherine said, shooting April a smile. April smiled nervously and Jackson understood why. Hell, he was related to them and he was nervous.

"Mom," he said hesitantly and Catherine shushed him and said, "Jackson, baby, it won't be that bad."

Jackson pursed his lips in annoyance, but knew that this was one fight he wasn't going to win.

April placed her hand over his, which was still resting on her thigh and squeezed it gently in reassurance.

"It will be nice to meet your sisters," she said softly with a smile and Jackson grimaced. He had no idea how his sisters would act around April. She was unlike any of the girls he had ever brought home before.

"Oh hush, Jackson, you are making April nervous," Catherine scolded, "They are very excited to meet you, honey. Jackson, I have a surprise for you. I bought you some Red Sox tickets."

Jackson beamed at April and said, "You will love-"

"Honey, April isn't going with you. You may go with your friends while April and I spend some girl time together," Catherine said.

Jackson frowned and looked down at April who smiled and said, "You go and have fun. We can always go to a game some other time."

Jackson looked between April and his mother, but nodded and said, "Okay."

Catherine smiled, obviously pleased with herself and Jackson stood and said, "I want to take April on a walk around the neighborhood. We will be back for dinner in time."

Catherine said, "Sure, baby. April, make sure my baby doesn't try to escape."

April laughed and Jackson shot Catherine a look before linking hands with April and pulling her towards the front door. Jackson and April took an easy walk through his neighborhood and Jackson reminisced about his childhood with her.

April was taking everything in with her wide hazel eyes. An hour later, Jackson and April decided to head back to his mother's house and take a nap before dinner. It had been a long day so far.

On the way in they ran into Paige, who hugged Jackson excitedly as Jackson introduced her to April. Paige smiled kindly and told April if she needed anything to not hesitate to ask her. April smiled shyly and Jackson kissed the top of her head and chuckled.

"Tell me mother that April and I are going to take a nap before dinner," he said.

Paige nodded and Jackson thanked her before showing April upstairs and into his bedroom.

"So this is your bedroom," April said looking around with a small smile on her face.

"No, my bedroom is in an apartment in Seattle. This _was _my bedroom," Jackson said, laying on his bed and tracking April as she walked around, looking at his athletic trophies and ribbons.

She picked up a crown and looked over her shoulder and said, "Really? Prom king?"

He chuckled and nodded.

April set it down carefully and then turned to Jackson and asked, "So where am I staying?"

"You are kidding right?" Jackson said, a smile on his face.

"I-in here? With you? What will your mother think!" she gasped in shock.

"That we are having sex, which will make her giddy with joy," Jackson said in a teasing voice back.

"She really doesn't care that I sleep in here with you?" April said looking at the door as if Catherine was going to pop through it and scold her that second.

"Don't you want to sleep here with me?" Jackson asked in disbelief.

"Of course, I just...I just didn't think it would be allowed," she said nervously.

Jackson laughed and said, "Come here," holding his hand out for hers. She walked forward and he pulled her down to him, lying on his back with her on top of him. He kissed her lips softly, then the tip of her nose.

She smiled and he chuckled up at her, "Now will you calm down? You should be calming me down?"

"You? You have a huge meeting in the morning with one of the most respected hospitals in the nation? You have to meet your boyfriend's parents?" she asked with a smile on her face.

"No I already met my boyfriend's parents," Jackson said and April laughed.

"Smart ass," she murmured, lowering her mouth to his.

Jackson kissed her hungrily and April moaned into his mouth. He couldn't keep his hands off of her. And having her in his old room...in his bed...it spurred him into rolling them and hovering over April as he continued to kiss her.

April's eyes were closed and Jackson snuck his hand down the front of her pants and into her panties. "Jackson," she murmured against his lips.

Jackson ignored her and suddenly Jackson's mother called out down the hall and April gasped in horror as Jackson withdrew his hand from her as the door opened.

April's face was flushed red as Jackson rolled off her and said, "Mom!"

Catherine chuckled and said, "Sorry, baby, Paige said you had gotten back from your walk and I wanted to see how it went."

"She didn't tell you we were planning on napping?" Jackson asked accusingly.

"Must have slipped her mind," Catherine said smiling at April.

April buried her face in her hands and Catherine laughed, "I will let you two get back to your...nap."

Jackson shot her a look, shaking his head as she closed the door behind her. Jackson only waited for April to emerge from behind her hands and when she did, her face looked so worried and guilty.

Jackson burst out laughing and soon April was too.

"What is wrong with her?" April said, laughing nervously. "She is far too interested in our sex life."

"Try growing up with that for fifteen years," Jackson said.

April shook her head in disbelief and leaned forward and kissed him softly, "Nap?" she asked.

Jackson nodded and leaned to his side table and clicked the light off. He pulled April to his side and Jackson felt April fall asleep almost instantly.

Jackson stayed awake for a little while after, running his hands through her hair and stroking her back before he too fell asleep.

April

April woke up to Jackson kissing her lips softly and running his hands up and down her sides. "Mmmm. What a nice way to be woken up," she murmured with her eyes still closed as she stretched in his arms.

Jackson kissed her lips again and April returned the kiss gently, not wanting to get caught by Catherine again.

"I prefer waking up to you rubbing your ass on me so we can have sex, but this is nice too," Jackson teased. April laughed and rolled so she could look at the time.

"Dinner is soon?" she asked.

Jackson nodded and said, "I didn't know if you wanted to shower or not after the flight."

"What will everyone be wearing?" she asked nervously. She had brought a lot of different options, casual and dressy casual because she was so nervous.

Jackson shrugged and said, "Doesn't really matter."

April looked at him and asked, "Are you wearing that?"

"April, it isn't a big deal," he said, kissing her temple.

April nodded and said, "I might take a shower."

He nodded and got up and walked towards the hallway. There was a bathroom across the hall from his bedroom and he grabbed a clean towel and kissed her before walking out as she pinned her hair up.

April turned on the shower and stepped in when it was warm enough. Whenever she travelled she felt like she needed a refresher, especially tonight, meeting Jackson's entire family.

She quickly scrubbed herself clean and stepped out, wrapping the downy towel around her body before peeking out the door to make sure she wasn't seen as she walked to Jackson's room.

April smiled when she entered and Jackson was shirtless which immediately drew her attention. Her smile froze on her face as she swallowed and he chuckled and walked towards her.

"See something you want?" he whispered, wrapping his arms around her.

She looked up from his chest and nodded and he chuckled and kissed her before stepping back. "I see something I want too."

April shivered hearing his husky voice and she shook her head as she stepped back from him. They had dinner in fifteen minutes and April had to get dressed and throw some makeup on.

Jackson had actually change into some black slacks and a causal blue sweater so April decided to switch her outfit to a simple, modest dress. It was ivory dress and she put in some gold hoops. She went to the full length mirror and did her makeup quickly before turning to Jackson as he slipped some shoes on.

April slipped her dress on and turned her back to him and asked him to zip her. He kissed up her back as he zipped and she shivered.

"We should have stayed at a hotel," she grumbled as she put her shoes on.

Jackson chuckled and said, "I still plan on taking you to bed tonight and having my way with you."

April blushed and said, "You are incorrigible."

Jackson smiled and said, "We should get down there before my grandpa arrives."

April nodded, looking herself over in the mirror once more, smoothing her hair and dress. Jackson walked up behind her and whispered, "You look beautiful, baby."

She smiled at his reflection in the mirror and turned, biting her lip.

She inhaled and exhaled nervously and Jackson kissed her lips and whispered, "Relax."

April nodded and smiled and he led her from the room and down the stairs where Catherine was waiting for them.

**Please remember to review and thanks for reading! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Happy Thursday (even though there in no Grey's this week)! I hope you all have a great weekend. Please let me know what your thoughts are. I looked at my numbers and they have actually gone down as well as review so I am wondering if there is still interest…? I can't really tell. **

**So please let me know. I want to thank everyone who has reviewed or PMed me to let me know their thoughts. It has been very helpful and encouraging. **

**Enjoy!**

I Want This

Chapter 14

Jackson

Jackson and April entered the living room. Catherine was also slightly dressed up and Jackson was glad he and April had decided to change out of their jeans.

Jackson led April into the living room and Thomas asked what they wanted to drink. April looked at him confused and Jackson said, "I will have a beer and April will have a ..." he trailed off looking at April who said, "Club soda."

Jackson smiled and said, "Are you sure you don't want something stronger? You might need it with what we are going into. It may help you stay calm."

April nodded and looked at Thomas before saying, "Gin and Tonic, please."

Thomas smiled and walked away as Jackson trailed his hands up and down April's soft bare back.

The doorbell rang Jackson murmured, "Here we go."

April smiled at him and he leaned forward and pecked her lips as they stood.

A distinguished man entered and approached Jackson with a small smile, "Jackie, good to see you! And you must be his girlfriend I have been hearing about from Catherine."

"Grandpa, this is Dr. April Kepner," Jackson said proudly, "This is my grandfather, Harper Avery."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Avery," April said kindly, beaming at him.

"Dr. Kepner? What is your specialty?" he asked.

"Trauma, sir," April responded. Harper nodded and remained silent and Jackson could see April's smile fall slightly. He squeezed her hand and bit his lip from losing his patience on his grandfather.

"April is being wooed for a fellowship at Mass Gen," Jackson said, knowing that would impress him.

Harper's eyebrows popped up and said, "Well, you must make one hell of a surgeon, even if it is trauma."

Catherine chose that moment to enter the conversation and said, "Harper, how are you?" leaning forward and pecking his cheek.

Thomas also walked to Jackson and April to serve them their drinks and Jackson took that as his opportunity to turn April away from Harper and Catherine.

"He thinks every specialty besides cardio is a weak specialty, so don't listen to him," Jackson said. April nodded and smiled and said, "It's fine. I'm fine."

Jackson smiled and nodded as the doorbell rang again. So far his grandfather had managed to insult April already and his sisters hadn't even arrived.

"Jackie!" came a loud squeal behind him. He turned and Janet was holding her hands out for a hug. Jackson smiled and walked to his sister and embraced her.

He pulled away and said, "You look good, Janet."

She smiled and her eyes focused on April. Jackson turned and said, "This is April. April, this is my sister Janet."

"I am a cardiothoracic surgeon at Mass Gen. I heard you have an interview tomorrow. Very impressive program, so good luck." Janet said, shaking April's hand.

April smiled and said, "Nice to meet you."

Janet turned back to Jackson and asked, "So how was your first day back?"

April

April was determined to keep her smile on her face. So many Avery's in this room right now and it was shocking to say that Jackson was the only comfort to her. Well, Jackson and the drink in her hand.

Harper was just plain intimidating and Janet was nice, but she looked at April as if she was an intruder. April had never understood why it was a big deal to meet the family, but now she did.

April took a long sip of her drink as the doorbell rang once more and Jackson and Janet stopped talking about some gala they would need to go to. A carbon copy of Catherine Avery walked in and walked straight towards Harper and shook his hand in greeting. Jackson turned and said, "Come on, we are going to go meet Cynthia."

Janet was with the rest of the family and Jackson walked over and held April's hand as he said, "Cynthia, this is Dr. April Kepner, April this is Cynthia."

"Doctor?" Cynthia said in surprise, "What is your specialty?" She sounded exactly like Harper.

"I am a trauma surgeon," April answered politely and Cynthia raised an eyebrow and a smirk appeared on her face.

April blushed and Jackson said, "Cynthia is also a cardio surgeon, but she works at the Brigham." April squeezed his hand to remind him to stay calm. He could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves.

"Very nice to meet you, Cynthia," April said, extending her hand which Cynthia took.

"What brings you to Boston, Jackie?" Cynthia asked.

"April has a fellowship interview with Mass Gen. We are also just seeing Boston for a few days," Jackson answered.

Cynthia nodded and that was when Paige entered the living room and said, "Dinner is served."

They all walked into the dining room, which was gorgeously laid out for dinner. There were beautiful candles and flowers down the center of the table and Jackson pulled April to one side of the table with him as his sisters sat across from him. Harper and Catherine took the heads of the table.

Jackson and Harper waited until all the women were seated and then sat. Soon afterwards, Paige brought out their plates and they immediately began eating.

April was eating her salad when Harper asked, "How did you choose trauma, Dr. Kepner?"

"I originally wanted to be a neurosurgeon, but when there was a trauma certification seminar in our fourth year, I did impressively well and the head of trauma said I would excel in that program," April answered, taking a sip of her gin and tonic.

Harper nodded and said, "Neurosurgery is for doctors who are focused and extremely organized. In my opinion, it is the exact opposite of trauma."

April considered his opinion and looked at Jackson who was tight lipped and then over to his sisters who looked as if they were restraining themselves.

April took another sip of her drink and Jackson reached under the table for her hand and held it in his own.

"I couldn't do trauma," Catherine said, in an attempt to ease the tension. "It is such chaos. It took all my patience to get through the ER rotations when I was in residency."

Jackson nodded and said, "April has been amazing in streamlining trauma at Sloan Grace. We recently had a massive trauma and intake for all patients was less than twenty five minutes."

Harper, Catherine, Cynthia, and Janet all looked impressed and April smiled modestly and felt herself blush.

"Honey, that is remarkable! Have you reported those numbers to the foundation Jackson?" Catherine asked.

Jackson nodded and said, "They were happy we ended up opening our trauma doors back up with numbers like that. Soon we will be number one in the country. April was a big factor in our success."

Jackson squeezed her hand under the table and she smiled at him and thought, '_He is definitely getting some later tonight.'_

Janet cleared her throat and said, "April, maybe I can join you, Dr. Lillemoe and Dr. DeMoya for lunch."

April smiled and said, "I don't want you to take time out of your day."

"It would be no bother," she said, her smile kind.

April nodded and the awkward silence fell once more on the table until Cynthia asked, "Jackson, how is plastics treating you?"

"It's good. Very interesting," Jackson said, telling them about a recent surgery that was very cutting edge for the field. He had been contacted by several magazines and journals, but he had turned them down because he didn't want his success to be associated with his name.

"Those hands could have been wonderful for cardio," his sister said sadly, looking at Jackson's hands across the table as if they were wasted.

"Jackson is an artist," April blurted out, somewhat aggressively.

Everyone focused on her and she blushed. Jackson was amused, but everyone else looked confused.

"People come to Jackson to feel better and when they leave, they feel so much better about themselves. Plastics isn't a soft specialty. Jackson is healing both the body _and_ the mind. It is very impressive," April said.

Harper smiled in amusement and said, "You better hang on to this one Jackie. She seems to like you."

Jackson only smiled and focused down at his food, taking a bite of his sirloin.

"Urology has always been considered a soft field, but I find people come to me for what they perceive as a little problem. After I perform their surgery, they realize how much it impacted their life. I was skeptical of Jackson's decision in plastics at first, but I see he _is _an artist. My baby sculpts people into the best versions of themselves," Catherine said proudly as she looked at Jackson.

Jackson's ears were bright red and April realized he was blushing. She wanted to reach over and rub them, but she resisted. She chuckled into her drink and he placed his hand on her thigh and squeezed it gently.

April smiled at him and took a bite of her glazed carrots.

"Well, now we know what you think of plastics, Dr. Kepner, so how do you feel about cardio?" Harper asked with a smirk.

"You are all impossible!" April said in false exasperated tone and all three cardio surgeons were laughing.

Jackson and Catherine laughed too and April felt the tension begin to ebb away. "All cardio doctors have God complexes and you hog _all _the clamps."

April smiled as they all continued to laugh and Jackson looked at her in amusement and pride. Paige walked in the dining room to take plates away as the laughing quieted down. Jackson had been right about this gin and tonic. It was making April feel a little more at ease and she was glad that she had it because it gave her the liquid courage she needed in order for her to speak up.

Paige brought out a tray of fruit sorbet and April suppressed a moan at the delicious, tart taste. "This dinner was delicious, Catherine."

"Well, you can thank Paige," Catherine said with a smile, "She did it all. I swear she runs my house better than I do."

April smiled and so did everyone else as they enjoyed their dessert.

"There is an event tomorrow night if you and April are interested, Jackie," Harper said.

Jackson shook his head and said, "We already have the entire trip planned."

Harper nodded and continued eating their sorbet. "Maybe next time you are in town," he said.

Jackson nodded and looked to April who only smiled and looked down into her empty sorbet dish.

"Well," Harper said, standing, "It has been a delightful evening Catherine, thank you."

Cynthia stood and said, "If you are going that way, I will drive with you." Harper nodded and Cynthia extended her hand to April who took it. "Nice to meet you, April." April nodded and looked to Harper who also extended his hand to shake. "April, it was a pleasure to meet you. Good luck at your interview tomorrow."

April smiled and said, "Thank you, it was nice meeting you too, Dr. Avery."

Harper shook her hand and chuckled lightly once more before he said, "Good evening everyone." With that he walked out of the room with Cynthia on his heels and out of the townhouse. It wasn't until the front door shut that Catherine cackled in delight and said, "Kepner, baby, you are entirely too much."

She looked at Catherine and asked, "What?"

"I have never seen Harper Sr. so charmed," Catherine said laughing.

"He was laughing his head off!" Janet said as she laughed.

April thought back and couldn't remember that. He laughed at her cardio cracks, but she hadn't remembered it being particularly enthusiastic. She remained silent though and kept a small smile on her face as Jackson pulled her chair closer to his and wrapped his arm around her.

"You wooed him, just like you will tomorrow," he said, kissing her cheek.

April smiled and Janet said, "You may be Avery material after all."

April blushed and Jackson said, "Janet, jeez, slow down."

Janet and Catherine chuckled while April blushed and Jackson took a sip of her gin and tonic that was already pretty much gone.

Jackson

Jackson practically dragged April back to his room after Janet left and Catherine said she was going to bed.

April had been...incredible when it came to meeting his family. She held her own and even defended his specialty to them, which he hadn't even bothered to do. She had been confident and charming. Even the great Harper Avery Sr. had been enchanted by his April.

The minute they were in his room, he closed the door and pinned April against it, kissing her hungrily. She gasped and returned the kiss, gripping his shoulders. Jackson groaned and rubbed against her. She felt so good. So soft.

"You were amazing tonight," he said between kisses.

April asked, "Really?"

"Uh, yeah, my grandfather probably wants you for his third wife and my sisters were impressed. When they are quiet you know you have thrown them for a loop," Jackson said, kissing down her neck as he began to walk backwards towards his bed, pulling her with him.

April gasped as Jackson placed his mouth over the place on her neck that met her shoulder and shuddered in his arms. Jackson reached his hand to the back of her dress and unzipped it, pulling it off.

He looked down at her and placed his hands on her hips as he took her in. She was wearing lacy panties and a strapless bra and Jackson licked his lips as he looked back up at her. "You are beautiful, April," he whispered, rubbing her hips.

April blushed and he kissed her stomach and up to her breasts. April ran her nails up his shoulders and neck, then into his hair as goosebumps spread through his body. He pulled her to straddle his lap as he impatiently groaned.

"April," he said, looking up into her hazel eyes, dark with lust. Her hips grinded on his own and Jackson clenched his teeth as he held her hips. Jackson stood, placing April on the bed as he began to get undressed quickly. He rid himself of his pants and sweater and then moved to the bed once more.

April was lying down now, looking up at him and Jackson climbed over her, claiming her lips in a heated kiss once more as he looked down her body.

April arched her back off the bed to brush against his and Jackson exhaled.

Jackson broke the kiss and panted in need. "April, I need..."

April put her hand over his lips and nodded, pushing his boxers down with her hands, running her fingers along his ass, then digging them in. Jackson groaned and quickly rid her of her bra and her panties and thrust deep and fast inside of her, causing her to moan out. Jackson smiled and when April saw she covered her mouth, looking at the door in fear.

"She could come in any minute," Jackson whispered in her ear. April bit her lip and glanced back in Jackson's eyes, a mixture of lust and mortification in them.

"She could come in and see you with your legs wrapped around me, me...doing this," he groaned out, placing his finger over her clit as he thrust harder into her. April's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she gasped in pleasure.

"I don't think I locked the door," Jackson whispered as he leaned his head down to her neck, and kissed the spot on her neck that he knew made her shiver. Jackson smiled as he felt her shudder.

"Baby, you can call out my name," he said, kissing his way up to her lips. She shook her head, her eyes glancing over at the door worriedly.

Jackson slowed his movements and April whimpered against his lips. Jackson took the opportunity to slip his tongue in her mouth and enjoy her soft lips against his own. April bucked her hips against his desperately as he rolled his hips against hers slowly.

"She can probably hear us," he whispered, "Fucking."

April whimpered and slowed her hips as Jackson rested inside of her, allowing himself to feel her. "Jackson, I want to be on top," April whispered.

Jackson rolled them and let her ride him and he groaned as she relentlessly worked him. Jackson was entranced by her breasts, bouncing up and down with each undulation. He sat up and kissed them and April panted excitedly as he laved at each nipple and rolled it in his mouth. April bounced on top of him as Jackson thrust up. He kissed along her collarbone and April moaned and Jackson whispered, "That's right, baby. Call out for me."

April shook her head and Jackson repositioned them so he was on top of her again. He hooked her legs over his forearms and thrust into her deeply. She had no idea how fucking incredible she felt. She was so...so tight. Only used to him. And he loved that April was coating his cock in her warm passion.

"April," he whispered, looked down into her face.

She immediately opened her eyes and focused on him. She choked back a noise and Jackson could feel she was incredibly close. "Come on honey, come for me," he whispered.

At his command she arched her back, and opened her mouth in a silent scream, and her nails dug into his back as she shook with her orgasm. Jackson pumped, one. Two. Three times before swelling inside of her and spilling into her, grunting as he finished.

Jackson rolled off of her, his muscles shaking and his breathing ragged. April had given him quite the workout. He was pretty sure he would be sore in the morning.

They both breathed heavily, shining with a fresh sheen of sweat from their lovemaking.

When she caught her breath, she said, "I am not having sex with you while we are here anymore."

Jackson chuckled and rolled on his side, facing her.

"Why?" he said with a pout as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"You tried to get me to wake up the whole house," she accused, shooting him an exasperated smile on her face.

"I was just trying to get you going, and it worked too, Maybe be will have sex in lots of public places," Jackson wondered aloud.

April laughed and shook her head in disbelief.

"You were remarkable," he murmured, leaning forward and kissing her shoulder.

April smiled and said, "You too. I liked that...position you did in the end."

Jackson raised his eyebrows and said, "Noted," with a smile.

April blushed and said, "I need to sleep," as she yawned. Jackson got up and turned the light off and pulled the covers down as April climbed in.

He curled around her and wrapped her in his arms. He kissed her and said, "You are going to be so great tomorrow."

She was quiet and Jackson knew she wasn't sure how tomorrow would go. But he did. Anyone who didn't want April Kepner was only cheating themselves.

Jackson nuzzled his nose into her hair and moaned. She smelled amazing. Like her, but also like him and sex. Jackson's body was humming in satisfaction and pleasure as he cuddled her and soon he felt her fall asleep, exhausted after their long day.

April

April woke up to a slight movement behind her. At first she didn't remember her surroundings, but she smiled as she remembered that she was in Jackson's arms in his childhood bedroom. She felt the movement again, but this time it caught her attention. Jackson was rubbing his erection into her backside and making little grunting noises in his sleep.

April smiled, rolling over to wake him up and act out what his dreams had been about when he sleepily murmured, "Lexie."

April froze, a look of horror on her face as he thrust again, hitting her hip this time. She sat up, holding her hand over her mouth as she looked down at Jackson in horror and disgust.

April threw a towel around her body and walked to the bathroom. She began the shower and sat on the edge of the tub, her hand still over her mouth. Her eyes began to water and she choked back a sob. She shook her head desperately and a voice inside her said,_ 'Keep it together, Kepner. Focus on your interview.'_

April took deep breaths and exhaled slowly and she felt better. She discarded her towel and stepped into the steaming shower and began to clean herself, trying to focus on anything but how much Jackson just hurt her. What did it mean? Was he still not over her? Did he still desire someone like her? Was April just the consolation prize? She knew Jackson cared for her, even loved her, but he had loved Lexie too. And April didn't want to be anyone's second pick.

April finished in the shower and got out. She rubbed the steam off the mirror and as she met her own gaze she couldn't help but tear up slightly. She shook her head and softly demanded, "No more, Kepner. Those are your last tears today."

April breathed in and out until she felt like she was in control once more and began brushing her teeth. She finished in the bathroom and crept across the hall and into Jackson's room once more. She avoided looking at his slumbering figure and grabbed for her cell phone and switched off the alarm.

April was now going to be early, but that was good. She decided to grab some breakfast before her interview. She just needed to get out of this bedroom before Jackson woke up. This was a big day for her and April didn't want to get upset before her interview.

She quickly picked up her dress suit and tiptoed back over to the bathroom with her toiletries. Twenty minutes later, she was ready. April put her pajamas on top of her suitcase along with her toiletries and then grabbed her purse. She walked through the house silently, and then slipped out. April walked a few blocks as she dialed a cab company.

She asked the cab to pick her up outside a little bagel shop. April grabbed a coffee and a bagel and just as she was walking out of the shop, the cab pulled up.

**Jackson is in deep shit! Eek! Anyway, remember to review! Thanks!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Morning everyone! I decided to treat you to a Saturday chapter! I want to thank you all for the encouragement you all sent my way after last chapter. It has kept me motivated to keep on writing this story.**

**So please enjoy and remember to keep letting me know what you all think. I am a needy writer and I have no shame admitting it! **

I Want This

Chapter 15

Jackson

Jackson felt the sun stream through the blinds and rolled over and yawned as he stretched. He sat up quickly and felt April's empty side of the bed and looked at the time. 9:45AM. He listened for her and realized she must have already left. Like an hour ago. Jackson frowned in confusion. He hadn't even heard her alarm go off.

Jackson climbed out of bed and went to his suitcase and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before walking downstairs and into the kitchen.

His mother was going through the paper and looked up as she sipped her coffee.

"Morning, baby. April get off okay? I arranged for Liam to drive her, but he said she was gone by the time he got here," Catherine said.

Jackson looked down into his coffee in confusion. That must have been really early. Why would she leave the house that early?

Paige entered the kitchen holding a laundry basket and said, "I have some breakfast for you, Jackson."

Jackson smiled and Catherine looked over at him and asked, "I didn't hear anything last night. Not a sound."

Jackson smirked and shook his head at her in disbelief. She was so inappropriate.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" he asked.

"I cleared all my procedures yesterday and today so I could spend time with you and April," she said taking a bite of her grapefruit.

Paige entered the kitchen and began loading things on the counter. He felt somewhat bad that she was going to cook for him, but at the same time he wanted some good breakfast. April had burned all his energy the night before and he needed food to get his energy back up so they could go again.

"So, what is your plan if April gets this job? Or one of the other fellowships? Would you move to be with her? Will she stay in Seattle?" Catherine asked.

"We haven't really talked about it," Jackson said as Paige slid eggs benedict at him with a side of fruit. Jackson's stomach grumbled and he smiled at Paige and said, "That looks delicious. Thank you."

Paige smiled proudly and walked out of the kitchen.

"Well, you need to," Catherine said, "Talk about it, I mean."

"I know. April has brought it up, but I told her I couldn't. Not when we are just getting back together and happy. I just...I don't want to ruin where we are right now with such a serious conversation."

Catherine gave him a sympathetic look and nodded in understanding. She reached for his hand and said, "Baby, you can't bury your head in the sand. You need to deal with this. Has Sloan Grace made her an offer?"

Jackson nodded and said, "They have."

"Have they upped their offer since new programs are stepping forward to entice April?" Catherine asked carefully.

Jackson shrugged and replied, "I have been trying to stay out of that because...l would make it personal. I told Hunt he was the head of surgery and it was his job to do the staff surgery as he saw fit."

Catherine smiled at Jackson and said, "Baby, I am proud of you. I knew you would be a good at this."

Jackson shrugged, but he was glad that she recognized he was doing his best.

He finished his breakfast and washed his plated before setting it in the dishwasher. He then sat back down and said, "I think I am gonna call some people to see who wants to go to the game tomorrow."

Catherine nodded and said, "Okay, baby. We will go to lunch when you are ready."

Jackson nodded and kissed her cheek before heading upstairs. Jackson lay on his bed, a small smile appearing on his lips as he remembered April last night. He grabbed her pillow and put it over his face and inhaled. It smelled faintly of her.

He sat up and reached for his phone to see if she had texted him. Nothing. He frowned and he immediately felt clingy..._why isn't she calling?_ he could practically hear himself whining. Jackson rolled his eyes and then called his friend Trey.

Trey Crawford had been his oldest high school friend and Jackson wouldn't mind catching up with him for a game and maybe a beer afterwards. Trey worked in his father's company here in Boston. He was another legacy from a well-known Boston family, so they got along and got where each other came from.

Trey answered and after catching up for ten minutes, they agreed to meet before the game for lunch and then go to the game. Jackson hung up and then lay in his bed for a couple minutes wondering if he should text April to see how it was going, but decided against it.

Jackson got up and walked to the shower and climbed in. He scrubbed and scrubbed, wondering how long April's interview was going to take. When he had his fellowship interviews, some would take a half hour and some would take the entire day.

Jackson was almost as nervous as April and they weren't even his interviews. His mother's conversation floated through his head. He wondered if he could move...Jackson thought about it. He had 51% of the vote on the board. That meant for any decision, they would need to contact him. It would be a nightmare for the remaining board members and a nightmare for him if he decided to get a job wherever April was. No, he was going to have to stay in Seattle. He supposed that they were going to have to try and make it work if April chose to go somewhere other than Sloan Grace for her fellowship.

It wasn't ideal, but couples got through these things all the time. And it wasn't as if April and Jackson were two high schoolers going away to college. They were two deeply committed adults who loved each other. They had been through so much, Jackson knew they could get through a temporary situation. Planes flew cross country all the time.

Jackson had to slow his thoughts down. April hadn't even chosen or even been to the other interviews. He finished in the shower and turned it off as he stepped out.

"Mom?!" he called out.

"Yes, baby?" she called from somewhere on the floor below.

"Is April back yet?" he asked, making sure his towel was wrapped around his waist.

"No, not yet," she called, a slight chuckle following her answer.

"You haven't heard anything from her?" he asked.

"No, baby, and if you want to keep asking questions you can come down here so I down have to shout until my voice is hoarse," she called out.

Jackson rolled his eyes and went to his room. He changed into jeans and a polo and walked downstairs as he put his watch on. He fiddled with his phone, giving into temptation, texting her to see how it was going.

His phone rang and he groaned as he looked down and saw it was Callie. If this was about some proposal he was going to snap. "Hey Callie."

"So? How did she do?" Callie asked nervously, "I noticed she wasn't answering her calls."

"She isn't back yet," Jackson said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Really? Well that's got to be a good sign," Callie said excitedly.

"Yeah," Jackson said.

"I hear you pouting through the phone Avery, work on your poker face before she gets back," Callie said, chuckling.

Jackson hung up and found his mom in her office looking over what looked like grant proposals for the foundation.

"Still want to head out to lunch?" he asked.

Catherine beamed and said, "Sure, baby."

She stood and said, "Italian? Bella Vita?"

Jackson nodded and smiled and followed her out. She spotted Liam and told him where they wanted to go. Jackson had sold his car when he moved to Seattle and he knew his mother didn't like driving that much anymore, so he went with it.

April

April shook Dr. DeMoya's hand and said, "It was a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to show me around. Your program is very impressive."

"We hope you are seriously considering us for your fellowship, Dr. Kepner," he said kindly. April nodded and said, "I would be honored to do it here. I will let you know my decision in a few weeks' time."

He nodded and she walked outside and waved a cab down. She climbed in and began to give them Catherine's address, but asked, "Is there a place I can...uh go to think for a bit...that you know of?"

The cab driver looked at her in the rearview mirror in confusion and she smiled and said, "Sorry, I am just not used to this city and I need to go somewhere to get my mind off today."

The cabbie nodded and said, "I know what you need. Hang on."

April smiled nervously, hoping he wasn't taking her somewhere to murder her, but tried to relax and experience what it was like without a plan.

When he stopped she looked where she was. She was at the harbor and she just saw something called a Duck tour. "Where...is here?"

The cabbie pointed to a large yellow boat that said 'Duck Tours' on the side of it. April smiled and said, "Thanks." She got out after paying the cab some cash. Maybe this was a local treasure...or a best kept secret?

April paid her admission and took a seat on this large, ridiculous boat, trying to relax.

Was Boston known for their duck species and/or population? April listened as the tour began and realized that the boat she was on was often called a Duck boat because it could go on land or water...how interesting. This tour took the tourists around the Boston waterways for a city tour.

April relaxed in her seat and zoned out, not paying attention, looking at the beautiful city skyline around her. She closed her eyes. April's interview had gone great. Dr. DeMoya was very impressed with her credentials and references.

It had been her best performance yet. The whole time she worried how she would talk to Jackson about what would happen this morning, but she didn't let it affect how she came off in the interview. April didn't want to fight. Not at all. But she couldn't ignore it either. She needed to find out what it meant. And she needed to tell Jackson how it made her feel, even if he didn't intend to hurt her.

April sighed, feeling a little better now that she had a plan and rested her head against the side of the boat and peered out the window. The sun was beginning to set and April smiled. She could live here. Easily. It was a beautiful city. And the cabbie had been right. This was exactly what she had needed.

Jackson

"Thank you Dr. DeMoya. I am sure she will be along any minute," Catherine said as Jackson paced the living room frantically. The sun had just set and April still had not returned.

"What if something happened?" Jackson said anxiously, looking at his watch again, after his mother hung up the phone.

"Jackson, I am sure she is fine, just sit down and take a deep breath. You are making me a nervous wreck," she said, sounding annoyed.

Jackson thought about all the bad things that could have gone wrong and he felt dread sweep through his body. Boston could be a rough town if it wanted to be.

The doorbell rang and Jackson sprinted to it, jerking it open roughly. He practically sobbed in relief and clutched April to him, knocking the wind out of her.

"Are you okay? Where the hell have you been?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"I uh...just needed to clear my head after the day I had," she said, giving him a small smile as a means of apology.

Catherine rounded the corner and April disentangled herself from him as Catherine said, "He has been a pain all day, my dear. Don't do that to him or me again!"

April laughed and Catherine wrapped her arm around April and guided her in the living room leaving Jackson behind, asking about her interview.

"It went _really _good. Dr. DeMoya, the head of trauma...he is just inspiring. I feel like there is so much he could teach me." April said, smiling brightly.

Jackson, whose heart was still racing as it processed that April was safe and okay, shut the front door and followed them into the living room. April sat on the sofa with Catherine and Jackson sat in one of the armchairs. He wished his mother would let him sit near her. He was still on edge and he knew touching April would calm him.

He exhaled and rubbed his face, trying to erase the terrible things that had gone through his mind moments ago, and listened to April talk about her interview.

"Why was your phone off?" Jackson interrupted.

"I had it turned off for my interview and must have forgotten to turn it back on," April said coolly, not meeting his gaze. Something was off with her. Jackson knew it because he knew her. She didn't lie well, especially to her friends or to him.

Apparently his mother noticed it too, grabbing April's attention and asking, "So did you get a chance to see Janet today at lunch?"

April shook her head and said, "She had contacted Dr. DeMoya and Dr. Lillemoe to tell them that she had to rush to emergency surgery on one of her patients and wouldn't be able to make it."

Catherine waved her hand and said, "Well there will be another time for that."

April nodded and Jackson said, "Are you hungry? Have you eaten?"

April nodded, looking at her watch, and saying, "Yeah, it has been awhile since I had lunch."

Catherine said, "Oh babies, I would love to go, but I am exhausted and I still have to get through some grant proposals before tomorrow. You go on without me."

"I think I am going to change into something less formal. I'll be right back down." April said, walking towards the stairs. Jackson and Catherine listened for his bedroom door to close.

"I told you she was okay," Catherine said, chuckling as she regarded him.

"She seems...off," Jackson said, his eyes rose towards where April was.

"Honey, she just had a long day. It will be good for you both to have some alone time together," Catherine reassured him.

April descended the stairs, dressed in casual jeans, a pretty Kelly green shirt, and her soft brown leather jacket. She wore comfy flats and her hair was brushed out and down.

April walked back into the living room, looking to Jackson as she walked towards him. He held his hand out for hers. April took it, but he could feel that her grip was off. Almost like she didn't want to hold his hand.

Jackson gave her a confused look and she gave him a small smile before saying goodbye to Catherine. They walked out the door and Jackson said, "There is a really good place a few blocks up. Do you wanna walk?"

April nodded and he asked, "What happened today? Really? Was it your interview?"

April shook her head and said, "Can we...can we stop and sit?"

Jackson stopped and nodded, looking to the front steps of one of the neighbors. He sat down and April sat next to him. They wouldn't care. He waited for her to talk to him, knowing she didn't want to be pushed.

"This morning I woke up and...and you said Lexie's name in your sleep. And you were... r-rubbing yourself on me," April said looking down at their entwined hands.

Jackson inhaled sharply and coughed in embarrassment.

"I-I I umm...fuck I don't even know what to say," he said, embarrassed, his mind reeling.

April nodded and said, "Yeah, that's what my reaction was too."

"April, I-"

She held up her hand and said, "I know you loved her. I know that she was very special to you and I don't blame you for that. I am not mad. It _did _hurt me, but I kind of get it."

Jackson's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, not knowing what to say. Why wasn't his brain working?

"April, you should know that I don't even...remember...anything about that or why it happened. I don't know why that happened, but I am so sorry," he said, tightening his grip on her hand to emphasize how sorry he was.

"So, do..do you still...like love her? I mean, am I a way for you to get over her? Like a second choice?" April asked and Jackson was horrified. He closed his eyes and pulled his hand away from her and covered his face with his hands.

"April, God, no. Not at all," he said, angling his body towards hers as he looked at her. He grabbed both of her hands and thought of the best way to put what he needed to say.

"April...Lexie was special to me and I thought I loved her. I wanted what Mark and Lexie had and I thought that if I was with Lexie, I could have that. Lexie and I...I was there for her when she needed to see if what she felt for Mark was real. I wanted a relationship that consisted of more than sex and I thought that was what Lexie was. More than sex. It was only sex to Lexie, even though she tried time and again to say it was."

"I knew, long before I even started sleeping with Lexie that she would always see Mark as her soul mate, but I chose to ignore it, hoping whatever we had would eventually transform into what they had. It was...desperate and incredibly sad. I thought I would never find what they had," Jackson admitted.

April looked down, a small frown on her face. Jackson put his finger under her chin and gently lifted her face to meet his gaze, "I did find it though, April...with you. I feel like we are actually closer than they ever were. We have been friends so much longer and you mean more to me than Lexie ever did."

April let two tears spill down her cheeks and Jackson wiped them away. "April, I love you. And I mean it when I tell you that when I was with Lexie, I didn't know it could be like this. This with you is...I want this. More than anything. And I love you. I am sorry I hurt you. I never want to hurt you."

Aril was now crying, hiccupping back sobs and Jackson cupped her face in his hands. April leaned forward and Jackson quickly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to sit in his lap. He kissed her forehead and then nuzzled her neck with his nose.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again.

April shook her head and said, "You just said...the perfect thing."

He gave her a small smile and they just sat there for a few moments as Jackson rubbed her back and kissed her temple.

They were brought out of it by April's stomach rumbling and Jackson laughed. "Come on, let's go eat."

He helped April stand before taking her hand. This time her grip was just right and Jackson smiled as he walked and asked her in depth about the interview.

As they sat at the restaurant, he listened as she began to worry about getting her certification in Surgical Critical Care. She seemed taken with Dr. DeMoya, convinced that he could make her who she wanted to be as a trauma surgeon.

"You have a few more people to meet, so see what they all have to offer then make your decision," he said, squeezing her hand. April smiled and he asked, "So where did you go after your interview?"

April smiled and then looked at her watch, "If we leave now, I can show you."

He smiled and they paid the check then left. April waved down a cab and they climbed in. Jackson was surprised when she gave an address near the harbor and he sat back, waiting to see where she had gone on her own today when she didn't know Boston.

They arrived and Jackson laughed when he saw where she had gone. "The Duck tours? Really?" he asked, skeptical.

She nodded and April tugged his arm. As a native Boston he had never been on the Duck tour. April began to pay for the tickets, but he stepped forward and paid. He then took her hand and led her onto the strange boat.

It was actually kind of romantic. It was dimly lit with strings of lights. They sat together, cuddled up as the tour began. The night lights of Boston glittering off the surface of the water. April and Jackson would occasionally kiss throughout the tour and Jackson couldn't wait to get home.

April was completely relaxed against him and was wrapped in his arms. There was a group of teenage girls looking back at them and giggling every once in a while at their PDA and a few tourists. There was also an elderly couple at the front of the boat and Jackson wondered if they were locals. He looked down at April whose eyes were hooded and relaxed as she looked out at the water. He then looked back at the old couple and gave a small smile. Maybe if he was lucky, that would be him and April in fifty years.

**Thanks again for reading everyone and please keep up with the amazing reviews!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi everybody! So sad there is no new Grey's, especially since I think the next ep will definitely feature sparks flying between April and Jackson (though I am not sure they will be all good...?). I can't wait! Anyway, here is the next chapter and I hope you all enjoy!**

I Want This

Chapter 16

Jackson

Jackson kissed the top of April's head and whispered, "Wake up baby, we are landing."

April stirred against his shoulder. She had slept the entire plane trip. She yawned and stretched, looking out the plane window as the plane got closer and closer to the ground. April entwined her hand with his and her other hand gripped the armrest in preparation for touchdown.

Jackson held her hand tightly and pressed it to his chest. When they landed and then slowed down on the taxiway, April loosened her grip and then smiled at Jackson in relief.

"Home sweet home," she said.

Jackson and April made their way through the airport. They grabbed a cab and went to April's first. She grabbed her suitcase and then kissed Jackson softly before turning to her apartment. She walked in as Jackson watched from the cab. He wanted to follow her, but he knew she needed to relax after their trip and he needed to get back and shower and change before his board meeting that evening.

Jackson paid the cab driver and walked up to his apartment. He threw his bags on the floor and made his way to the bedroom. He didn't need to dress up for the board meeting so he set out a fresh casual change of clothes and then went to the shower to clean up.

He climbed out of the shower and quickly changed. What he wanted was to go to April's and have dinner and relax, but apparently this whole Bailey mess needed to be dealt with further and a few other items.

Jackson grabbed his keys and headed out to the door.

April

April unpacked and did her laundry. She then sat down and wrote Dr. DeMoya and Dr. Lillimoe to thank them for the interview and also sent a thank you to Catherine for hosting her over the weekend. She put it in her mailbox and then went inside to check her email.

April exhaled as she looked through her emails and found a couple more from potential fellowship opportunities. She looked over the NY Presbyterian offer. They had upped their offer and it now matched the other three. April added it back to the list, writing down the number for them to call. She needed to stop adding to her list.

April then went back into her email and her jaw dropped. Case Western wanted her as well now. They had withdrawn their offer the first time she hadn't passed her boards. She wanted to hold a grudge, but she couldn't. It was in April's home state and it had always been her dream to go there, not to mention it was an extremely prestigious hospital.

She added their number to the list of people to call and then got up to try and find something to eat. April found chips and even though she shouldn't, she grabbed them and began snacking on them as she called the numbers backs.

She got ahold of the NY Presbyterian doctor who said he would be pleased to have her fly out and visit their facility at her earliest convenience. April scheduled it and then called the Case Western doctor and left a message for him to call her back.

April finished her calls and decided she wouldn't add anymore to her list. As she looked at her updated list, it looked more and more like Sloan Grace wasn't going to make the cut. She couldn't justify wasting these opportunities, no matter how much she had grown to love Sloan Grace.

Her mind shot to Jackson and she bit her lip. He still didn't want to talk about it. She didn't either, but it was hard for her to make a decision when he wouldn't talk about it.

April wrapped the chips up and decided she needed to grab groceries for the rest of the week. She grabbed her keys and headed out to the grocery store.

Jackson

Jackson rubbed his face in frustration.

They had finished a game plan for how to handle Bailey and the CDC. Now they were discussing April and the other residents being offered fellowships. April was the biggest concern and not just to Jackson.

"She has been offered three other positions," Hunt said.

"That we know of," Cristina murmured as she ate some pretzels.

"Charleston, Mass Gen, and UCLA want her badly. They have put together some truly beautiful packages to woo her away from us. What I need to know is how far you are willing to go to get her to stay," Hunt said, looking around at the board members.

"You are her mentor," Callie said, "What is she saying? Didn't we just swank out a new ER for her? How can she walk away so easily?"

"Jackson is dating her, what is she saying?" Meredith asked, looking at him.

"She is weighing her options carefully. Obviously she wants to stay here, but I think it is hard for her to turn down such incredible offers from such prestigious programs when we aren't offering her even close to what they are."

The silence that descended on the table was palpable and Jackson's heart froze. Were they going to match their offer?

"I have always seen something in Kepner that tells me we want her around," Derek said, looking around the table. "It was her vision that opened the ER doors back up and made it run as efficiently as any trauma one center in the country. That can't be ignored. If we invest in good doctors, Sloan Grace will succeed."

Most of the board members nodded in agreement with Derek, but Jackson was careful to keep a stoic expression. The doctors that didn't agree with Sheperd were Christina and Robbins. Robbins didn't have a lot of experience working with Kepner and she seemed indifferent about April staying or going.

Cristina...Jackson knew Cristina had grown fond of April, which didn't explain why she was frowning with a hint of anger in her eyes.

"Cristina?" Callie said, "You don't seem convinced."

"_Owen_ is the head of trauma and it is _Owen _and this board that made that ER possible. Not Kepner. She has become a part of the team here, I will admit that, but I feel like there is an elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge. The reason everyone is pulling for her to stay is because of Mr. 51% over there," Cristina said, gesturing towards Jackson.

Jackson inhaled deeply and scowled at Yang, "Have I said anything pro or con for April to stay? I have told Hunt from the beginning it was his call when it came to staffing surgery. I would like to point out that it was not Hunt that decided to reopen trauma. As a matter of fact, he was the one who allowed it to close. The board decided to open it," Jackson said angrily.

"Furthermore, it was April's notes on trauma equipment and suggested protocols and procedures that have made trauma efficient, not Hunt. No disrespect to Hunt, but he hasn't been focused on trauma because his efforts have been redirected as Chief of Surgery. Am I incorrect?" he asked, looking around the room.

Every doctor remained silent. "Here is what I will say regarding April Kepner. She is a terrific doctor, and trauma has been hers for quite some time since she implemented the protocols and procedures that have made it hers. She would be an asset to this hospital. That being said, I understand that my opinion is clearly biased, which is why I am more than willing to step out of this decision. Whatever you decide, I, Mr. 51%, will go along with it," he said, standing and grabbing his notes. He walked out of the room and went down to his office, slamming the door behind him.

Jackson sat down in his chair heavily, leaning his arms against the desk as the door cracked open and Derek walked in.

"She is just defensive when it comes to Owen. Cristina knows Kepner is the real force in trauma. They will up their bid," Derek said, sitting in front of his desk.

Jackson looked up and said, "I don't know what to do."

Derek looked confused and Jackson elaborated, "If she leaves... What happens to us? April has tried to begin this conversation with me, but I refuse to have it."

Derek chuckled, "If you don't have it, it won't happen?"

Jackson smirked and nodded.

"Well your options are limited, and so are hers. She needs to make the best decision for her. You need to do what is best for you. It's not easy, but it is simple," Derek said, "The hardest part will be deciding if what you have is worth fighting for."

Jackson looked down at his desk, as if it would give him the answer he needed. Jackson exhaled in frustration and looked up. "I am gonna head out I think. Is the board pretty much done?"

Derek nodded and said, "They were wrapping up when I left."

Jackson nodded and grabbed his things and said, "Thanks Shepherd."

Derek nodded and they walked out of the office together.

Jackson walked out to his car and began driving home. When he was stopped at a stoplight, he realized he had automatically driven towards April's apartment. He chuckled and continued to drive there.

April

April padded to the door and opened it after peeking out the peephole.

"Hey, I thought you were staying at your place after the meeting?" she said, a big smile on her face. She knew they had just spent four days together, but she was happy he was here. She had gotten used to him being around.

"I know, I was going home and then before I knew it, I was here." he said, shrugging adorably.

April smiled and stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly, murmuring, "Well get in here then."

Jackson smiled against her lips as she pulled him in by the collar.

"Have you eaten?" she asked, pulling away enough to look up at him.

Jackson smiled sheepishly and she rolled her eyes and said, "Come on."

April walked to the kitchen and said, "I just went to the grocery store, so you are in luck."

Jackson walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her and asked, "Need help?"

She shook her head and raised her hand to his cheek. "Trust me, it's not going to be anything special. Grilled cheese?"

Jackson nodded and said, "Perfect."

"Good, now go sit. And tell me about your meeting. Did it go okay?" she asked as she grabbed things from the fridge to make grilled cheese and some tomato soup. She listened as he began talking about the meeting. April finished the sandwiches and soup fairly quickly and quickly set it down on the table. Jackson served himself and thanked her and she only smiled.

He continued talking, mainly about Bailey, but he also he seemed hesitant to discuss anything else.

"You don't have to tell me things if you can't," April reassured him as she dipped part of her sandwich in her soup.

Jackson shrugged and said, "They were discussing what your plans were for your fellowship."

April nodded and said, "NY Presbyterian and Case Western are back in the game. They emailed me today, matching the offers of the other hospitals."

Jackson nodded and April could tell he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"I am flying out for New York at the beginning of next month if you want to come. I haven't heard back from Case Western yet."

Jackson nodded, his face focused on his food and mumbled, "I will check."

April nodded and asked, "How is Meredith doing? Is she getting more irritable now that the due date is so close?"

Jackson shook his head, his face relieved at the dropped subject and replied, "She seemed normal. A little opinionated for her, but normal."

April nodded, thinking about pregnancy and if she _had _been pregnant during the scare, would she be acting irritated and annoyed all the time? Crying at the drop of a hat? Have a sexually aroused phase? A nesting phase...who was she kidding? She would be nesting the entire pregnancy.

Jackson reached for her hand and April only then noticed he had been watching her for awhile.

"What were you just thinking about?" he asked quietly as his thumb rubbed against the back of her hand.

She shrugged and he just looked at her until she said, "It was nothing. Just thinking about this fellowship ordeal is all."

He looked at her skeptically, but she evaded the question by getting up and grabbing their now empty plates. "Did you get enough?" she asked.

He nodded and Jackson stood and said, "You go, I'll clean up since you cooked."

"We can do it together," April said stubbornly. It felt weird him cleaning her house, even if she had cooked for him.

Jackson dried as she washed and they established a good rhythm. They had always had a good rhythm when working with each other. It was most obvious in surgery. Their movements were fluid and perfectly in sync. They didn't even need to speak.

April knew of only one other place they were better and it was a place April blushed about. They finished and April said, "I am actually kind of worn out. Is it okay if we just sleep?"

Jackson nodded, his expression unreadable and April walked past him and out of the kitchen. She turned off all the lights in the apartment and made sure her door was locked and Jackson was already getting undressed in her room. She came in and rummaged for a nightie and quickly changed, snuggling into the bed.

Jackson rolled to his side so he was facing her and reached out and ran his fingers through her hair. His expression was unreadable because it jumped through emotions so fast. April grabbed his wrist and kissed her palm.

"What?" she whispered.

Jackson, closing his eyes as he debated whether he told her or not. He paused for a minute, before looking into her eyes and saying regretfully, "I don't want you to go."

April inhaled and she held his hand in her own. There wasn't really anything else to say. Except, "I don't want to leave you either...b-but," she couldn't finish her sentence as she looked to their joined hands and her eyes teared up.

Jackson scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her and whispered, "I know."

April let her tears fall and he kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back as she tried to control her tears. She looked up and could swear she saw Jackson's beautiful eyes a little misty.

Jackson

After he said it, he knew he couldn't take it back. He knew it was selfish, but it was the truth. He didn't want April to leave him. Ever.

She wept softly against his chest and Jackson knew she felt like she was in a hopeless situation. Because she was. She was in a hopeless situation and so was he. They had just found their way back to each other and they were being pulled apart.

Jackson held her tightly to him as if he could prevent her leaving...her being taken from him.

April calmed down and Jackson knew if he looked at her, he would cry too.

April's mouth was suddenly on his and he kissed her back urgently. They hadn't had sex since that first night in Boston. She hadn't been in the mood since the whole Lexie thing and he got it.

Now she was desperate. Urgent. Frantic. She kissed him and he responded as if they were literally running out of time. Jackson rolled them and pinned April's hips to the bed with his own, letting her feel his hardening length. She gasped, not releasing his lips from her own as her fingers creeped up and massaged his scalp, lightly running her nails along it causing him to shiver and groan.

April cradled his hips with her thighs and Jackson closed his eyes, feeling the soft skin of her inner thighs against his side.

April still had tears in her eyes, trailing down her face. Jackson just let her. He couldn't wipe his own away, so he would wipe hers away. Jackson helped April as she shimmied out of her underwear, moaning as she rubbed against him.

He desperately kissed down her neck and Jackson ground against her as he kissed his way down her neck, towards her chest. He roughly shoved his boxers down and kissed April forcefully as he pushed into her. April whimpered and Jackson swallowed it as he rested inside of her.

They both needed this. They needed one another.

April

April hitched her legs high on Jackson's hips as he pumped into her desperately. She was just as desperate as he was. Her nails digging in his back and ass, arching into him and clenching around him causing him to rumble in her ear. April gasped and panted in an effort to keep up with him. April pulled his lips to her mouth and kissed him hungrily.

April broke the kiss as she called out in ecstasy, white light bursting behind her eyes and traveling to each nerve ending in her body. She trembled in pleasure as she felt Jackson jerk and tense up on top of her as he roared out a release. Jackson rested his weight on her as he recovered. He breathed against her neck as he caught her breath and April stroked his back gently.

He pushed himself up slightly and kissed her gently eventually falling to the side. April snuggled into him as he pulled her to his side and he rubbed her back gently.

"Was I too rough?" he asked in concern.

April smiled and shook her head, "No, it was good. _Really _good."

Jackson chuckled and they remained quiet, just holding each other.

"I wondered how I would be if I had been pregnant. Moody, food cravings..." she murmured as she trailed off, "That's what I had been thinking about."

Jackson had frozen and she said, "Sorry, I know it's a weird thing to say."

Jackson remained silent for a few minutes and April knew telling him that was a mistake, especially after they had sex. He was probably freaking out right now, praying she was on birth control.

April's mind raced for something she could say, but Jackson surprised her by saying, "I really did want it, you know. When you said you were pregnant and I asked you to marry me...I wanted it. The whole thing. And not just because it happened by accident."

April looked up at him in shock and he couldn't meet her gaze.

"Who wouldn't want that? Marry their best friend? The woman they love...Have a family with them?" he said quietly.

April sat up and rested her elbows on her knees as what he said sunk in. "Why are you telling me this?" she asked

"You told me what you were thinking about the pregnancy and I...I wanted you to know. That it was more than a shotgun wedding I had in mind," he said.

April nodded and Jackson sat up and kissed her shoulder, "What?"

April looked at him and said, "You are just making this so much harder. You won't talk to me about the fellowships being offered to me...but you will talk to me about marriage...and babies. Are you trying to make this as complicated as it can possibly be?" she demanded, her voice accusatory.

Jackson looked like she had smacked him in the face. "Shit, April no. What? You think I would be that manipulative...to get you to stay?" he said angrily.

April looked down at her lap and was quiet and said, "I am sorry. That was unfair. I just...I am mad that we are so happy and now I have to leave. It's just unfair."

Jackson calmed down and pulled her down to lie on top of him, "April, I am mad too. And sad. But I am so happy with you. I love you. Whatever happens, we are going to make this work. Okay?" he asked gently.

April looked down at him with a small smile on her face and nodded. She leaned down and kissed him and Jackson wove his fingers in her hair and held her in place as he convinced her with his lips. April pulled away and said, "Now I really need to get some sleep."

He chuckled and she slid off of him and resituated herself next to him. She still was worried. She still was scared about what would happen to them. But she took comfort in the fact that she knew Jackson loved her and wanted her. And that he wanted to make this work, no matter where she ended up. So with that thought in mind and Jackson's arms around her, she fell asleep, listening to the steady beat of his heart under her ear.

**Do me a favor and drop me a review to let me know what you thought! Thanks for reading everyone!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi everyone! Only a few more days until GA comes back to us and I can't wait! So the end of this story is coming and I am wondering if I should pursue a sequel? Let me know if you want more!**

**Enjoy!**

I Want This

Chapter 17

Jackson

Jackson woke up and was pleasantly surprised that he had woken up before April. She looked so peaceful. Jackson ran his fingers through her hair gently so as not to wake her.

He regarded her for the longest time as she slept, counting each perfectly placed freckle on her nose, mesmerized by her thick auburn lashes that fanned out from her closed lids. Her smooth skin, high cheekbones...she was perfect. Beautiful. How had he gone so long without seeing her this way? All that time...blind to this hidden beauty.

Jackson loved the feel of her cheek against his chest, the weight of her arm across his abdomen, her hair fanning across his forearm and pillow. He loved the feel of her in his arms. He felt like nothing bad could ever happen if they just stayed this way.

His alarms suddenly sounded and he reached for his phone and shut it off as April yawned and stretched, peeking her eyes open at him.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked as she yawned.

"Not long," he said, "I have a meeting this morning."

April frowned and rolled so she was lying on top of him and whined, "No, don't leave me."

Jackson smiled up at her and held her face in his hands and whispered, "Never."

April smiled and Jackson felt his heart speed up at the sight. Seattle's elusive morning sun was streaming in the room and hitting April's hair so perfectly she looked like an angel, glowing in the morning light.

She leaned down and kissed him softly, peppering his lips and chin with soft kisses. She trailed them along his jaw and Jackson's eyes closed as she moved to his ear and bit it playfully and then sucked it into her mouth.

"April," he groaned, his hips bucking up on instinct.

April kissed down his neck and along his collarbone and said, "We have time."

"Not really," he murmured, but he made no move to stop her.

"Then we make it quick," she murmured against his skin, her voice throaty and full of lust.

Jackson nodded and April kissed down his abdomen, flicking her tongue in his belly button, before focusing on the V leading downward. She seemed to like the V because she spent a little extra time licking along them causing Jackson to pant in want.

As April took him into her mouth, Jackson couldn't suppress his sighs and grunts. Her mouth was so fucking good. Almost as good as being inside of her. She worked him, her skill improved since the first time. Jackson felt himself close and he needed her.

He firmly cupped the back of her head and April released him as he pulled her up to him and kissed her deeply.

"Come here," he said, reaching between them and feeling her. She wanted him. Badly.

Jackson gripped her hips and she nodded and straddled him, placing herself above him. The sight was beautiful. As she lowered her hips Jackson groaned out as April took him in. She moaned and Jackson massaged her hips.

She began rolling her hips and riding him at a maddening pace. April closed her eyes and angled her face towards the ceiling as her body took over. Jackson helped her with her movements and couldn't help thrusting deep inside of her. Jackson smiled when her breath would catch in her throat. He knew he had hit that spot inside of her that was so sweet.

April was now grinding on Jackson at a steady pace, seeking her release. Jackson was holding on, his toes squeezed and his jaw taut from clenching it. He was not coming before her. He wasn't a fourteen year old.

Jackson looked up at her; she was truly glorious. She was lost to her lust and there was a small smile full of wonder on her pink lips. Jackson put his hand on April's cheek, but she didn't even respond. Jackson knew if he opened his mouth he would scream out his release.

He caressed her cheek and it grabbed her attention. April looked down at him and as she focused her eyes, full of desire on his, she fell over the edge letting Jackson fall over with her finally. She arched her back and cried out and her body frozen for a moment before collapsing on top of him, breathing raggedly.

Jackson massaged her back, his own breathing labored. April rolled off of him and laid on her back, smiling with her eyes closed, her chest still heaving in attempt to catch its breath.

Jackson leaned over her and kissed her lips, "That was _definitely _worth being late for my meeting."

April smiled and kissed him deeply before releasing him and saying, "Go shower and get dressed."

Jackson nodded, pecked her lips once more, before climbing out of bed and heading towards the bathroom. He climbed in the hot shower and groaned as it soothed his hypersensitive muscles. They tingled still from his morning romp with April. He smiled as he scrubbed himself clean, thinking about her.

Jackson climbed out of the shower and walked out to the kitchen in his towel. April had already put his coffee in a to-go mug and bagged a bagel with cream cheese and an orange.

He smiled and walked up behind her. She was leaned over the counter as she read the paper and he said, "Thank you."

April looked over her shoulder and said, "You're welcome, baby. You better hurry or you are really going to be late."

Jackson went back to their room and smiled as he opened her closet to find all his clothes had been cleaned and hung up. Jackson grabbed a button down shirt and his black slacks. He quickly dressed and went to the kitchen, grabbing his keys, wallet and phone on the way.

April was eating a bowl of oatmeal and looked up at him and smiled, "You look handsome."

Jackson smiled and said, "I have a meeting with W.H.O. I better look good because I have no idea what they requested a meeting for."

April looked up in shock and stammered, "The W-world Health Organization? Oh my God! That is huge! Maybe they are recognizing your investments and wanting to help with research funding. Or setting up educational programs and grants…the possibilities are endless!"

Jackson smiled, trying to contain his excitement. He didn't want to get ahead of himself, but he _was_ excited. April stood and wrapped her arms around him. "Good luck, get going," she said, kissing him lightly.

Jackson pulled her a little closer to him and pressed his lips firmly to hers.

She smiled against his lips then pushed him away. "Go!"

Jackson smiled at her before grabbing his bagged lunch and walked out of her apartment.

April

April had been having a busy day. She had traumas all morning, and then she had a skills lab to instruct interns on standard emergency procedures. Most of the time had been instructed on how to intubate.

April walked into the lounge to grab her lunch and found Alex munching on it.

"Alex! That's mine!" she said in disbelief, snatching the food container out of his hands. He shrugged and leaned forward and grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl and took a bite out of that as April sat and began eating her lunch, he had only had a chance to eat a portion of it.

"I heard W.H.O. was here? Any idea what that was about?" Karev asked.

April shook her head and continued eating as Alex scoffed and said, "Yeah right, Jackson doesn't talk shop over pillow talk."

"When we are in bed, we aren't doing much talking," April said, blushing.

Alex looked at her in amusement and she quickly rephrased, "I meant we sleep. When we are in bed, we sleep."

Alex chuckled and said, "Maybe they will be recognizing my efforts with the Africa program."

April thought about it and decided he could be right. Alex's program was innovative and it was an amazing effort in saving the lives of children with diseases that had no chance of being treated in their parent countries.

April nodded and shrugged and said, "Could be."

Alex and April chatted as they ate lunch and when April was just finishing, her pager went off. She handed Alex the rest of her food which he gladly accepted as she dashed out of the lounge.

She made her way to administration with as much decorum as she could, but she was practically skipping.

April knocked on Jackson's open office door and entered. Dr. Hunt, Jackson, and a woman she had never seen before were standing inside and she paused and said, "Oh, I am sorry… I didn't mean to interrupt. I will wait outside."

"No, Dr. Kepner, please. This is Dr. Brigid Ekstrom from World Health Organization. Dr. Ekstrom, this is Dr. April Kepner, directing supervisor of our trauma unit," Dr. Hunt introduced, a proud look on his face.

April smiled and blushed and said, "It is a pleasure to meet you Dr. Ekstrom. I have read your work with Dr. Buyanjargal on essential emergency surgery in locations with limited resources. We recently developed similar procedure for Syrian physicians and I found your article extremely useful."

Dr. Ekstrom smiled kindly and said, "Thank you. I was just discussing that with Dr. Avery and Dr. Hunt. Apparently your work here has been very impressive."

April blushed, not believe her name had even come up.

April looked to Jackson and waited for him to say something. Something in his eyes was off.

Hunt took the conversation and said, "Dr. Kepner, there is a reason you were paged here. Please have a seat."

Jackson

Jackson was so proud of her and yet his heart hammered in his chest as Dr. Ekstrom spoke with April.

She looked so nervous. Her eyes shot to Hunt and Jackson and he could practically hear her wonder, Am_ I in trouble?_

"As you are probably aware, World Health Organization has partnered with Health Volunteers Overseas, HVO, specifically developing programs like the one you and Dr. Hunt have used to educate doctors from Syria. When we heard of the program, we immediately contacted Dr. Hunt."

Jackson knew what was coming because he had been discussing it for about an hour now with the other two doctors.

"WHO and HVO have partnered to provide countries that need emergency critical care training by recruiting doctors who have the necessary skills to go to these countries and educate them on how they can develop their surgical skills to fit the needs of their communities," Dr. Ekstrom began.

April listened, interested but still confused. She really had no idea why she was here, Jackson realized.

He leaned forward and said, "April, Dr. Ekstrom would like you to work with the WHO and HVO to accomplish this."

April gawked at Jackson in shock, as if he had spoken a foreign language.

"Wh- Really!?" April exclaimed in disbelief.

Dr. Ekstrom nodded and said, "I have spoken with Hunt and his appraisals of your work and leadership are definitely something we would like to incorporate into our program. We would like to offer you a position in which you collaborate with a panel of doctors who develop these procedures and take them to the HVO and educate the physicians who are volunteering in that program to go to our sites and educate the medical community there. You would also be asked to occasionally go to the sites, but it would be in a secure, educational setting, unless you are interested in a more hands on approach."

April was reeling and Jackson could tell her thoughts were racing in her head.

"Oh my…that is an amazing opportunity," she finally got out. "Sorry, this is coming out of left field. I didn't even know you offered positions like this."

"We don't," she said with a small smile.

April nodded and looked to Dr. Hunt who was beaming at April in pride. Jackson was also extremely proud. She was an amazing surgeon and she was finally being recognized. People would never call April Kepner a 'dud' again.

"So, um, wh-where would I being going…what are the details?" April asked nervously.

Dr. Ekstrom chuckled and said, "The devil is in the details," reaching for a folder. April took the folder and Dr. Ekstrom said, "The position is based where our Emergency and Essential Surgical Care Program is as well as our organization headquarters, in Geneva."

"Geneva? Switzerland?" April said, looking at Jackson and then down at the folder in her hands.

"Switzerland. It's a beautiful country," Hunt said.

"I was born there," Dr. Ekstrom said. "Geneva is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. If you would like for me to arrange a chance for you to see the city before you move there, I would be more than happy to. I will be in town a few days, should you want to get together and discuss our offer."

April nodded and Dr. Ekstrom stood. Hunt, Jackson, and April all stood too and Dr. Ekstrom extended a hand and a smile to April.

"I hope we have the opportunity to work with you Dr. Kepner. It was a pleasure meeting you," Dr. Ekstrom said kindly.

"It was an honor meeting you," April responded as she shook her hand.

Hunt led Dr. Ekstrom out and April turned to Jackson in shock.

"That's why they were here?" she asked.

Jackson nodded and he could tell she was on the brink of being ecstatic. This was her chance. And she had to take it.

"You have to go," he said.

She looked at him and then down at the folder in her hands that told her how generous they were truly being. They were offering her more than any of her other offers and prestige in her field and the medical community at large. She would ruin herself if she didn't. Jackson didn't want to say the words, but he knew he had to.

"You have to go," he repeated, his voice trembling.

"Jackson, I don't even know what their offering-"

"Everything. Everything you could possibly want, they have it outlined in that folder. This is…this is what you want," Jackson said, looking at the folder meaningfully.

"Congratulations baby, you did it," he said, a small smile on his face. April smiled sadly and said, "I…I don't know what to do."

"You have to go," he repeated for a third time, swallowing back the lump that had formed in his throat.

April looked at him for a moment, her eyes sad and full of concern. They looked at each other for a few moments before Jackson stood and walked around his desk and hugged her to him.

He blinked away the tears in his eyes and April was shaking. She pulled back and Jackson noted that her eyes were filled with tears. Suddenly her pager sounded and she closed her eyes in frustration and grabbed it off of her hip. She looked at it and Jackson wiped the tears from her face.

April looked to Jackson and in regret and he nodded and smiled. She stood on her tiptoes and said, "We will talk about this tonight."

He nodded and she walked out of his office. Jackson sat down heavily in his desk and cradled his head in his hands. This was what was best for her. She would be a celebrated physician.

April

April wiped a few tears from her face that had escaped as she headed down to trauma. She jogged to the trauma room and didn't even notice somebody had slipped a yellow gown over her.

"What do we have?" she asked in an authoritative voice.

"Multiple GSW's to the chest and abdomen," the nurse said, as April began working on the patient.

"Name?"

"Tom Schmidt, 24, internal injuries and possible spinal cord damage," the paramedic rattled off.

April began to work, noting that Shepherd and Torres had come in sometime and were working with April furiously to stabilize the young man.

Once he was stable enough to move, they transported him to the OR. April called out orders with Torres and Shepherd doing the same.

She began to control the bleeding and Meredith walked in and asked, "What can I do?' as a nurse slipped a surgical gown on her along with her gloves. April looked up and said, "We need more hands to control the bleeding."

Meredith nodded and moved to stand beside April. "We have a full crowd up there," she murmured as she buried her hands in the patient and began clamping and stitching

April looked up briefly and was shocked to see Jackson, Hunt, and Dr. Ekstrom. April looked back down at her work and shook her head clear of everything else but her patient.

April grabbed clamp after clamp and finally she had done everything she could. And so had Meredith. They had controlled the bleeding as Derek and Callie still focused on the spinal cord and shattered bones.

April stepped back from the table, proud of her work and Meredith said, "Page me if you need me, I need to check in on patients."

Derek nodded and April followed Meredith out, scrubbing her hands clean.

April walked out of surgery to Dr. Ekstrom, Hunt, and Jackson waiting for her.

"Good work Dr. Kepner," Hunt said, nodding.

"Thank you, I hope he is strong enough to pull through," April said, looking behind her into the surgery briefly.

Dr. Ekstrom said, "Again, my information is in the packet I gave you. I look forward to hearing from you."

April nodded and Dr. Hunt once again escorted her away from April and Jackson.

"Let's go home," he murmured, reaching for her hand. April nodded and let him guide her out of Surgery and through the hospital so they could go home.

**Please review and let me know what your thoughts are!**


	18. Chapter 18

**I am warning everyone right now this is a sad chapter, which is why it is so short. We are heading into some bumpy territory with our fav couple here, so hang on tight! Thanks for reading and a special thanks to everyone who has reviewed. **

I Want This

Chapter 18

Jackson

Jackson lay in bed with April. It had been two months since Ekstrom had come to Grey Sloan Memorial. April had visited all the hospitals, but predictably she couldn't turn it down. The offer from WHO. She couldn't. So tomorrow she was leaving.

They had barely spoken since she had made the decision three weeks ago, not because they were mad or fighting, but because there was so much to say and neither of them could face the pain that would come with talking. She had finished her contract and took this week to pack. Jackson and April had a lovely dinner at his apartment since hers was now empty. She had sent everything she was keeping home and donated the rest. Jackson and April now lay in his bed, after making love two times.

Jackson and April both looked up at the ceiling saying nothing, but constantly touching, caressing each other. Jackson felt like his heart was slowly, painfully being taken out of his chest. April's hand, running softly up and down his chest...it reminded him that he wouldn't feel it anymore. At least not for a long, long time.

Her contract was for two years and depending on her performance, they would hire her on after that time period as a senior attending trauma consultant if she wanted that.

Jackson had been thinking about the development of his and April's relationships over the years. As interns and colleagues, to friends, to lovers. He asked, "Why didn't you tell me? Or anyone? About Jesus? About how important it was to you?"

"Are you kidding me? That one personal thing ever revealed about me to you and the other surgeons at the hospital...I was _brutally _teased and bullied for it. Told that I should be ashamed of it...why would I ever give anyone more personal info to use against me and make me feel bad about myself?" April said, not in anger but in a matter of fact way.

Jackson closed his eyes and was reminded how terrible he had been to her before. How terrible they had all been to April.

"April-" he began, but she cut him off.

"I know. You don't have to, Jackson, really," she said.

He pulled her face to look up into his and he said, "But I do. I am sorry. I...I was an idiot...And an asshole. It is not something I am proud of. I did it because I follow the crowd, which is pathetic. I am sorry. Do you forgive me?" he asked.

April looked up at him and nodded.

"How can you do it? Without even hearing people say it? Forgive them?" he wondered, stroking her cheek.

"Jesus," she said, a small smile forming on her lips, "Forgiveness was one of his greatest teachings."

Jackson smiled and so did April.

"Do you...do you want to talk about anything?" she asked.

He only looked down at her and after a minute he said in a thick voice, "There is...there's so much I...that I want to say to you."

She nodded and her eyes were becoming misty, "Me too."

"I love you," he said after a few moments.

"I love you too. So much, Jackson," she said, her voice shaky.

His arms tightened around her and realized that was all he really needed to say. It covered it all.

April rested her chin against his chest and he ran his fingers through her hair as he looked at her. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I... want you to be happy. So I don't want to hold you back. I want to try it long distance, but I can understand if you don't-"

Jackson covered her mouth with his, relieved that she had said it.

"I want to too," he said, slightly out of breath. "I want to make it work. It will be hard...but I want it."

April smiled against his lips and kissed him deeply.

April

April lied awake all night in Jackson's arms, not able to sleep. After her and Jackson made love for the fourth time that night, he had fallen asleep, completely spent.

April laid there, lost in her thoughts. April couldn't believe she was in this position. She had one of the most amazing job offers one could get in the entire medical field. Yet she was unhappy.

She also had a man who she loved with her whole heart and who loved her back. And she was about to put 5000 miles between them for the job. It was so...unfair.

Jackson was sleeping soundly and April basked in the feel of his arms, knowing she would be missing them. She had grown very accustomed to sleeping in his arms.

April looked at the clock. She would need to be up in fifteen minutes to shower and get ready. Jackson told her he wanted to take her to the airport and at the time April agreed, but as the date got closer she knew she couldn't let him or she would never leave.

April slid out of the bed, turned off the alarm and went into Jackson's bathroom. She started the shower and reached for her shampoo. She washed her hair and then reached for her soap, but paused. She flashed back to a different night that she and Jackson had spent together here at his apartment. She had decided to take a shower that night and climbed into the shower to find that Jackson had bought her favorite shampoo, conditioner and soap she used without even asking. It melted her heart then and now it broke her heart.

April bit her lip and felt her eyes well up as she reached for his soap instead. She lathered herself up in his Irish Spring, choking back sobs at the familiar clean scent of Jackson wafted around her in a thick steam. She cried and tried to get it under control before she climbed out and dried off.

She quickly dressed and snuck out into the living room. She called the cab company to confirm her pickup time and made sure she had her suitcases and purse near the door.

She then walked back to the bedroom. She still had ten minutes.

April sat on the bed and then kicked off her sandals and snuggled next to Jackson. He automatically wrapped his arms around April and she smiled, nuzzling her nose in the crook of his neck.

"Baby," she whispered, kissing his shoulder, "Baby, wake up."

Jackson mumbled in his sleep but his grip on her tightened. April kissed the corner of his mouth.

April said, "Jackson, wake up."

Jackson opened his eyes and smiled. He then frowned in confusion when he noticed that April was fully dressed next to him. He jolted, but April stilled him.

"I leave in ten minutes," she whispered.

"I will get ready, just give me five min-" he began pulling the blankets off.

April shook her head sadly and said, "No, you...you can't come with me Jackson."

Jackson frowned in confusion and said, "I thought I was driving you."

April gave him a sad smile and said, "I won't be able to leave you if you do."

Jackson relaxed his position once more and she said, "I called a cab. They will be here any minute."

Jackson sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, rubbing his forehead vigorously.

April put a hand on his shoulder and pulled his hands away from his face. She then wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, trying not to cry and failing miserably as she felt tears slide down her cheeks. Jackson held her tightly to him and April let him. She whispered, "I love you."

"I love you," he replied in a raspy voice, pulling back but only enough to look into her face. His cheeks had tear tracks down them and the sight broke her heart.

He leaned forward and kissed her tenderly at first, but it became desperate quickly. They both memorized each other's kiss. April had a hard time remembering why she was leaving...why was she leaving? WHO...HVO...Geneva...were they worth it? Worth giving up Jackson?

Jackson pulled away and April released a sob as she gasped, "I don't know if I can do this!"

Jackson wrapped her in his arms and said, "You can April. And we will be fine. Don't be scared."

April trembled in his arms and she placed her hand on his cheek, looking in his eyes. She imagined that her own eyes looked like his. Deep sadness, pain, and fear in them.

A car horn honking interrupted them and April jumped. Jackson looked to the door and then back to April, something in his eyes frantic.

She kissed his lips softly, then his forehead as she felt him shake.

"Stay here," she whispered against his lips.

He nodded and April stood, squeezing his hand one last time and closing her eyes as she walked across the room. She looked back once more and smiled a small sad smile as she looked at him. "I will be home for Christmas."

He nodded and smiled and April turned and left, holding back her tears as the cab driver loaded her luggage in the trunk.

She looked up at his apartment and saw him standing in the door, leaning on the door frame looking miserable. April waved and gave a forced smile and climbed into the cab. She looked out the window and gave a choked sob as the car pulled away, even though she reminded herself that Jackson wanted to make it work long distance. She was leaving her best friend and lover. It was the worst feeling in the world.

Jackson

Jackson watched as April's cab rounded the corner down the street. He stood on the door stoop for a minute, as if any second he would see her cab pull back up. But it didn't. He didn't know how long he waited, but knew he needed to go back inside.

Jackson walked to his bedroom and lay on the bed. He pulled the blankets over his body and let it out. His pain ripped through his body and he felt like his heart was literally broken. He sobbed into April's pillow, trying to take comfort in her lingering scent, but it only caused him more pain as he realized her scent, like April herself, would leave soon.

He hugged her pillow to him as his sobs became quiet weeping. He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he was grateful that his heartache had brought a deep exhaustion. He needed to fade away for awhile until his pain abated somewhat.

April

April waited in the registration line so she could check in for her flight. People glanced at her in concern because she looked terrible. Her face was tear streaked, her eyes red, and she looked like she belonged on a psych ward for depression and not in an airport.

"Miss?" someone said, catching her attention.

April looked dazed for the voice and found a woman in her mid forties looking at her in concern. The woman reminded April of her mother. She had a kind, warm face.

"Are you alright?" she asked kindly.

April wiped her tears and said, "I just...I am moving away and leaving...I'm leaving someone really important to me. It's just hard." Tears replacing the ones she wiped away quickly.

The woman nodded in sympathy, extending a tissue to April and saying, "You know what they say dear, 'If it's meant to be, it _will _be'."

April nodded and she looked at her in concern for a moment more before something on April's shoulder caught her eye. "It seems you spilled something on your shoulder."

April looked down and looked at the wet spot in confusion. It was then she realized they were from Jackson. His tears. April gasped, touching the almost dry spot and choked back a sob. She thanked the woman as another voice called "I can help whoever is next!"

April stepped up to the desk and the man behind it was large and clearly uncomfortable with such an emotional woman in front of him.

"So, heading to Geneva?" he said conversationally as he clicked away on his computer, weighing her luggage.

April nodded and he said, "There has been a mistake."

April looked at him confused, hope swelling in her chest. Maybe it was a sign...something was wrong with her ticket and it was a sign she shouldn't leave.

"Coach is full, so we are bumping you up to first class," he said, a small smile on his face.

April frowned in disappointment as the hope disappeared and wiped her tears and mumbled, "Thank you."

"It should be a more comfortable trip. Ten hours of more leg room. Trust me, five hours in and you will be thanking me," he said, handing April her boarding pass and smiling at her.

April nodded and gave him a small watery smile and a laugh.

"Thanks," she said. She grabbed her carry on and her ticket and lugged it through security and onto her gate.

**So, please review because we are heading into some rocky, drama Rama territory and I want to know what you all think! I can't wait for this week's Grey's. Hope to hear from you!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Okay so I am bringing back in some more drama! So hang onto your hats everyone! Thanks for reading and all those who reviewed! **

**Enjoy!**

I Want This

Chapter 19

April

April had been in Geneva for three months now. She had settled into her apartment and into her new job, which she loved. She felt like she was really making a difference in the world.

April looked at her watch as she was getting her things together to go home for the night. It was five here in Geneva and it was about eight AM in Seattle. She thought she would try Jackson as he was just getting to work.

She called his cell, but after a few rings it went to voicemail, as usual. She left a message then called him at his office, but his secretary answered saying he was in a meeting. April sighed in disappointment and left a message for him to call her.

April walked out of the hospital as she slowly walked to her apartment in Old Town. It was one of the nicest parts of town and there was so much history. She loved her apartment and was lucky that the program had arranged for the apartment for her. Apparently it was very difficult to get a place in Geneva typically because you had to go through property management companies called Régies. It was a tiresome process and took months to get situated into a place.

April stopped at one of her favorite little cafes and ordered something for her to eat for dinner later.

When she arrived at her apartment, she sighed tiredly and walked to the couch, kicking off her shoes as she thought about Jackson and wondering when he would call back. If he would call back. Was he okay?

The first few weeks she was in Geneva, Jackson and April had been in touch multiple times a day. To April's disappointment, it had progressed to every few days, to once a week and so on. Now to get a call back from him was rare, despite how many calls she made to him or voicemails she left.

April lied on the couch and drew her throw over her body. She was exhausted. This was the earliest she had been off since she had moved here. She almost didn't know what to do with the little bit of spare time. She usually came home, ate, and fell into bed.

April decided to put on a movie and eat her dinner. She grabbed a bottle of wine a colleague had given her as a "Welcome to Geneva" gift and poured herself a glass as she took out her little cafe sandwich and put it on a plate. She threw in a load of laundry as well before sitting down and getting lost in the movie.

Her phone rang and, thinking it was Jackson, April got so excited she dropped it before answering it without looking at it.

"Hello?" she asked.

"April, honey, how are you?" Catherine Avery asked, her tone odd.

April frowned in disappointment as she paused her movie. Wrong Avery. She and Jackson had not spoken in one month. They had missed each other's calls and for the past two weeks Jackson hadn't even bothered to call April back. Something was going on and she needed to know, but not really sure if she wanted to. What if he had changed his mind about the long distance thing?

"Catherine, hi, I am fine, how are you?" she asked, coming back to the current conversation.

"Not good. Not good at all. I was so disappointed to hear you and my baby broke up," she said, her sadness and disappointment coming through clear on the phone.

April's world spun and she gaped in shock at the phone, not even knowing what to say. He had told his mother they had broken up?

"Oh, ummm-" April stammered, not sure what to say, still in shock. Was this a joke?

"I know long distance can be hard for couples," Catherine said sympathetically.

"Uh-huh," April said, her mind still spiraling.

"But honey, I hope you know I still care for you and plan on getting together with you when I am up there for that Red Cross thing in a couple weeks. That's if it's okay. I can understand if it would be too hard for you," Catherine said in a kind, understanding voice.

It was that voice that made April's eyes fill with tears. She nodded and then remembered that Catherine couldn't see her, "Uh yeah, th-that conference, I forgot all about that. We w-will definitely get together." Jackson had said he was going to come up with his mother then to see her too. Guess that wasn't happening anymore.

April covered her mouth so she wouldn't hiccup and sob into the phone.

"Good, I am glad. Well, I will see you in a couple of weeks. I can't wait to see how everything is going up there!" she said excitedly, but April knew she was being cheerful to get April's newly dumped spirits up.

"Me too, Catherine. Thank you for calling," April replied her voice barely containing her wobbly voice, clicking her phone off.

She looked at the phone as if she was sure it was playing a mean trick on her, but then as she set it down she covered her face with her hands and cried loudly.

April cried for two minutes and then reached for her wine glass, taking a deep drink to steady her. She picked her phone back up and considered dialing Jackson, who she guessed was now her ex, but instead called Callie.

Callie answered and said, "April, hey, I meant to call sooner. How are you hanging in there?"

She knew.

"You _know_?" April asked in disbelief.

"Uh, yeah. Did you ask him to keep it quiet?" Callie asked, confused.

"Well I expected him to actually break up _with me_ and not through his mother, who I just got off the phone with," April said, fresh tears blurring her vision.

"Wait, what?" Callie said, clearly confused.

"I haven't spoken to Jackson in over a month. He hasn't even attempted to return my calls in two weeks. I have been wondering what the hell is going on, but assumed it was the time difference or that he must be super busy right now. Then Catherine called to say how sorry she was to hear we had broken up!" April said, now sobbing into the phone.

"You have got to be kidding me," Callie murmured in disbelief.

April cried and Callie tried to calm her down. After a few minutes, April got her crying under control and Callie asked, "I will go find him and make him talk to you. And then I will kick his dumb ass."

"No, Callie, no. There is nothing to be done," April said defeated, taking another sip of wine. "Is he seeing somebody?" she asked, her heart hurting at the idea.

"Not that I am aware of," Callie said immediately.

April nodded and asked, "You would tell me right?"

The silence on the other end of the line was not comforting.

"Right Callie?" she repeated, her voice getting angry.

"Yes, I would tell you, but I really don't know," Callie said.

April nodded and took a few deep breaths. "Look, Callie, don't mention our conversation to anybody, including Jackson. I don't want our business flying around that hospital."

"April..." Callie said, and April could tell she was pissed.

"Callie, look, if it's over, it's over," April said, her voice cracking.

_If it's meant to be, it will be_...that's what that lady had said to her at the airport the day April had left him. April wiped her tears and thought, _I guess it wasn't meant to be_.

"He is the majority on the board and he is a leader there. He doesn't need his personal life in the way of his job and neither do you. You are on the board with him and if you say anything, it will just make working with him that much harder," she pointed out.

"It's just easier if you don't saying anything," April said, taking another sip of her wine.

Callie was silent on the other end, but April knew she heard her and was thinking what she had said over.

"Dammit," Callie murmured.

April remained silent until Callie said, "Fine."

April nodded and said, "Look, I'm pretty worn out. I am going to go to bed. Thanks for listening."

"Call me if you need anything," Callie demanded and April said she would. She hung up with her and grabbed the wine bottle off the counter and began drinking right out of it. Class all the way.

April cried as she drank, not even bothering to turn the movie back on. She just stared blankly around the apartment as she cried and drank. She didn't know when she fell asleep and didn't really care if she ever woke up.

Jackson

Jackson rubbed his forehead as he motioned for the bartender to get him another drink. It had been three days. Three days since April had last left him a message to call him back. Then the calls stopped.

He wanted to call her, but his guilt prevented him from doing so.

Jackson downed his drink and motioned for the bartender once more. He came over and filled his glass saying, "I am sorry, but I am cutting you off after this one."

Jackson glared at him and said, "You wouldn't do that if you knew how much shit is going on right now."

"You have know idea how many men have said that to me," the bartender said with a smirk.

Jackson scowled at him and drank some of his drink. He was really drunk. To the point where he didn't know how he was going to get home safely.

Suddenly someone slid onto the stool next to him.

"What's the prize for being the drunkest asshole in here?" Alex asked, taking a sip of his beer.

"Talking to an asshole like you I guess," Jackson murmured as he took another deep drink.

Alex chuckled. "Dude, you miss Kepner and you regret breaking up with her, I get it. But look, you can't get drunk like you are right now. At least not in public. You have an image now, that you need to protect."

"What? Being an Avery? Fuck that man. I don't even give a shit anymore," Jackson growled.

"No, not even that. I am talking about the hospital. It isn't good for the board you being out here like this, so exposed," Karev said, glancing around.

"Fuck off," Jackson said.

"Hey, I am just trying to help man," Karev said defensively.

"Well, I don't need help from someone like you," Jackson said angrily. "Somebody who screws interns as if it was his job."

Karev looked pissed and Jackson knew he had gone too far. Alex leaned close and said, "Maybe you _do _need advice from me. Interns have a lot to say. Gossiping."

Jackson froze and said, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know," Alex said, taking another sip of his beer, "Let's hope April doesn't find out."

Jackson lost his patience and threw the punch. Karev took it as two men grabbed Jackson's arms. For some reason, punching this asshole felt too good.

"You shut the fuck up about April!" he seethed to Alex.

"Hey! I keep a convivial environment here. So if you're going to bust those million dollar hands, take it outside," Joe rumbled from behind the bar.

Jackson shook the men who were holding him off and threw some money down on the bar, "Sorry Joe."

He walked out into the rainy night, wobbling on his legs as he did so. He couldn't seem to walk in a straight line. It was then that he noticed he heard footsteps behind him and he heard himself slur a warning out to whoever was following him.

He looked behind him and saw it was Karev.

"I will fuck your face up Karev," he warned, now pissed and annoyed.

"Dude, chill out. I shouldn't have riled you up in there. I just want to make sure your drunk ass gets home safe," he said, holding one hand up in a calming way while flagging a cab down with the other.

Jackson calmed and walked towards Alex as he gestured him to get in the cab. He climbed in and Alex gave his apartment address.

Jackson walked up the steps to his apartment and fumbled with his keys until Alex helped him out and opened the door. Jackson flopped on the couch and put his arm over his eyes.

He heard Alex moving around his apartment, but he just couldn't give a shit. The room was spinning and he was fighting the feeling that he was going to get sick.

Suddenly, Alex heaved him up and said, "I am moving you to your room. C'mon."

Jackson tried to walk, but he knew Karev was essentially supporting the majority of his weight as he led him to his room.

Karev pushed him onto his bed and tapped a trashcan and said, "If you hurl, hurl into this," he said, lifting the trash can.

Jackson nodded and Alex turned him on his side facing the trashcan. He put a pillow behind Jackson to keep him on his side and then said, "There is water on the nightstand when you feel like you can drink it. Dude. Drink the water, and eat the bread when you are able to."

Jackson nodded and said, "I am fine."

Alex chuckled and said, "You aren't, but you will be. Once you are sober and call Kepner."

"I never cheated on her. Really. I love her too much," Jackson said, putting his hand over his heart. He felt sick without her. Or maybe it was the bottle of booze he consumed. Currently he couldn't really tell which it was at the moment or if it was both.

Alex remained silent as he listened.

"I am a coward. I don't know if I can be_ this guy_. This wonderful guy that patiently waits for her." Jackson said. "I love her, but it might not be enough."

"What do you mean 'not enough'? You act like you have no control in this situation. It's your _choice _if you wait...not if you love her enough. I know you love her, but you choose what you want. If you want to go back to banging girls like Stephanie or any of the other interns, then do it, but don't bullshit me. And don't bullshit her. I give her shit, but she is a good girl, and she deserves more. More than this," Alex said, gesturing to Jackson angrily.

"So if you want her back, tell her you regret breaking up with her," Alex finished.

Jackson thought about his words, but they swirled in his head almost as violently as the fluid swirled in his stomach. The room was back to spinning and suddenly...throwing up in the trashcan.

He finished emptying his stomach and Alex asked, "Dude. Gross. Do you feel better?" he asked, stepping back from Jackson a few more feet.

Jackson nodded and Alex pointed to water and the bread.

"Drink and eat. It will only help," Alex said.

Jackson reached for the glass and drained it. He then reached for the bread as Alex went to grab another glass of water for him.

Alex came back in the room and sat on the edge of Jackson's bed and handed him the water.

"The truth is that you miss her. The intimacy, the sex. The way she makes you feel when you see her and touch her," Alex said, "But if you don't want to lose her, don't push her away. Trust me. I did it with Izzie...and I will regret that for the rest of my life."

Jackson looked at Alex, shocked that he was revealing so much about himself. Alex rarely talked about Izzie, and when he did it was only to Meredith and Cristina, the only two remaining Seattle Grace originals of their intern group.

Jackson could relate. He felt that with April. They were the last two of their intern group that survived...everything. It was a special bond.

Jackson nodded and Alex seemed to snap out of his sharing mood and said, "I'll crash on the couch. Yell if you need me."

With that, he just walked out of the room, leaving Jackson to think about his words.

April

April woke up to the sound of her alarm clock trying to torture her. She jerked awake and looked around in confusion, trying to remember why everything was bright and harsh...and loud.

She then spotted the empty wine bottle she had polished off and then promptly passed out. Her face was stiff with dried tears and April groaned as everything came back to her.

Jackson...he was done with her. And he hadn't even had the courage to tell her.

April frowned in confusion...why? Why would he do this? It wasn't like him.

Just the thought of him...April felt herself tear up but she sat up and shook her head to herself and said, "No. We don't have time for this."

April looked around her apartment. She stood and quickly cleaned up the mess. She threw away the wine bottle and rinsed her dish. She then went to the shower and quickly cleaned herself up. Her head was pounding, so she took Tylenol and drank a cup of coffee and a glass of water. She slapped some makeup on, especially hitting the bags under her eyes with heavy concealer and made her way to the hospital on foot.

It was chilly and April rushed inside almost running into one of her colleagues.

"Oh jeez, I am so sorry James. It is just chilly out there. I wasn't paying attention," April stammered out, looking him over to see if she got anything on him.

James was in his mid thirties working for the same program April was in, but he was a full attending unlike April. He was from England, having studied medicine at Oxford. He had won some noteworthy awards in their field and he was incredibly passionate about his work at the WHO. He had recently focused his attention on the partnership between HVO and was helping April get on her feet.

When she met him, she thought he was some sort of student. He wore business casual clothes, his dark brown hair was maybe a bit longer than Alex's and it was ruffled in a disheveled, sexy sort of way. He had a lanky body, but she could tell he was in shape and his eyes were a disarming shade of grey. He exuded an odd vibe, like a reformed punk from London, now dedicated to trauma medicine.

"It's quite alright," James said politely, "I am actually glad I ran into you."

"Oh?" April said walking with him towards their offices.

"Indeed, I heard through the grapevine that you are going to the Red Cross conference as well?" he asked.

April nodded as she set her purse on her desk and leafed through her stack of invoices.

"At the end there's a benefit to raise money for the Red Cross and I wondered if you would go with me. These benefits can be incredibly dull and I would appreciate having someone that I know with me who will keep me entertained," he said hopefully.

April looked up and considered his offer, "Sure, sounds good. I will meet you there."

"How about I pick you up and we go grab some decent, greasy dinner beforehand. Weren't you just saying your greasy, overly processed American appetite was starving because there was too much fresh, healthy cuisine here in Europe? I believe you said you would kick a puppy if it meant getting a Big Mac in your hands," he said, chuckling.

April smiled and her face flushed red, embarrassed that he had remembered her rant. The truth about that little rant was that she was on a diet, having gained a bit of weight since she had arrived here. The salad that day had been one of her weaker moments.

"Uh, sure...are you promising me the aforementioned Big Mac?" she asked with a smile.

"I will go to France to get you a Big Mac if I have to," he boasted seriously.

"Isn't Geneva surrounded by France on three sides?" she said, not impressed.

He smiled and said, "Damn you, I thought I could trust your inexperience in this country to not know the surrounding borders."

April laughed and said, "The people here in Geneva speak French...besides, I may be an American, but I am like, _amazing _when it comes to geography," she boasted.

"So? You will go with me to dinner?" he asked.

April looked at him momentarily, wondering if he was thinking this was a date. McDonald's and a boring benefit could hardly be considered a date.

She nodded and casually said, "Sure."

"Okay, now that I have gotten you to say yes, I need to know one more thing," he said seriously.

April's heart thudded in dread. Crap. He did think this was a date. She had to tell him she was...well she wasn't with Jackson, but it was too soon. _Way _too soon. She hadn't even heard from Jackson about their breakup yet.

"I need to know that no puppies will be harmed in the name of our evening together," he said, cracking a smile.

April crumpled up a paper and threw it at him as she chuckled in relief. "You are a dork!" she said, laughing.

"A dork? I have an Aunt Dorcas. Are you comparing me to an 82 year old woman with gout?" he asked, crushed.

April shook her head and pointed to her door, "Get out! I have work to do. You see, I have these bosses, and they are real hard asses," she said, teasing. He was one of her advisors and bosses.

He smiled and said, "Get back to work, Kepner. Flirt on your own time!" he said in his thick, stern British accent.

April blushed and sat at her desk as he left and shook her head. She hadn't been flirting.

Jackson

Jackson was in the middle of a rhinoplasty when Callie walked in.

"You paged?" she asked, her usually warm voice surprisingly cold.

"Yeah, there is a bone growth here I wanted you to take a look at," Jackson said, indicating to the spot he wanted her to look.

Callie sighed in frustration and glared at Jackson before looking, "It's fine. It doesn't happen often, but a growth like this can occur."

Jackson nodded and proceeded with his work, looking up briefly as Callie stormed out without another word to him. Jackson's brow furrowed in confusion, but he focused back on his work.

When he was done, he spotted Callie standing at the nurses' station and he walked up to her. "Hey, having a rough day?" he asked, grabbing his own chart and beginning to fill it out.

Callie scoffed and slammed her chart closed and said, "You could say that. But there are people...all around the world... having worse days than me."

Jackson thought about her odd statement and was about to ask her what she was talking about, but with a withering glare, she left again.

"What was that about?" Cristina asked. Jackson hadn't even noticed her sitting at the desk and he shrugged and replied, "No idea."

"She is maaad at you," she said, chuckling.

Jackson shook his head and said, "I'm not a mind reader. If she doesn't tell me, I can't fix it."

Cristina shrugged and said, "I got to go prep for my surgery."

Jackson nodded and Cristina stopped and asked, "Hey, since you and Kepner broke up, you aren't still planning on going to Geneva are you?"

Jackson flinched at Cristina's blunt reference to their break up. "Uh, I am not sure. My mom still wants me to travel with her."

"So...you are? Won't that be awkward for you if you are in the same city as her?" Cristina said in a 'duh' voice.

"I don't know," Jackson said, shooting her a warning glare that let her know he didn't want to talk about it.

Cristina looked at him in confusion and then left Jackson to himself. He debated on whether or not he should go to Geneva still. He thought about what Alex had said to him last night. A lot. And even though he was nervous how April would react, he wanted to go because he knew that in order for him to clear the air with her, it would need to be in person.

Jackson pulled his phone out of his pocket and called his mother.

"Yeah, hey mom," he said, "I am still planning on going to Geneva with you."

**So how do you think Jackson going to Geneva is going to go over with April? I don't think I'll be posting until after this week's Grey's. So stay tuned and have a good week everybody!**


	20. Chapter 20

**So after watching last night's episode, my heart was once again filled by the notion that Jackson still has some feelings for April after all. I hope they get back together! There are only a few more episodes of the season and I have no idea how I am going to get my fix! **

**Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing! So here comes the Red Cross event and Jackson and April coming to terms.**

I Want This

Chapter 20

April

April was shopping in a little shop for a dress to wear to this benefit. When she had packed, she had been limited in what she could bring with her. She hadn't ever thought she would need formal wear.

April looked around, converting prices in her head, ruling out too expensive ones.

"April?" someone said behind her.

April spun and smiled when she recognized Dr. Brigid Ekstrom.

"Dr. Ekstrom. So nice to see you again," April said genuinely. Dr. Ekstrom was in the Surgical Care Program, but she was more administrative and had little to do with April or her position.

"How do you like Geneva? I am so glad you took the position. I have heard nothing but good things about your work," she complimented.

"Thank you, that is good to hear," April said, smiling. It really was good to hear. It was hard to get used to a new place in a new city, in a new country. "I like it a lot actually. This city is beautiful. Althaia and I are actually going to venture into France in a few weeks when we both have a weekend off."

"Go to Nice before it gets too cold," Dr. Ekstrom suggested with a smile. "It'll be beautiful there."

April nodded and said, "Thank you for the suggestion."

"Are you shopping for the Red Cross benefit?" she asked, gesturing to the overpriced gown April had been eyeing.

"Oh, yes, I was actually, but I wasn't sure what is appropriate or where I should go. I am kind of taking a stab in the dark here," she said, giving a sheepish grin.

"Now you know how those Syrian doctors feel every day," Dr. Ekstrom joked.

April laughed and said, "I guess so."

"I am shopping for the same event if you would like some company," she offered.

"That would be great!" April said, relieved.

"Let's go somewhere a little more conservative price wise though. I couldn't live with myself if I spent so much for a gown," she said discreetly.

April said, "Thank God! I was thinking I didn't want to spend my rent money on one evening."

She laughed and they left, finding a nice little store where the attendants were very helpful. April found a beautiful ivory, flowy gown that looked good on her. It had a royal blue silk sash right under the bust. Dr. Ekstrom said she looked beautiful in it, so April splurged and bought it and some simple pearl studs.

The salesgirl suggested a shrug coat and brought over an ivory-white fur wrap and April gasped. It was actually perfect for the dress. She bought that as well and then a pair of stilettos that would go nicely with gown.

April walked out with a garment bag and several other shopping bags, but ready for the benefit. She was kind of getting excited. It was good because she had been in a mopey mood for the past two weeks, since the breakup. It would be fun to get dressed up and have a nice evening out.

April walked back to her apartment after thanking Brigid and telling her she would see her at the benefit. She got to her apartment and hung up her dress and placed her shoes, earrings and shrug in the closet.

Tomorrow was the benefit. Catherine Avery had left a message that she would see April there since her plane didn't get in until a couple hours beforehand.

April was relieved. She loved Catherine, but it was going to be hard seeing her after the way things had ended with April and Jackson. The hard part was that it would be nice to see a familiar face. She was a little homesick and she missed her family and even the people at Seattle Grace. But Catherine...she would be hurting more than helping.

April heard her phone beep in the living room, indicating she had a text. She grabbed it off the coffee table and read it.

It was from James asking for directions to her apartment.

She texted him and where it was and he responded when he would pick her up. April chewed her lip nervously as she put her phone back on the table. He had been flirtier with her this week than usual and April was beginning to wonder if all he wanted was a friend. Or something more. He was devastatingly handsome, so April had doubted it. But she had also been with Jackson...who she had to admit was one of the most beautiful men she had ever seen.

But she and Jackson had such a long history as friends before they ever became romantically involved. She knew him, which was probably the biggest reason he had become attracted to her.

Now they weren't even friends because he had hurt her worse than she could have ever imagined.

Jackson

Jackson squeezed the armrests on the plane as it began its descent. Catherine patted his knee and asked, "You okay, baby?"

He nodded and said, "Yeah."

She smiled and said, "I am so glad you decided to come. I hate traveling so far by myself."

Jackson nodded and said, "It will be nice to get out of Seattle for a while. I haven't taken any time off since..." he stopped as his heart recalled when he had some time off last. April and him in Boston.

"I know, baby," Catherine said sympathetically. "Are you happy you will see her at this event?"

"She won't want to see me," Jackson said, "But she is the biggest reason I came."

"You are going to try and get her back?" Catherine asked, her voice full of gushing approval.

He nodded and she said, "Why did she end up breaking it off?"

Jackson closed his eyes and the plane bumped as it hit turbulence, causing him to clench his jaw. "She didn't."

"What?!" Catherine hissed, her eyes locked on him in shock.

"She didn't break up with me," he repeated.

"You...you broke up with her?" Catherine asked in disbelief, looking at him as if he was mentally unstable.

"I...I freaked out. And I didn't call her or respond to her calls. And then I told people who kept asking me about it that we had broken up, just to shut them up. And then you called and said you were upset we had broken up. I am assuming since I haven't heard from her that means we really are broken up and that she is pissed," Jackson said in a rush as the plane hurtled through more turbulence. It was God's punishment as he confessed his sins to his mother.

"You_...I_ was the one to inform her of your idiotic blunder?" she asked angrily "No wonder she seemed so dumbfounded when I called her. I thought she was just upset."

Jackson remained silent and then something clicked in Catherine's mind and said, "I can't believe you came here. Haven't you put her through enough? I am not going to have you make a scene at this benefit. Does she even know you are coming?"

Jackson shook his head and looked at his mother. She was livid. Jackson was sure she would be screaming if they weren't on a plane.

"You are not coming," Catherine said in a deadly quiet voice.

"I am," Jackson said firmly. "I need to see her."

"Are you crazy?" Catherine asked.

Jackson remained silent and he could feel them getting closer to the ground.

"I need to make it right. I need to see her. I fucked up and I...I want a second chance," he said.

Catherine looked at him with a mixture of anger, exasperation, but also a little pity. "How many second chances do you think she is capable of?"

"Hopefully just once more," Jackson murmured after a moment.

April

April laughed as the car pulled up to the benefit.

James had taken April to a botanical garden and in the middle of all the exotic flowers was an elegant table set up with Big Macs and French fries. They had laughed and admired the flowers all evening and now going to the benefit.

James led her into the ballroom and April looked around the lavish decor and all the women in fancy dresses.

They were seated at their table and April looked down at the event schedule. Speeches, speeches, cocktails, and eventually social hour and dancing.

April felt eyes on her, but instead of looking around for them she focused on James who was joking about getting sloppy wasted in front of all their esteemed colleagues.

He offered to go and get April and drink and she accepted his offer and he went to go stand in the long line for drinks.

"April," a voice said.

April froze, the voice sending chills down her spine, but not in a good way.

She whipped around and her eyes met a haunting, familiar pair of gorgeous green eyes that bore into her soul each and every time.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" she said, shocked.

He looked amazing. Jackson was in an incredible, expensive tux and he was perfectly groomed.

"I think you know," he murmured, his eyes forlorn and nervous.

"If it's to break up with me in person, you can just forget it. You already had your mommy do it for you," she hissed.

"April, I-" he began.

"April, dear," Catherine said, cutting Jackson off.

Catherine embraced April in a warm hug and April returned it, shooting Jackson an icy glare over her shoulder.

James picked that moment to arrive with their drinks and April gladly took hers and took a deep drink.

"April, who are your friends?" James asked, extending a hand towards Jackson.

"Catherine and Jackson, this is Dr. James Atley. James is an advisor in my same program," April said.

"James, this is Dr. Catherine Avery and Dr. Jackson Avery, of the Harper Avery Foundation and Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital," April said.

James was shocked and shook Catherine's hand a little longer when he found out who she was.

"It is an honor to meet you, Dr. Avery," James said politely.

"You too, Dr. Atley," Catherine said politely, shooting a glance between James and April.

Jackson maintained a stony silence, his gaze focused on April and April could tell he was pissed about James. April shot him a look. James was a colleague and Jackson didn't even have the right to be pissed. He broke up with her.

He had promised he would never break up with her. And he did. It was through his mother, but a break up nonetheless.

A tap on the microphone signaled that the speeches were starting and Catherine left the table to find her own, but Jackson lingered, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to leave.

"Nice to meet you, mate. Maybe we will get a chance to talk later," James said in an effort to ease the awkwardness.

Jackson seemed to snap out of it and with a final look to April that made her shudder, he left.

"So...I assume you didn't win a Harper Avery award," James said as he settled in his chair besides hers.

"No," she said, taking a drink. "Sorry that was so...uncomfortable. It...well, Jackson and I used to be together."

"You broke his heart," James guessed.

"Other way around, I am afraid," she said, chuckling without any humor, "It was recent. Like two weeks ago."

James nodded and teased, "Well, you are lucky I am so devastatingly handsome. He is properly jealous."

April shook her head and said, "I had no idea he was going to be here. He lives in Seattle and...well it ended badly. I never thought he would show his face here."

"He wants you back," James said knowingly.

April shook her head, "I think he wanted to do it in person. End it, I mean."

"The way he was looking at you just now, he definitely wants you back. And the way he was looking at me, as if he wanted to pummel me into the ground. And in a tux," James added in mock horror.

April laughed and then looked to him, "I really am sorry for all this. I did just want to have a fun night."

"We still can. Just relax, drink, and then we will then work off the Big Macs by dancing," he said, leaning back in his chair and taking a sip of his champagne.

April smiled and said, "You're right. Thanks for...well for saying everything you said."

He smiled and the speeches began. April felt a pair of eyes on her then entire time, but she focused on every word that was spoken. She could recite each word if asked of her.

Jackson

She had looked beautiful. She was in an ivory gown and the pop of the rich blue contrasted beautifully with her hair.

Jackson had then noticed, James, and when he had placed his hand on the small of April's back as he led her in the room...Jackson saw red. But he reminded himself causing a scene wouldn't help his cause and his mother would murder him.

Jackson sipped champagne as he listened to the speeches. Whenever James would lean over and whisper something in April's ear, he took a drink.

"Don't get sloppy," Catherine hissed under her breath, "You think it would help you, but it won't."

Jackson looked at his mother and then nodded and focused on the last words of the speech. The band started and Jackson watched as James pointed towards the floor and then led April to it. He twirled her around as she let him lead her. She smiled and Jackson thought his heart would break. She looked gorgeous.

"You and yours sisters teased me that ballroom dancing classes would be wasted," Catherine said, amused. Her eyes flitted to April and James on the dance floor, swaying to a softer melody. Catherine gave Jackson a small, meaningful smile.

"Don't blow this opportunity for her to just listen to you," Catherine said.

Jackson nodded and stood, extending a hand for her. Catherine smiled and took it, allowing Jackson to lead her to the dance floor. He was a good dancer. He knew all the classic ballroom dances, even salsa. His mother had forced him and his sisters when they were young, insisting it was something that would come in handy.

Once they were in the vicinity of April and James, Catherine said, "Dr. Atley, my son has been stepping on my toes, would you mind giving me a break?"

April gave Catherine a knowing look as James nodded and released April from his grip. The glided off and Jackson extended his arms to her. She gave him a withering stare, but for some reason she stepped into his embrace and they began dancing.

"Are you dating him now?" Jackson asked simply.

April rolled her eyes and moved to stop dancing, but Jackson gripped her and said, "Sorry. It's none of my business, but I hope you aren't. That would make my reason for coming here harder."

"James is just a colleague. We were both coming to this event and decided to come together," April said.

"Nobody looking at you tonight would be interested in something platonic. You look...stunning," Jackson said, looking into her eyes, hoping she could see the truth in his words.

April only blushed and looked over his shoulder at other dancing couples, apparently resolved to not talk to him.

"Look, you don't need to talk, April. Just listen. I am sorry for how things went. I didn't mean to hurt you the way I did. I was confused April, about how we were going to make this all work. It had only been a few months and I was miserable. I made a mistake by shutting you out. I wanted to talk to you about us when you came home for Christmas, and I didn't know how to handle people's questions, so I told them we split just so they would leave me alone. If I had known how bad it would turn out, I never would have said anything," Jackson said.

April froze in his arms and then said, "So you didn't want to break up with me?"

Jackson and April were standing in the middle of the dance floor. Jackson looked at her, willing her to see the truth in his eyes, and said, "No."

April looked at him for the longest time, "So what were you going to talk to me about at Christmas then?" still skeptical.

"Our options," he said, knowing he was going into dangerous territory.

April considered his words and said, "Our options? Jackson, I think you mean me making a decision to leave the job I have here, the job I love, for our relationship. Right?"

"That isn't our only option," Jackson said, even though he knew that was exactly what he had been hoping she would agree to.

"I'm listening?" she said.

Jackson was silent and April pulled her arms away from him. Jackson held onto her though, desperate to keep her in his arms.

"What if I moved here?" he said suddenly.

April looked at him in shock and Jackson nodded, remaining quiet. "I would if it meant we got to be together again."

"Grey Sloan?" she reminded him as Jackson pushed her to move again around the dance floor.

"I...don't care. I mean I do, but not if it means I sacrifice my relationship with you. I will have my mother appoint some other Harper Avery person to run it in my stead with the other doctors. Or have her and Richard do it. I don't care," Jackson said.

April was only silent and Jackson said, "We don't have to talk about all this here. Meet me for lunch tomorrow. Please?"

April looked at him as the song ended. Jackson saw James walk up them and April gave a curt nod before James joined them and said, "Well your mum is quite the dancer. Did you butcher April's toes?"

April said, "He got the hang of it eventually."

James nodded and said, "Shall we go grab some drinks?"

April nodded and he led her off the floor, away from Jackson. The music started again and Catherine grabbed his hand and he guided her around the dance floor. "Did you get her to give you a chance?" she asked.

Jackson nodded and said, "Lunch tomorrow."

Catherine nodded and smiled. "Good, because I want that woman to be the mother of my grandbabies. And I always get what I want," she said with a smile.

"So do I," Jackson said with a smile right back.

**So Jackson is going to do anything to dig himself out of the hole he has put himself in! Let's see how that goes. Please remember to review. It makes my day! Thanks for reading!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Last Chapter for this story. I want to thank all of my readers and those of you who left me kind and supportive reviews and messages. I hope you all enjoyed this story.**

I Want This

Chapter 21

Jackson

Jackson sat at the cafe, fidgeting nervously with his silverware. He wondered if she was going to show. He would never have thought he would be stood up by her since she was fiercely punctual, but April had done it twice now. Jackson had stayed behind, cancelling his flight from Switzerland. He would wait as long as it took.

He looked down the streets and spotted April walking towards him, chewing on her bottom lip anxiously. He was sure he looked crazy goofy with the world's biggest grin on his face, but he was just so happy to see her.

She sat across from him and a man walked and took her beverage order. April looked at Jackson and then down at the table.

"How are you?" he asked.

April shrugged and Jackson could tell he would be groveling, which he was more than happy to do if it meant she would forgive him and take him back.

"Give me a hint about how pissed you still are?" Jackson asked.

"Slightly less pissed today because I realize you have missed your flight because you want to make this work, but still _really_ not liking you," April said honestly, taking a sip of her espresso.

Jackson leaned forward and said, "April."

April looked up at him and he could see the hurt that he had caused in her eyes. It made him sick. He reached his hand for hers and said, "I am sorry."

April remained silent and looked at Jackson for the longest time.

"I love you April," Jackson whispered.

"You can't just say that and expect me to swoon and forgive you. Those words don't make everything okay," she said, her voice trembling and her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"I know. I want you to know that I love you, and that means I am willing to do whatever it takes April," Jackson said, tightening his grip slightly on her hand.

April looked up and he could tell she wanted to ask a question. He remained quiet until she asked it, knowing she needed to find the words and get comfortable with asking it.

"Did you mean it when you said you would move here? Because I can't leave here. And I...long distance isn't something I am interested in after what's happened. You moving here is the only thing that I can see working for us," April said, her eyes nervous, but her tone letting Jackson know she had thought about this and this was something she couldn't get past.

Jackson nodded and said, "I will move here."

"Really?" April asked, her tone disbelieving.

"April, Grey Sloan was never my dream. I care about the people there, the doctors, but if I returned there now all I would ever think about is what I gave up for it. And it isn't worth it. I love you," he said again, "It's just a hospital. And if you need to be here, then so do I."

April remained silent and then looked down at their hands she inhaled and exhaled deeply before looking up at him as she turned her palm face up to clasp his hand back.

"You better never hurt me like that again," she said, her tears finally falling and her voice shaking.

"Never," he promised, his own vision clouded by tears. He stood and walked around the small table and cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. He broke the kiss because they were in public and April was embarrassed as he kissed her lips softly once more and then kissed her tears away.

"Jackson," she said, chuckling because she was embarrassed when she noticed the other patrons staring at them. Some with annoyed looks and others with wistful sentimentality. Jackson kissed her forehead once more and sat back down.

The waiter came up and gave them their lunches, feeling very awkward as he did so. Once he was gone, Jackson and April laughed.

"You will have to move in with me," she said, "Otherwise you will be living out of your hotel for months until you get something you only kind of like."

Jackson nodded and said, "That sounds perfect."

April

April couldn't believe he was here, let alone moving in with her. She knew it would take her a little longer to heal completely all the heartache he had caused, but she knew that it would heal. Time heals all wounds was the saying, and she loved Jackson.

They ate their lunch and walked to her job, Jackson's arm wrapped around her.

"I got to make some calls, get a job lined up, get some of my stuff sent here. Tell my mother," he said, rolling his eyes and smirking, "She will be so relieved."

April chuckled and said, "She didn't know I was going to take you back?"

"She could only hope," he said, shuddering at the idea of her rejecting him.

April smiled and stood on her toes and kissed him.

"Dinner?" he asked against her lips.

She nodded and said, "I will meet you at your hotel after my shift."

Jackson nodded and kissed her lightly before she disentangled herself from him and walked away from him, a smile on her face as she went through security. As April entered her office, James gave her a knowing smile and said, "Took him back?"

April nodded and said, "He is moving here."

"I am always right," he said, smiling knowingly.

She rolled her eyes and went into her office and shut the door behind her. She sat at her desk, her mind racing a million miles a minute as she thought about all that needed to be done. Jackson would need to get rid of his apartment, arrange for stuff to be put into storage, arrange for a replacement on the board at Seattle Grace...so, so much. April expected some hate emails from the doctors as Grey Sloan.

But April couldn't find it in her to feel bad. Jackson was making this decision.

April chewed on her lip and picked up her phone. She sent Jackson a text message and wrote, _"Arrange for checkout and bring luggage." _She would cook him dinner tonight at their place.

_Why waste the money on a hotel?_ April wondered.

Jackson sent back a smiley face and April smiled.

This was good. This was their new beginning.

The End

**I am thinking about doing a sequel set a year or two after Jackson moves to Switzerland, but I am not sure if it's better left where I left it... thoughts?**


	22. Author's Note: Sequel Alert!

**AN: Sequel is up everyone! Make sure to check it out and again, thanks for reading!**


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